John Sieglinger, age 21, streaked at University of Southern Mississippi football game last weekend, and the worst thing that can happen during a streaking event occurred: He fell down. On his penis.

Working on his Halloween costume last night, big gross dick Chris Brown reminded the world that he also possesses a big gross dick.

Kardashian cast mate Scott Disick is the biggest dick on television. But is his dick big, too? During an interview with xoJane.com, Kourtney referred to her baby daddy's penis as "like an elephant's trunk." Kim and Khloe immediately jumped in with their own lurid descriptions of their sister's partner's phallus. Just normal sister stuff, you know?

Noted Islamophobe Allen West must not own a television or a computer. Yesterday, West was stirring up one of 2010's dumbest controversies at an anti-Ground Zero Mosque meet-and-greet in DC, where he remarked, "We must never let events like Pearl Harbor or 9/11 go away. We must never forget the things that happened on those two days..." Call me crazy, but I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon.

If you read a story about Christopher Carlson taking his three young grandsons to the Grand Canyon this month for some hiking and bonding, you might go, "wow, that's really nice of him." Then consider that he took the kids — ages 8, 9 and 12 — on a 19-mile forced march in 108-degree heat and you might go, "wow, what an asshole." Oh, and there's much, much more. From the Arizona Daily Sun:

Gawker's favorite kiddie porn-lite peddler Joe Francis turned himself into the LAPD last night over a misdemeanor warrant. A Los Angeles Times source says it's for "misdemeanor false imprisonment," which, if you think about it, is totally unsurprising!

Col. Muammar Qaddfi's high-profile son Seif al-Islam was said to have been captured late Sunday night by Libyan rebels — a claim that was repeated by the International Criminal Court in the Hague where Seif is charged with war crimes along with his father. But early this morning, Seif showed up at Tripoli's Rixos Hotel in a white limo to talk a little shit to foreign journalists. He even took reporters on a guided tour: "We are going to hit the hottest spots in Tripoli."

We finally have a few more details about the hours before a California woman, Catherine Kieu, chopped off her husband's penis and tossed it into the garbage disposal. Some had speculated that an argument over houseguests set her off on a chopping rampage. And now, according to court papers obtained by the Los Angeles Times, there had been a "male friend staying with them, but Kieu did not want the friend to stay with them." And then this happened:

A lawyer representing the family of Milly Dowler — the murdered 13-year-old girl whose phone was hacked by Rupert Murdoch's News of the World — told CNN that the girl's family haven't received so much as a "sorry" from the big man. The lawyer, Mark Lewis, said the Dowler family was upset by the "self-congratulatory" final issue of the paper. He added, "The front cover would have been so much better if it said 'sorry.'" So demanding! Rupe's putting all this mess behind him, and he already did the honorable thing by folding the paper. The scandal's over, people.

Mark Halperin, the always-wrong journopundit who serves as a frequent MSNBC talking head, was on Morning Joe this morning—where, naturally, he was whining about how mean the president was to the simpering DC press corps during his press conference yesterday. "Are we on the seven second delay? I wanted to characterize how I thought the president behaved," said Halperin, setting up what you knew would be one whopper of a funny joke.

Noted dick Buzz Bissinger is confused. Boxing great Sugar Ray Leonard claims in a new memoir that he was molested by a former coach. But Leonard didn't tell Bissinger, the world's greatest sports reporter, first and exclusively. So obviously Leonard is lying.

Hey, how about a totally unsubstantiated crazytown story, from the internet? It's about an advertising executive's penis! Oh, now you're interested. Well then, fine.

JP Morgan chief Jamie Dimon is at Davos with all the other rich people talking about money, and whining: "This constant refrain 'bankers, bankers, bankers' is just unproductive and unfair. People should just stop doing that." Bankers are your friends.

Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards somehow mustered enough brain cells to recall his past for a new tell-all book, Life. In it, Richards reveals Mick Jagger's anatomical secrets and says he thought Johnny Depp was his son's drug dealer.

Did you hear about Brett Favre sending cell phone pictures of his dick to former New York Jets sideline reporter and Playboy model Jenn Sterger? Yeah, gross. As with all high-profile current events, Taiwan's Next Media Animation has a recap.

British clothing chain Marks & Spencer has waded into the dong-enhancement game with its new Bodymax line of "frontal enhancement" underwear. They'll make your dick look 38 percent bigger! M&S also offers butt-lifting undies made of "cool, odour resistant fabric."

Much attention has been paid to Mad Men's female actresses' anatomy. But what about the plight of Jon Hamm's penis? The poor man can't afford underpants and is forced to display his genitalia in clingy pants everywhere he goes.

A manhunt is on for the vandal who covered Sussex, England with big pictures of penises. The posters include the slogan "Fees set to rise later this year," and police think it may be "some sort of protest." [BBC] (Pic)

Who's shilling vodka these days? Bruce Willis, as well as Spike Lee. Also, ad agencies can't find enough "creatives," and all the "creatives" that they have are stereotypical pricks. These things are all related, if you think about it.

In March the Village Voice's Foster Kamer made a penis joke about Jim Dolan, the evil billionaire who controls Cablevision, Madison Square Garden, and Rainbow Media. Dolan was not amused. Now he's retaliated by getting $1 million of advertising pulled.