We received an anguished — even, perhaps, catty — email this morning:

With utter disregard for real news or succinct headlines.

Who says it can't be both?

Today's Times introduces us to Kevin Cahoon, a Broadway actor who also moonlights as a downtown rocker fronting the band Ghetto Cowboy:

The above advertisements are posted on opposing sides of a single Chelsea phone booth. The proximity of two conflicting messages has us wondering about the mutual exclusivity of these stereotypes. Can one exist without the other?

Brian Ellner, one of two openly gay democratic candidate for Manhattan borough president (the other being Margarita Lopez), hones in on his target by taking his campaign to Fire Island Boulevard. We'd like to see C. Virginia Fields get that close to the Meat Rack.

• Paris Latsis, the man who dares to make an honest woman out of his fiancée Paris Hilton, has yet to even discuss marriage with his father, who claims that it's going to be a long, long time before there's any walking down the aisle. Thank God. [Page Six]
• You knew the Michael Jackson trial was a spectacular waste of time, but the alleged juror behavior is beyond anything you imagined. One juror even communicated with Jackson's mother during the trial — but we're sure they weren't talking about anything related to the case, right? [NYDN]
• Is socialite spawn Jamie Johnson wronging his girlfriend, the Observer's Jessica Joffe? And, if so, why would he do so with Lydia Hearst? [R&M (last item)]
• Gay porn catfight! [Page Six]
• Roger Friedman embraces gay porn in his own weird way, sloppily fellating director Robert Altman. [Fox411]

Some vetter from the White House Counsel's office is getting fired right about now, we imagine.

Our excitement over Today's reporting on cornholes led us to prematurely elucidate. As you've likely already discovered, today, not yesterday, was the big NBC expose on that favorite Ohioan pastime. A reader more alert than we are sends in this report:

Yesterday was Teen Vogue sales assistant Lauren Blitzer's last day on the job, as she and her writing partner Lauren Levin have sold a book proposal to Simon Spotlight Entertainment for an "undisclosed sum." And they're not even bloggers!

Several Midwestern readers — who knew we had such things? — write in to inform us that cornhole means something very different in Ohio than it does here in New York. There's even a whole website devoted to their version of the activity, which apparently involves tossing beanbags, or something like that.

Apparently the Romance Writers of America, the professional association of romance writers, has graciously accepted Scott Pomfret, a gay romance novelist, as a full-fledged member.

We're definitely keeping an eye on the Today show this morning, after reading this article in The Cincinnati Enquirer:

The Times today explains the reasons for last week's surprise departure of Lahlan Murdoch from his high-level News Corporation gig, the publisher job at the Post, and, in its entirety, New York City.

We were pointed to this ad on the Gay.com homepage, and, God, it's just so nice to see someone who's been struggling for so long finally accept who he is. (Or who it is, in this case.) Can't wait to see you at the Phoenix, Details. First drink's on us!

• Is Cargo editor Ariel Foxman increasingly straight? Probably not, but it's certainly fun to speculate. [Jossip]
• Tara Reid: Still drunk after all these years. [Socialite's Life]
• What's summer without a little sexual harassment for the interns? [Opinionistas]
• You know how the kids from MTV's reality show Laguna Beach are kinda, like, bitchy? More on that right here, from Lo's photo album. [SexyBiatch101]
• When isn't preference given to gay couples or Paris Hilton? [Craigslist]
• Planning ahead in the age of terror. [YouBlewMeUpYouBastard]
• More on the Dove ads: We love how it's SHOCKING to NOT use emaciated models. More reactions, please, we're so into this. [VV]

Yeah, blame the baby.

So first there was a terrible, horrible new strain of HIV a few months ago that was supposed to make life seem like 1980s again for New York's gays.

A reader sends in the following email, which should be filed under Classic Plausible Rumors that, frankly, we really don't want to die:

You know he dug up that baby all by himself.