Shock-em in Gotham: Bill “De” Blasio, the current mayor of this great metropolis, is the kind of guy who goes to the gym in cargo shorts. Is this what we need, in a leader?

“Hamilton”-themed SoulCycle classes?

High class? Low class? No class. NO FITNESS CLASS. NEVER.

A new “Yoga in America” study finds that there are more than 36 million yoga practitioners in the U.S., which is an increase of more than 50% in just the past four years. At this rate, in 20 years nearly every U.S. citizen will be doing yoga, which is sure to bring us all together.

“Dr. Taz says waist trainers makes heart burn and indigestion worse, and women pass out after wearing them because they can’t get enough air.” Why not just run hill sprints and pass out from lack of air while actually improving your waistline?

A new study finds that lifting weights may “slow the age-related shrinking of some parts of our brains.” Don’t be weak, old, and dumb—squat.

You look at yourself and see a strong, vibrant member of a community of like-minded individuals. I look at you and I see a sweaty, desperate fascist in training. Three supportive cheers from the Fitness Team for your personal record today—fascist!

Just a couple of years ago, Mohamed El-Erian was one of the most powerful financiers in the world, overseeing nearly $2 trillion as CEO of Pimco. Now, he’s, uh... well, he has a Fitbit?

Get up.

Are you one of a subset of 83 million Americans? You’re lazy, man.

Mark Jordan, a 54-year-old Texas man, has broken the world record for pullups—4,321 in 24 hours. Ladies?

Should you lift weights to heavy metal? Should you cardio dance to hip hop tracks? Should you run the streets listening to podcasts? NO.

No.

Last week, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid broke his ribs and his face in a mysterious "exercise accident." Now, Harry Reid is speaking out on what the hell happened. We still don't get it.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid broke "a number of ribs and bones in his face" while exercising last night in his Henderson, Nevada home.

A big surprise today, a shock, a dark horse galloping from nowhere to win the championship: the New York Times declares that "The Super-Short Workout" is the "fitness trend" of 2014. A trend that they invented!

Crossfit here. Crossfit there. Crossfit everywhere. Crossfit is the chicken pox of a new generation.

Technology addicts were panicked this week at news of a study finding that looking down at your cell phone is equivalent to placing a 60-pound weight on your neck. Not to worry—there is a solution, robots.

John Glaude once weighed 360 lbs., but the 21-year-old went "from obese to beast" over 7 months of diet and exercise. Now he's down to a muscular 200 lbs., with a flat stomach and thick biceps, and he's a lot more comfortable with his body. Except for one thing.

"The new treadmill gyms are betting that running in place can become the newest hit among the Lululemon set, enticing people willing to pay $34 or more for a single class." Nah.