New York City's Off-Track Betting parlors, the seediest places left in Manhattan (next to those secret Chinese gambling dens, anyway), are all set to close following an order from noted fun-hater Michael Bloomberg, who's surely done more than any previous mayor to rid the city of its amoral, filthy character, but everyone still loves him anyway because he's not Giuliani and the newsmedia is controlled by and made up of the well-off bastards he's delivered New York to on a silver platter. The Times investigates the wacky, Damon Runyan-esque characters who throw their lives away at the OTB, including the dapper old "retired actor" who says that should the parlors actually close, he'll "probably just stop betting and go to the theater more." We can't let that happen. [NYT]

Have you guys noticed the relatively new website TMZ? We've linked to it a few times (notably, they had a lot of documents from the Paris Hilton lawsuit); it's a new entertainment news site that, so far as we can tell, features a lot of the typical wire stuff plus a decent handful of original reporting. It's not half bad, if you like watching celebrity lookalikes traipse around Fashion Week and learning that underage stars drink.

We have no idea if this is actually Adrian Grenier's Friendster, as we're told it is. We're sort of willing to believe it, for several reasons including that it dates back to well before the debut of Entourage. Real or not, though, we very much enjoy the "favorite books" section:

IMDb is reporting that America's favorite unmarried domestic partners in hippiedom, actors Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, are quite possibly on their way to middle-aged loneliness. Goldie Hawn is rumored to have taken up a close friendship with legendary cricket star (betcha never though you'd see those three words in the same sentence) Imran Khan and Kurt, as a result of his distress over being ditched for, ahem, a cricket player, is making his costars cry on the set of his latest film, Sky High. We see only one solution to save this relationship: Goldie will have to fall over the side of a yacht and work for a white-trash stable of boys until she learns to love Kurt again.
Goldie & Kurt Split? [IMDb]

Friday night marks Out magazine's 100 party, in which 100 hot gay icons (including someone we know rather intimately around HQ) will dance the night away in sparkly outfits as they celebrate their fabulousness. But we're hearing that guest of honor George Michael, originally rather excited by the prospect of holding court at Capitale amongst attractive young men, has backed out of the event at the last minute. Out's parties are usually rather small affairs, but this year's fete has over 1700 guests attending, along with reporters from People and Access Hollywood. Apparently there are things in this world too big and too gay for even George Michael.

· Vincent D'Onofrio, star of one of those Law and Order spinoffs, passes out from grief over the outcome of the election. So tough, those liberals. [Page Six]
· Lloyd Grove and co. can't get into a party, but they can get Brett Ratner to give them a misogynistic report of the affair. [Lowdown]
· Britney Spears looks increasingly likely to be carrying Federline spawn in her greasy womb. [Page Six]
· Hey, here's some shocking news: Naomi Campbell fights with another assistant. [R&M]

Psychotic songbeast and professional beard Liza Minnelli is in trouble again. Once she was done beating the shit out of freak former husband David Gest, Liza allegedly assaulted her chaffeur, M'Hammed Soumayah—that is, when she wasn't forcing Soumayah to have sex with her. Soumayah is now suing Minelli for his pain and suffering (and psychological damages?). The 6-page lawsuit is disappointingly threadbare of details, but Soumayah claims he has "physical evidence of his nonconsensual sexual relationship with Minnelli." What sort of physical evidence this might be, we can't say, but you can bet we'd rather disembowel ourselves than have a look at any sort of goods related to Liza's sex life.
Minnelli Hit With Sex/Violence Lawsuit [TSG]

· A guest of an InStyle magazine party at Spice Market hurled his wine at jewelry designers David and Sybil Yurman after Sybil asked the guest to lower his voice. Drink throwing—always in style, even if Yurman isn't. [Lowdown]
· Not only is Mary-Kate Olsen back in town, but she's "devouring" her food. We refuse to believe it. [Page Six]
· Another season of The Apprentice, another report of reality television trysts. Bow-tied castoff Raj is kicking some game with several of the lady contestants. [Page Six]
· Kate Bosworth: still not eating. [R&M (4th item)]
· Madonna's longtime manager escapes the Kabbalah center and ditches Madonna in the process. [Scoop]

Which is more disappointing: that a Las Vegas judge granted heiress Nicky Hilton and Todd Meister an annulment, or that the AP is actually running this breaking item on its esteemed wires?
Nicky Hilton Ends Marriage With Todd Meister [AP]

