Rocco DiSpirito went to the opening of a Broadway show last night — Richard Greenberg's Three Days of Rain, starring Julia Roberts — and showed off his sequined t-shirt. You know, to demonstrate how not gay he is.
• Colin Farrell and former Playmate Nicole Narain reach an "amicable settlement" regarding their sex tape, which Narain had been trying to sell. We kind of hate him for locking away the footage after we'd already seen the heat he was packing. Cocktease. [R&M]
• Stephen Baldwin is selling his Rockland County manse reportedly because he owes "a crapload" to the IRS. Stars — they really are just like us! [Page Six]
• How DARE the American Figure Skating Association sideline our beloved Johnny Weir simply because he's a flaming little bonfire of fun. [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
• Looks like Tom Cruise has taken to rigging public opinion polls, which would be more effective if said polls weren't on Parade.com. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, Cruise won't be tolerating any dyslexia talk from Swedish journalists. [Scoop]
• Jamie Foxx would like to think he's R&B's "savior." Please keep your snickering to a dull roar. [Guardian UK]
• The publication and paychecks have moved on to a better place, Cargo's moderately crappy swag lives on. [601am]
• Nick Sylvester offers the world's most incoherent explanation of what happened with that little mess he made at the Voice. It makes more sense if you get stoned before you read it. [Riff Central]
• Highly entertaining Jane editor-at-large Jeff Johnson steps down, presumably because of creative wanderlust. [Fitted Sweats]
• Alas, poor Krucoff travels all the way to the Javitz Center only to learn that the auto show lacks the sufficient skin-baring car sluts one would hope for. [Young Manhattanite]
• A new affliction: "Afflufemza," the condition of uncontrollable vomiting in regards to phrases like "motherhood is hot right now." [Powell's]
• It took just 10 minutes for every gay man in Manhattan to go broke buying Madonna tickets. [NYDN]
• Test audiences want Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn together so badly, producers are reshooting The Break Up so that the two leads don't, er, break up. [Page Six]
• Michael Douglas pulls the denial card, insisting that his disparaging remarks in GQ about Brangelina were misquotes. Or maybe he's just scared of their beautiful wrath. [R&M]
• Hey, remember Jennifer Lopez? Us neither. But she's suing her ex-husband, who's writing a tell-all of their marriage after she refused to pony up $5 million for his silence. Jesus — is it shakedown month around here or something? [Page Six]
• The estranged wife of right-wing billionaire Richard Mellon Scaife goes Naomi on his staff, assaulting his housekeeper, security chief, and "cancer-ridden" secretary. [Lowdown]
• Barbra Streisand refuses to appear on the series finale of Will & Grace, suggesting that Babs has no clue who constitutes her fanbase. [IMDb]
From "New DVDs," in yesterday's Times:
• George Clooney eats hot dogs! Let's sabotage hot dogs! [Gallery of the Absurd]
• And another one bites the dust: Hachette says it'll shut ELLEgirl after the June/July issue, leaving it as a web- and wireless-only brand. [WWD]
• Folio: announces its list of the 40 most influential/ successful / annoying / evil people in magazine publishing. The Daily Show's Jon Stewart makes the list — it's a long fall from the Oscars, ain't it? [Folio:]
• Meanwhile, Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry begins his long climb up the special events ladder by hosting the Webby awards. [PR Newswire]
• Why we prefer the foreign press: They know we want to read about a dude who took 40,000 hits of ecstasy. [Guardian]
• Death Row Records head Suge Knight may have declared bankruptcy, but he's never too poor to pop a cap in your ass. [TMZ]
• Rosie O'Donnell is back in our good graces. According to her profile in New York, she shares our love for the Schtick Intuition. And last night on Leno, she called herself a 200-lb. lesbian. Good, clean fun — Rosie's back! [Fish Drink Water]
• Someone has stolen Jerry Garcia's toilet. Authorities believe the priceless porcelain may have been traded in for Big Gulp, Doritos, and two packs of Twinkies. [CNN]
• Ben Smith launches his Daily News political blog — complete with a sexy picture. Too bad he hasn't left the Observer yet. [Daily Politics]
• Drudge reports on Couric's move to CBS by reprinting the Mary Tyler Moore song. The Gay never lets us down. [Drudge]
Beware the Astoria lesbian bar: Manhattan Offender reports that this weekend, Scarlett Johansson's brother was in attendance and kicking some wild game. Specifically, he approached a potential score — bold, given the surroundings — with the following pick-up line: "Hi, I'm Scarlett Johansson's brother." Suave just doesn't cover it.
