Charlie Sheen says he's "ready to call anyone for help," but is this just another senseless rant, or has his mania abated? Lindsay Lohan's maybe-stolen necklace hits the auction block. Amanda Seyfried gets Botox at 25. Wednesday gossip crashes into a deep depression.

  • Is Charlie Sheen's crazy train finally coming to a halt? "I'm really starting to lose my mind. I'm ready to call anyone for help," he apparently admitted to Life & Style. "I'm really trying to contain myself right now. My lawyer wants to come over to my house and take the bullets out of my gun." Has his mania finally broken, sending Sheen into a deep depression, or is this more unhinged rambling? Ranting crazy people are a bit like that truism about a room full of monkeys pounding on typewriters: If you wait long enough, they'll say whatever you want them to, eventually. Anyway, here are a bunch of other Sheen things in the news, for the 2.4 million of you who care: A rant about John Cryer; a rant about Women; some news about the fate of Two and a Half Men; a rant about the machete he was wielding the other day; and an update on his legal battle with Warner Bros. [L&S, image via Bauer-Griffin]
  • 25-year-old Amanda Seyfried has already had Botox. When she was told she needed it, "I was like, Damn you! But we're in Hollywood. I'm on a huge screen. With these new digital cameras, you can see the peach fuzz on my face." Amanda Seyfried: Starved and shot in the face, then rewarded with fame. [Elle]
  • Kamofie and Co., the jewelry store that accused Lindsay Lohan of stealing a $2,500 necklace (didn't it used to be a $2,000 necklace? when did the valuation increase?) is now auctioning the necklace: "We have decided to sell the diamond necklace through auction, and give the proceeds to charity. We invite the public to make suggestions as to the most appropriate charity to receive the benefits of the sale's proceeds." Hmm, something about substance abuse and reducing criminal recidivism would be appropriate? Meanwhile, LiLo has launched a lawsuit against Kamofie over the surveillance tape of her trying on the fabled necklace, which Kamofie sold to the press. Moral of the story: The kind of jewelry store that even entertains the notion of handing out freebies to substance-abusing criminal starlets is not an organization substance-abusing criminal starlets should trust, anyway. [TMZ, TMZ]
  • As for Lindsay Lohan's criminal case, she isn't taking a plea bargain. At least, so we surmise from the slightest shake of a head during a paparazzi ambush in the dark of the night. And that's what our news cycle is, now: An alcoholic nodding slightly, and a man ranting about tiger blood on his webcam. S[TMZ]
  • Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are fighting over custody of painfully named son Bronx Mowgli Simpson-Wentz. Ashlee wants full custody; Pete wants joint custody; Bronx Mowgli wants parents whose idea of a literary namesake is something other than a feral child from The Jungle Book. [Us]
  • Lady Gaga tells Neil Strauss (who somehow manages to be taken seriously as a music journalist despite the great, frothing humiliation of his career as a pick-up artist) about her party girl past: "Sometimes it freaks me out—or should I say it petrifies me—when I think about laying in my apartment [years ago in New York] with bedbugs and roaches on the floor and mirrors with cocaine everywhere, and no will or interest in doing anything but making music and getting high." Neil says she's totally BS-ing about being an addict ("There's a line between doing coke as a recreation party thing and doing coke on your own") but honestly, all I can think about is the bedbug- and roach-infested apartment. Did it really exist? Didn't Gaga go straight from NYU to super-stardom? Wouldn't the itchy-scratchy bites mess up her ability to waltz around town half-naked? "I didn't have a bad childhood," Gaga explains. "All of the things I went through were on my own quest for an artistic journey to fuck myself up like Warhol and Bowie and Mick." Confirmed: Lady Gaga is still a melodramatic NYU performance art major at heart. [Radar]
  • Miley Cyrus is text-flirting with Kings of Leon bassist Jared Followill. Will they fall in love? Will they sing annoying songs together? Only time will tell! [Popeater, HollywoodLife]
  • After Dr. Drew fired partycrashing housewife Michaele Salahi from Celebrity Rehab for not needing rehab (did "not being a celebrity" ever come up?) her husband announced that Dr. Drew violated the Americans with Disabilities Act by discriminating against Michaele "due to her health condition." If the Salahis sue a doctor for failing to treat someone who is healthy, it could be a landmark case for Munchausen's victims worldwide. [TMZ]
  • Sienna Miller says she "bought [her] freedom" by suing a paparazzi agency that photographed her naked, and a Murdoch-owned news outlet that hacked her cellphone: "I got the law changed with the paparazzi. They can't take photographs of me anywhere I expect privacy." [Guardian]
  • Eva Longoria and Eduardo Cruz sipped ice tea between make-out sessions at the Chateau Marmont. In the shadows, Penelope Cruz sharpens a tube of lipstick into a shiv. [People]
  • Alice in Chains bassist and Celebrity Rehab alumni Mike Starr has died at the age of 44. Cause of death is currently unknown. Rest in peace. [E!]