· Everything old is new again: another woman has stepped forward to claim she had an affair with Bill Clinton (in the hideous 1980's, no less) and is suing a Quaker school for harassing her about her tryst. [Page Six]
· Finally, Burt Reynolds' publicist has some work. Reynolds filed a preemptive extortion suit against his ex-girlfriend, Pamela Seals, in an effort to fill the void that Bill O'Reilly left behind. [R&M]
· Elton John develops Tourette's Syndrome on BBC's Radio 1 yesterday morning. [Scoop]
· Huckabees director and Times poster child David O. Russell makes an ass of himself in London when making anti-Bush comments. [Page Six]
· Former Manhattan borough president Andrew Stein screams about Shih Tzus in his limo. [Lowdown]

Before we snicker at her stitched-up nipple one more time, let's allow Tara to reflect on her 29th birthday:

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

· It took Tara Reid's reps some time to notice (and, sadly, rectify) her exposed breast because designer Betsey Johnson was busy lighting things on fire. Thank you, Betsey! [Gatecrasher]
· Like we said, Paris hates panties. Poor Paris, everyone makes money off of her pussy but her. Actually, she's probably cashing in as we write. [ELK]
· Hunchbacked Beatles spawn Sean Lennon and model Milla Jovovich are spotted necking at P. Diddy's birthday party. [R&M]
· Actress Marisa Tomei is not—we repeat, NOT—performing on an Alaskan theater cruise. We know you all bought tickets, but there's no word on refunds. [Page Six]

Have you recovered from Friday's Tara Reid extravaganza? No? Too bad, because skanktastic Paris Hilton is hardly content to let Tara take the coveted Cipriani spotlight. As Paris knows all too well, there's only one thing that can top a misshapen, post-op nipple, and that's letting the paparazzi snap your snatch. Checkmate.
(Click the image for what you won't find on Getty Images. NSFW, natch.)

In today's installment of Gawker Stalker, our intrepid privacy violators tip us off to the latest trend: Gay Reality TV star on Gay Reality TV star PDA! Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's Jai Rogriguez (aka, Culture Spice) and Big Brother's Will Wikle (aka, Alliterative Spice) canoodle (is that what it's called?) at Barracuda.

Tara Reid's epidermis (you know, tit) was showing on the red carpet at P.Diddy's 35th birthday (B. Diddy?) last night. Gawk away while you can, my friends, while the Red States reclaim the government and damn us all to hell.

P. Diddy's Royal Birthday Ball [OAN]

Tara Reid Photos [That's Just Not Right]

We always knew The New Yorker was a hotbed of slo-mo's (Joseph Mitchell comes immediately to mind), but are these 'mo's interesting enough to sustain an entire major motion picture?

Hey ladies, looking to date a powerful man who's a great public speaker and a burgeoning TV star?

· Kerry insiders are blaming producer-mogul-narcissist P. Diddy for their candidate's defeat. "He was just a nuisance...The whole thing was a joke. No one outside of New York or L.A. gives a hoot about this guy." Wait, are they talking about Diddy or Kerry? [Page Six]
· J.Lo's former super-manager Benny Medina just got dumped by current cash cow, Ricky Martin. "Officially, Ricky Martin and [Medina's company] Handprint Entertainment are no longer working together... and this has been done in a very amicable way," says Martin's flak. As J.Lo can tell you, a breakup like this hurts, but after the third or fourth, it gets a lot easier. [Lowdown]
·Kate Bosworth and Sienna Miller (yeah, we had to look her up, too) are reportedly in the running to play slumming heiress and Andy Warhol muse Edie Sedgwick. Whichever actress can lose forty pounds before production begins will land the job. [Liz Smith]

· Super-agency ICM's New York division is shedding some weight. Bart Walker, who reps Julian Schnabel, Sofia Coppola, and John Turturro, is leaving for CAA and will be taking his clients with him; ICM client Peter Chelsom runs for Endeavor. [Page Six]
· There is some justice: Bungalow 8 owner Amy Sacco talks of seceding her venue from the rest of the country. [R&M]
· Scarlett Johansson continues to spread her barely-legal self. Now she's been connected to Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, her costar in an upcoming Woody Allen film. [Page Six]
· Russell Crowe weighs in against stem cell research. Well, at least he's happy. [Scoop]