• After having unprotected sex with a green beret and trolling the web for the finest young men available, Clay Aiken is now looking for some female company. If only Penelope Cruz were available. [Page Six]
• Director Kevin Smith will not be casting Reese Witherspoon or Nicole Richie in any forthcoming films, as he feels the former is a cunt and the latter is a slut. Since when did that prevent an actress from getting a role? [Lowdown]
• Former Sony Music chairman Tommy Mottola angers his well-heeled neighbors in Westchester County by building a big, ugly house. As if Captain Greasypants would build a tasteful colonial. [R&M]
• The best lede we'll read all week: "Gloria Estefan says Fidel Castro poops his pants." [Gatecrasher]
• We were somehow overlooked this year, but the ballots for Vanity Fair's international best-dressed list include Amy Sacco, Anna Anisimova, Brian Williams, and maybe a few dead folk. [Page Six]
• Dear Sharon Stone: Please shut the fuck up already. [Liz Smith]
Last week, Page Six ran the following blind item:
• Remember the name Rachel Noerdlinger. She's the publicist who sent out an announcement that the city would pay $25.6 million Staten Island Ferry crash victim Paul Esposito when, in fact, no such agreement had been reached. Well done, missy. [NYT]
• For what it's worth, Times restaurant critic Frank Bruni can't get a table at Craft, either. And he often dines at hotspots as early as 5:45 or as late as 9:45 — just remind your girlfriend of that when she starts whining about Buddakan. [Diner's Journal]
• Stodgy millionaire residents of the West Village continue to complain about the noisy gay teens on Christopher Street and its pier. The solution, clearly, is to get these kids a roller rink. You know, a place to hang. [VV]
• Fine, fine — Time Inc. will pay you back. [FishbowlNY]
• The difference between Cargo.com and Cargomag.com? Heteros. [Big and Sharp]
• With Trader Joe's currently dominating the circus, 14th Street has become a paradise for gourmet food porn aficianados. [Curbed]
• Red States win at the Washington Post. [E&P]
Like pigeon shit dropping from the sky, the following internal email from deliciously hot but not-on-your-team Cargo editor Ariel Foxman appeared in our mailbag. It's a little murky but, best as we can tell, it would seem that Cargo is in the planning stages for their special Fall Fag Issue:
• The latest stanza in the ballad of Tomkat: Holmes and Cruise may have already been married by the Church of Scientology while at sea. Honestly, do we fucking care if or when or how they were married? We just want to see Katie take off that fake belly! It's been huge since her 9th week! [R&M]
• Are we the only ones that didn't know the "Larry" half of the Wachowskis — the duo behind the Matrix trilogy and V Is for Vendetta was transgendered? God, Hollywood is confusing. [Page Six]
• Lloyd Grove stuffs a pillow over Keith Olbermann's face after the cable news host derides Grove's poor fluffer, Katherine Thomson. [Lowdown]
• Supermodel Adriana Lima says she's a virgin until she's married. We're still waiting for scientific proof that you can date Lenny Kravitz and Derek Jeter and not have sex with them. [Page Six]
• Madonna maintains youth cred by making obscene gestures in her since-edited music video for Sorry. Alas, flashing all the victory meat in the world can hide disco crow's feet. [Scoop]
• Will Ferrell did not die in a paragliding accident. And if he did, do you really think you'd hear about it through a barely literate press release? [Defamer]
• So long as MTV-ready bands behave like this in Manhattan hotels, we'd rather sleep in our shoebox. Fucking trash monkeys, all of them. [Hotel Chatter]
• Ladies, prepare yourselves: Tomorrow is Steak and Blowjob day! Share it with the man you love, or at least one you don't mind sucking off. [SteakandBJDay]
• We can hardly fathom paying $82 for a stack of magazines. Make them a stack of bridal magazines, and you've the third ring of hell. [Bridal Blog]
• A Gay Clay is a defective one. [Got Detroit?]
