Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Bruce Willis accidentally tumble into a wormhole and pop out in 1985.
The latest issue of Maxim once again slaps Desperate Housewives' Eva Longoria on its cover, as she's won the coveted honor of the top slot in the magazine's annual Hot 100 issue, thus confirming for eternity her kleenex-and-hand-lotion worthiness. This is the second year in a row that Longoria has been named number one and the first time that Maxim has had a repeat winner; in order for Longoria to claim victory, she had to beat out the AlbaJolieLohans and 96 other insecure chicks who were just as willing to contort themselves in the same backlit, sultry, bikini-clad poses that you've seen in every other men's magazine a million times before.
Desperate Housewives' Eva Longoria continues to be the subject of an ongoing campaign by Maxim magazine to beatify the pint-sized Latina firecracker with the title of Her Babemost Excellency, Supreme Exalted Hottie Above All Others. Not satisfied merely to celebrate their 100th issue by coating the Nevada desert in her Godzilla-sized likeness, Longoria now crowns the magazine's annual "Hot 100" list for the second year in a row:
Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you overheard Winona Ryder confide in a Barneys salesperson about her addiction to doing laundry.
Eva Longoria is confounded by the fact that her media coverage—for example, posing in a bikini for a 110-foot Maxim cover visible from space—has given the public the impression that she's some sort of a primetime soap-starring airhead. Promoting her upcoming supporting role in The Sentinal, she corrects the record on the massive intellect she has until now been keeping tucked away safely somewhere in her cleavage:
Maxim has reached its 100th issue. To mark that achievement, the ur-lad mag has created an enormous version of its milestone cover, featuring Housewife Eva Longoria, and splayed it across the desert outside Las Vegas. The ginormous cover is 75 feet wide by 110 feet long, and the press release brags that it's visible from space. (Certainly it's visible from Google Earth — image at right — but then so is our apartment building.) We don't know if that claim is true, but, if it is, we really hope no Martians are looking right now. If they are, God, we're so embarrassed.
We've often found ourselves wishing that someone would finally drag Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria into the Nevada desert and secure her to the arid terrain with airline cable and stakes, but it was a decidedly less worshipful proposition than the stunt that Maxim magazine has staged to celebrate its 100th issue. They've installed a 110-foot-long version of their milestone cover outside of Las Vegas (above is a screenshot from a Google Earth link the magazine provides on their website; that little white thing at the bottom is a truck, if you need sense of terrifying scale), perhaps the largest monument to a B-list TV actress ever constructed. Expect an immediate response by castmate/famewhore rival Teri Hatcher, who has her publicist researching the feasibility of swaddling the Good Year blimp in her "I Was Molested!" Vanity Fair cover, which they would like to hire to circle the airspace above the Housewives set through their entire third season.
Showbiz TV magazine Extra—the one where host Mark McGrath tries his hardest to muster some Mary Hart-style enthusiasm reading banal copy, while he's actually thinking, "God, I miss all the rock star pussy"—was paid a visit by Eva Longoria. She stopped by to set the record straight on some eyebrow-raising jaguarisms attributed to her in a recent Allure interview:
· Eva Longoria has apparently told Allure magazine that boyfriend Tony Parker has slept with only one other person in his life and that she's the "teacher" in their relationship. This might be a really dumb question, but do you ever think it occurs to her to not say the stupidest fucking possible thing when someone turns on a tape recorder? Just wonderin'.
Ever since StreetWars loosed its assassins on LA's population at midnight on Sunday, their blog has been a reliably entertaining time waster. It's all fun and games until someone with a SuperSoaker gets mistaken for a gangbanger and gunned down by the LAPD.
Losanjealous has our livers' backs with their St. Patricks' Day Boozing Guide.
Quick, how many puns can you think of involving popular snack food brands and slang for marijuana? Probably not this many.
