With country star Mindy McCready's Sunday-afternoon suicide, the total number of Celebrity Rehab deaths has reached five. Sixth months ago, The Daily Beast wondered if the VH1 reality show was a "death trap"; last year, the show dropped the celebrity angle and became just Rehab with Dr. Drew, because if anyone's better-equipped than celebrities to deal with treatment in public, it's regular-Joe addicts. Self-promoting host Dr. Drew Pinsky, revealed by a 2012 Justice Department settlement to be a shill for big pharma, told Buzzfeed he was "deeply saddened by this news." (Last night he was deeply saddened all over CNN.) [Gawker | The Daily Beast | WaPo | BuzzFeed | CNN]

Celebrity theraploitationist Dr. Drew Pinsky will air his interview with Bristol Palin on his HLN talk show tonight. In this preview clip, watch as Pinsky really, really tries to get her to say she wasn't just knocked-up by Levi Johnston, but that she was raped by him.

Charlie Sheen says he's "ready to call anyone for help," but is this just another senseless rant, or has his mania abated? Lindsay Lohan's maybe-stolen necklace hits the auction block. Amanda Seyfried gets Botox at 25. Wednesday gossip crashes into a deep depression.

It has almost been a year - to the day - that Tiger Woods crashed his SUV, beginning a year-long (and still continuing) tailspin. A major player emerging from that scandal is back. Rachel Uchitel, everybody!

Lohan's day of surrender is nigh, and she has no lawyer and is tweeting sad little "eeeks." Oksana Grigorieva walked away from $15 million. Enrique Iglesias photographs his junks. Tuesday gossip is full of foreboding.

Lindsay Lohan was seen checking into a sober living facility in West Hollywood yesterday and her mother Dina and ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson were spotted there later in the day. Is she trying to weasel out of jail time?

Tila Tequila is too crazy for Gary Busey's safe haven. Michael Jackson hired mad scientists to teach pet chimp Bubbles to speak. Lindsay Lohan dodges "snake charmer" lawyer. Monday gossip is full of peril.

Tonight on Larry King Live—the show of our generation and several previous ones—three people who have little or no contact with Lindsay Lohan (namely her father, Michael) discussed her 90-day jail sentence. Michael's reaction? "Satisfaction," baby! Video inside.

Jersey Shore falls for the Hilton sisters, and horror ensues. Coolio's new tattoo has a typo. Naomi Campbell cancelled an appearance because they tried to make her walk up stairs. Tuesday gossip is nightmarish in a good way.

An "intuitive psychic" healer named Aiden is her new manager. James Brown's body goes missing from its crypt. Socialite shocked to discover racism, anti-semitism, homophobia make you unpopular. Corey Haim died of a too-big heart. Friday gossip is so alone.

As soon as the words came out of Gerard's mouth, he regretted them. Corey Feldman defends Corey Haim. Jessica Simpson misses Tony Romo's "cute butt." Pattinson used to get beat up all the time. Thursday's gossip roundup has no filter.

The father of Gmail gave his kid a pat on the back; a TV doctor defended his slang; and Ashton Kutcher's iPhone ruined his Mexican relations. The Twitterati just tried to get along.

It may, however, be a euphemism for "cosmetic procedures too dangerous to be legal in the States." Mackenzie Phillips backtracks on part of her incest claim. Lady Gaga gets a tattoo for her fans. Thursday's gossip will leave a mark.

• Charlie Gibson signed off as anchor of World News for the last time tonight. He's bidding goodbye to ABC News after a 34-year run. [ABC News, AP]
• More advertisers are fleeing from Tiger Woods; Tag Heuer is the latest. [NYP]
• The New York Times says its newsroom layoffs are done with. [Gawker, NYO]
• Twitter was hacked by last night; it's still unclear who was behind it. [LAT]
• Google is reportedly in talks to buy Yelp for as much as $500 million. [NYT]
• How much will Avatar rake in this weekend? That's the big question. [NYM]
• Time Warner Cable and Fox are embroiled in a big feud right now. [NYDN]
• Want to watch 3D movies in your living room? That's coming next. [WSJ]
• Is Dr. Drew Pinsky a real doctor, or does he just play one on TV? [TDB]

Joel Madden slammed Kesha's "jacked" sounding single; a Wired editor said Roger Ebert's copy was sloppy; and David Carr doth protested about his diss too much. The Twitterati bled their rivals.

Dr. Drew Pinsky turned into a self-harming cutter; Diablo Cody disagreed with the internet and a CNN anchor got dissed. Things went pear shaped for the Twitterati.

Beyoncé turns 28 today. Mark Ronson is turning 34. Police commissioner Ray Kelly is 68. Congressman Anthony Weiner is turning 45. Hotelier/restaurateur Sean MacPherson turns 45. Paper magazine co-founder David Hershkovits is turning 62. Damon Wayans is 49. Retired baseball player Mike Piazza is 41. And Dr. Drew Pinsky is celebrating his 51st. Weekend birthdays below.

Heidi Montag wants to be impregnated. Bethenny Frankel wants new friends. And Martha's Vineyard wants to see Chelsea Clinton wear white. Good morning! It's Monday's Gossip Roundup!

• Paris Hilton reportedly broke up with boyfriend Doug Reinhardt after she saw him partying with a "Texas beauty queen" named Kendhal Beal. The heiress responded by throwing a fit (and some fruit and ice in Beal's direction). But don't you worry about Paris. She's got her dependable sister by her side. And she's already moved on to someone new, namely soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo. [P6, People]
• Madonna will be performing her Kabbalah rituals today with an extra bit of enthusiasm: Malawi's highest court has overturned its previous ruling and has granted her adoption of Mercy James. Justice to the people! [DM]
• Dr. Drew Pinsky of Celebrity Rehab is offering Lindsay Lohan six figures to appear on his VH1 reality show. But only because he cares deeply about her well-being, not because he's interested in ratings or anything. [NYP]

• Paris Hilton is getting married! Well, sort of. America's original celebutard told reporters that boyfriend Doug Reinhardt is "going to be my husband," and now friends say they're planning a summer wedding in the Bahamas. These two are going to be together forever, just you wait and see. [E!]
• The Lindsay Lohan-Sam Ronson trainwreck rolls on: Ronson seems to have changed her mind and decided she no longer wants a restraining order; LiLo says she's "devastated" by the breakup and that everyone has turned on her. Now Lohan's friends say they're worried she's suicidal. [People, Us, TMZ]
• You didn't expect Michael Lohan to pass up a PR opportunity, did you? He says he's cleared his schedule and put aside his "numerous commitments" to help Lindsay through this crisis. [OK!]
• Madonna isn't taking her legal defeat in Malawi very well: Not only did she send her kids to stay with Guy Ritchie so she could "drown her sorrows" with Stella McCartney, she wore an "uncharacteristically mumsy outfit," too, which can't possibly be a good sign. [Sun, DM]