• The bad thing about winning the U.S. Memory Championship is being unable to forget the reporter bugging you, that damn Foer kid. [Slate]
• Isaac Hayes, the voice of South Park's Chef, has left the show because of its "intolerance" towards Scientology. Translation: Tom Cruise was really mad about the "Tom's in the Closet" episode and had Hayes by his chocolate salty balls. [Page Six]
• We find it hilarious that model Lola Skye would accuse Sienna Miller of stealing her boyfriend, Hayden Christensen, particulary because Christensen is no girl's boyfriend. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Kevin Federline considers life as a stripper. Yeah, that seems about right. [Scoop]
• She hides her drugs in Fabrege eggs and masturbates with a 24-karat gold vibrator. Is there any luxury Kate Moss will spare? [Page Six]
• More on HBO's new multi-wived drama, Big Love: If you liked the premiere or just needed more reason to hate it, behold the show's cruel marketing tactics. We'll let you plaster the background of Page Six with your logo, but defiling the Times Vows section is simply unacceptable. What was once pure is now maimed by marketing whores. [City Specific]
• A study finds that bloggers do very little original reporting and, less surprisingly, cable news is the most shallow and ephemeral of media outlets. This has been brought to you by the Captain Obvious Center for Media Research. [NYT]
• Even less original reporting from bloggers today, as we hear that Blogger has been down. We love it when bloggers can't even bitch about being unable to bitch.
• Surprise, surprise: They just might shut down The Falls, where ex-con Darryl Littlejohn worked as a bouncer and was last seen with murder victim Imette St. Guillen. While it's still open, try to have your birthday party there — should be plenty of room for you and yours. [NY Sun]
• Remembering better days, before Angelina Jolie was rescuing orphans and was just another crazy dyke. [Stories You Cannot Tell]
• Mariah Carey buys her own winery — because that's how rich boozers roll. Rest assured, the zinfandel is very full-bodied. [omg blog]
• The best of Amazon, as presented by Andrew Krucoff. [Young Manhattanite]
• With injured anchor Bob Woodruff not likely making a full-time return and co-host Elizabeth Vargas' bursting womb, ABC is in need of a talking head for World News Tonight. Thankfully, it looks like Diane Sawyer will be coming to the rescue. She may be the network's fourth choice, but she's first in beating Katie Couric to the punch. [Fox 411]
• Dina Lohan cries to daughter Lindsay about her smoking, preferring that her little cash cow stick to non-carcinogenic substance abuse. [Page Six]
• Chloe Sevigny gets haughty when View co-host Joy Behar asked about her infamous blowjob scene with Vincent Gallo in Brown Bunny. She'll do it on camera, but she won't talk about it on camera — the mark of a true lady. [R&M]
• At a dinner on Saturday night, Ellen Barkin gets the Heimlich from CAA queen Bryan Lourd while Sylvester Stallone watches on. Point: Gays. [Page Six]
• How much is an interview with the French woman who had a face transplant worth? About $500K and a trip to Disneyworld, according to her lawyers. [Lowdown]
With its representation of two plain cowboys who fell in love in plain old Western wear, ["Brokeback Mountain"] hit the fashion bull's-eye. Cowboy boots, snap-button shirts and big ol' belt buckles standards that have come and gone several times before are striding back into style.
What ever happened to Martha Stewart's worst stockbroker ever, the studtastic Peter Bacanovic? Aside from functioning as an escort to well-heeled old biddies,he's working as creative director for the Judith Leiber ad campaign and still living in his Upper East Side townhome, the exterior of which was used in Breakfast at Tiffany's as Holly Golightly's building (way to live the Gay dream). The money might not be flowing, however, as DealBook reports today that Bacanovic has also taken out a second mortgage on his home:
