Ted Cruz is positively SICKENED by how low the liberal media is willing to go “to attack and destroy” him and everyone he holds dear, specifically with claims that he keeps trotting out his kids like trained monkeys. So to retaliate Ted Cruz has decided to.... trot out his kids like trained monkeys and beg for money.
Lindsey Graham, senator from South Carolina, announced this morning that he is “suspending my campaign for President.” It is a suspension the rest of us can safely assume is permanent.
In one of his rare, lengthy news conferences, on Thursday, Vladimir Putin called Donald Trump “brilliant” and “talented without doubt.” Trump, who always accepts compliments gracefully, welcomed the Russian’s plaudits and defended his new best friend from criticism.
The Democratic National Committee has accused Bernie Sanders’ campaign of illicitly accessing confidential voter information acquired by the Clinton campaign, The Washington Post reported late Thursday night. Sanders’ campaign manager, for his part, hasn’t denied the allegations outright—but he is chalking the whole thing up to a computer glitch.
Somehow, impossibly, we’ve made it through five total GOP debates over the course of five months. We’ve seen spirits crushed (Jeb), lies told (everyone), and would-be dictators rouse the masses (Trump). At a certain point, all the racism, bickering, and stupidity just start blending together. Here’s a refresher.
On Tuesday, Ben Carson said he spoke to Reince Pubis. Pubis—a plump, humanoid Jedi Master with dark red hair, and an affable scholar of Jedi history—should not be confused with Reinhold Richard “Reince” Priebus, the chairman of the Republican National Committee.
Tonight at 8:30 p.m. Eastern, the 9 (??) top GOP candidates will take the stage for the 358th time to see who can scream “ISIS” the loudest. And we’ll be liveblogging every last tirade with the help of our sister site Jezebel. Because no one should have to go through this alone.
“The first thing I would do would be make adjustments to reality,” Senator Lindsey Graham said in response to a question about whether he would support immigration reform again. Vampires are certainly powerful but this seems like an overstatement.
Last night, the latest installment of the beloved sci-fi incest franchise Star Wars had its world premiere. Tonight, a small army of attention-hungry presidential hopefuls are going to be yelling at us on CNN. How can we be sure these desperate men and Carly Fiorina won’t slip a spoiler in, effectively ruining the entire set of films that gave us beloved characters like Spock and Mulder? Apparently, we can’t.
“Feed me a line,” failed HP CEO and presidential candidate Carly Fiorina says through gritted teeth as an army of tiny pups squirms in her lap. She is visibly uncomfortable—irate even. But she is smiling a wide-eyed, crazed smile. In a few seconds she will be eating dog food. This is Carly Fiorina’s attempt at being human.
The holiday season is a time to take a break from life’s dreary annoyances, so you can spend it with the people that you actually love and enjoy. Which is to say, the holiday season is not a time for Jeb. Jeb knows this. And he’s willing to leave you alone, too—for one low, easy payment of $25.
If listening to the current Republican presidential frontrunners speak is scaring you to death, here is something to make you feel better: there is now a semi-plausible scenario in which the entire party hilariously self-destructs.
Americans are more afraid of terrorism than at any other time since 9/11’s immediate aftermath, according to a new poll. Meanwhile, Democrats find themselves in the uncomfortable position of having to take seriously the man who declared tonight anyone who found guilty of killing a cop should be executed.
