dogs

This Fat Little Idiot Has No Idea How to Sleep

Kelly Conaboy · 09/11/15 12:40PM

This dog’s name is “Spanky,” allegedly, but if you told me his name was “Sleepy” I’d have no choice but to believe you. And then I’d have no choice but to ask, “But—shouldn’t his name be ‘Dumb Sleepy’ or ‘Sleepy Idiot’ or, I don’t know, something like ‘Falls Over from Sleepiness ‘Cause of No Brain’?”

Johnny Depp Is Not Concerned About Those Smuggling Charges—And Why Should He Be—His Fall Guy Is Bound to Him For Life

Gabrielle Bluestone · 09/11/15 09:45AM

Suppose one night a witch came to you in a dream and presented you with the following proposition: You can have minor fame and a reasonable prenup if you marry Johnny Depp. But someday, when the time comes, you may have to go to jail for him because he needed a pair of dumb dogs with him on set to “focus,” whatever that means. Would you do it? Honestly, it doesn’t really matter if you would because someone has already taken your place: poor, sweet Amber Heard.

You Will Never Escape My Horde of Golden Hounds

Hudson Hongo · 07/26/15 09:45PM

At this point, you’re probably considering escape—and it’s true, even a reasonably swift child could outpace me—but you will never outrun the dozen flaxen hounds you see before you.

That's a Very Good Dog 

Gabrielle Bluestone · 06/09/15 07:20PM

Figo—a very good dog (who’s a very good dog—YOU ARE! YOU ARE! FIIIIGOOOO)—threw himself in front of a bus this weekend to save his blind owner from almost certain death. Imagine being loved that much??