· Oops, we forgot: Tomorrow is the big assistant Beirut/beer pong tourney at El Guapo. We expect full reports in our inbox by Monday morning! Especially if someone gets into a fight with a Benderspink guy.
Last night's Golden Globes red carpet was so glutted with talentless microphone jockies that we were tempted to virtually slash the vocal cords of the Dean Cains, Ryan Seacrests, Maria Menounoses, and Debbie Matenopouli with the mute button and substitute our own imagined mindless banter with the celebrities who clearly couldn't be bothered to engage with them. But out of the inept phalanx of "Who are you wearing?" monkeys emerged a new red carpet star in E!'s Isaac Mizrahi, who used the disarming smokescreen of his designer-grade flamboyance to ask Eva Longoria to hold forth about the disposition of her pubic hair (she demurred, though allowed that she's spray-tanned all over), to grope both Teri Hatcher and Scarlett Johansson (above; Hatcher pretended to be scandalized), and generally inject some loopy inappropriateness into the proceedings well before Harrison Ford's first drink. (Well, his first drink at the venue. Outside of the limo. And not out of a flask.) Mizrahi is, quite frankly, nothing short of a hero, and the fingers he used to caress Johansson's ample bosom should be immediately removed and bronzed for posterity.
Always on the lookout for new, cutting-edge vehicles from which she can cuss out unsuspecting passers by and peel away, noted vehicular rageaholic and Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria made an appearance at the Detroit auto show yesterday, providing a delightful bit of life imitating art (her DH character Gabrielle resorts to being a car model in one episode) while simultaneously allowing her to lend her high-profile star power to the worthy cause of earning herself an appearance fee.
The inviting smell of a roasting turkey, beloved family members catching up after being apart for too long, spit flying from Eva Longoria's bright red face as she cusses someone out from the window of an SUV these are just a few of the cherished traditions we have all come to associate with the holidays. Who of us wasn't touched by her parking attendant-stiffing reminder, "Jesus! It s Thanksgiving. Be nice. FUCK!" Now comes news of this Christmas Eve interaction with San Antonio's finest:
Thanksgiving came early for one lucky parking attendant near the Toluca Lake Koo Koo Roo today, when a Desperate Housewives cast member went out of her way to make sure he was mindful of the holiday season:
Entourage's Jeremy Piven and Eva Longoria of Desperate Housewives share a tender moment as they arrive at the Emmys: "Listen, baby, I'm a lock for this Emmy. If you know what's good for you, you'll meet me in the men's bathroom in two minutes for a celebration and we'll do some things you'll need to tell your priest about tomorrow. Sound good? No? See these bunny ears? When Marc Cherry gets bored of you banging the gardener and kills off your character, you're going to be wearing a set when you serve me a maitai in the Grotto."
Nicolette Sheridan is going to have to try a little harder if she hopes to break the hammer-lock that Desperate Housewives co-star (and fellow Emmy snubee) Eva Longoria has on the gossip rags. A simple nip-slip (even a double-slip, admittedly a nice touch) isn't going to get the job done, especially with Longoria's flacks working so hard to establish her as Hollywood's leading media whore. Sheridan would need the equivalent of five simultaneously exposed nipples to compete with a single week of Longoria's red carpet output.
You'd think that, for over a grand per night, the Ritz-Carlton would be able to keep the riff-raff locked up and under control. Not so much, sadly, when Tommy Lee and Eva Longoria come to town:
When JV Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria was non-grievously bonked on her pretty noggin by a section of pipe last week, we sheepishly admit that our first thought was not, "Wow, we hope that she's OK and makes a speedy, heroic return to work," but "Hey, how much hair does she have on her ladyflower?" Page Six sets our minds at ease:
Oh, celebrities! When they aren't falling off horses, they're standing around on sets, minding their own business, and practically begging to become victims of gravity. A Defamer operative on the scene wrote in to inform us of an on-set accident yesterday involving Eva Longoria on a Desperate Housewives location shoot:
