[Legend of stage and screen Bette Midler with "Gossip Girl" actress Blake Lively at the Michael Kors Fashion Week show; image via Getty] CodePink's new line beats the original, "And Right Over There Is Where I Boffed Norman Mailer in 1972. He Was a Writer, Dear."

[Actress Natalie Portman at the Rodarte show for Fashion Week today; image via Getty] TedSez's new line beats the original, "Oh This Old Face?"

[Tinsley Mortimer, socialite and handbag designer, added: "I am scared of the ghost because I think it wants to steal my hats. I put ghost pellets in a little trail leading out of my closet and into the hallway so it will eat them and follow them out of my room. Guadalupe says the ghost pellets are just Goldfish Crackers but I don't believe her." She then tumbled down some stairs and lay there for hours, purring and clucking like her favorite made-up animal, the "Kittychicken." This was at Fashion Week today; image via Getty. Oh, also, this horrible thing exists.]

["Vogue" editor Anna Wintour at the Carolina Herrera Fashion Week show today; image via Getty] Miss-Pringle's new line beats the original, Having Stood Knee-Deep In Human Blood All Morning, Fashion Editor's Beige Skirt Is Tragically Ruined.

[Bulgarian women compete in the group rhythmic gymnastics at the China High School Leage All-County Finals, to be followed directly after by the the church fair and auction; image via Getty]

The pitter-patter of little feet is getting kind of annoying today at Defamer HQ, where news of not one, not two, not three, but four celebrity pregnancies and/or births have us hand-delivering sex-ed pamphlets to front desks everywhere from CAA to ICM. Even in this uncertain era of creative gas-rationing and looming SAG strikes, Hollywood seed is flying, and nowhere is it landing more conspicuously than in the always-competitive sphere comprising Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner; just when Damon and wife Luciana had welcomed Gia Zavala Damon into the cruel, cruel world, Garner confirmed her pregnancy with her and Affleck's own second child. Then, as the rivals regrouped to plot their escalation, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale went and blobbed at Cedars-Sinai:

[Michael Phelps, inventor of the Olympics and water; getting another medal today/yesterday/so hard to tell; image via Getty] Tammany_Fall's new line beats the original, Spotting a Gold Candy Wrapper in the Stands, Precious Metal-Encrusted Athlete Hatches a Plan.

You're nobody in this town until you've been ripped off, and even then you're just a little more bitter nobody until an actual, attributable success comes along. According to a profile today in indieWIRE, director Alex Holdridge can finally lay claim to both stages in his accelerating career arc: His funny, lyrical LA romance In Search of a Midnight Kiss opens theatrically tomorrow in New York (Aug. 22 in Los Angeles), several years after a less-auspicious development left him burned at the Sony gates. Not long after his micro-budget debut Wrong Numbers hit at the 2001 South by Southwest film festival, Holdridge said he had fielded calls from every major studio looking to adapt his comedy about "unruly teens trying to buy beer for a party on their last night of high school" for Hollywood. Sony eventually hired him to write the script on spec, which apparently took a couple years too many for the studio's taste, as Holdridge discovered when he heard about a new Sony project called Superbad:

Only three years ago, Blake Lively was just That Blonde Girl from The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants, and America Ferrera was just the Token Dorky Sidekick. Alexis Bledel and Amber Tamblyn, on the other hand, were bonafide TV stars. My, how things have changed. With the film's sequel debuting next month, we take a look at how each of the leading ladies has done career-wise since the original racked up nearly $40MM at the box office in 2005. While there’s a bit of bad news for the original's biggest stars, there’s an alternate way of looking at this role reversal: any actress’ status as the perennial “buddy” can obviously change with one little show that could.Blake Lively/Bridget: With only one credit behind her before the first Pants, 1998’s Sandman, Lively got her big break as Bridget the jock. Even though no one knew who she was at the time, she built her buzz by appearing in a few cheesy movies like the Justin Long vehicle Accepted. But now, thanks to Gossip Girl and its sultry appeal (ratings be damned!), Lively is arguably the boldest name on the sequel’s marquee. America Ferrera/Carmen: Cast as the not-so-pretty one who most magically fit into the same jans all four girls kept handing off, America is obviously the biggest success story when it comes to acting cred (an Emmy), ratings (Ugly Betty), and general public appeal (we don’t even want to think about counting how many magazine covers with the hed “America The Beautiful!” she’s appeared on in the last two years). Amber Tamblyn/Tibby: Having blown away TV critics as the lead in Joan of Arcadia the same year Pants came out (and racking up Golden Globe and Emmy noms along the way), Tamblyn was a shiny bright new fixture on the circuit. But the only notable film Tamblyn has appeared in since? The Grudge 2. Oops. The only reason we can think of for Amber’s dimming star? Michelle Trachtenberg. Sort of the more telegenic, tabloid-friendly version of Tamblyn, with all sorts of Pete Wentz/Ashlee Simpson sloppiness to keep the kids entertained. Alexis Bledel/Lena: Pants came out at the height of Gilmore Girls’ gooey success, just before new writers took over and turned the show into an even faster-paced linguistic mess of confusion. And Bledel was the biggest draw among all four, cast as the “pretty” one with the heftiest romantic plotline and most cinematic backdrop (finding love in Greece). But the only upcoming flick on Bledel’s radar at the moment — aside from Pants 2 — is a comedy with Michael Keaton (which would've been a great gig in the late 80s, but today? Not so much). And the last time we saw her out and about was at the 2006 fashion shows alongside then-boyfriend Milo Ventimiglia — while Milo’s struck gold in Heroes, Alexis has yet to find a similarly cozy rebound gig. [Photo credits: Getty]

WHEREAS, the Star Wars franchise comprises six films about the legend of Anakin Skywalker, his son Luke, a bunch of puppets and their exploits with the Force, and WHEREAS, said franchise is the most lucrative in the history of cinema, having generated nearly $4.3 billion at the box office alone, and WHEREAS, the creator of said franchise, George Lucas, has established additionally lucrative revenue streams from Star Wars licensing, animated series and his post-production empire at Skywalker Ranch, and WHEREAS, recent news reports reveal that Lucas plans to re-release said franchise theatrically in 3-D, and WHEREAS, the terrible second half of the franchise already capitalized on the celebrated phenomenon of the first half, andWHEREAS, said first half was previously exploited by Lucas's urge to re-release them with bad CGI and boring deleted scenes, and WHEREAS, said first half was further exploited by more home-video versions than anyone could count, and certainly more than anyone wanted to buy, and WHEREAS, a 3-D Star Wars re-release further cynically exploits a celebrated phenomenon that was just fine as it was, and WHEREAS, The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith will always suck no matter how many dimensions they're screened in, and WHEREAS, Lucas still does not yet have the technology to make his screenwriting multi-dimensional, WHEREAS, the conversion process will likely cost Lucas at least $15 million per film, with another $30 million of marketing on top of that, and WHEREAS, we are tired of spending money on George Lucas's old shit, and WHEREAS, we are tired of Lucas expecting us to spend money on his old shit, NOW, THEREFORE, LET IT BE RESOLVED BY DEFAMER: 1. George Lucas cease and desist in his threat to re-release any or all of the Star Wars franchise in 3-D, and 2. The Star Wars franchise shall be remanded to protective custody until Lucas is judged fit and modest enough to take care of it, and 3. Lucas serve a five-year probation during which the cash-mongering recycling of old properties is subject to a fine of $5 billion dollars and/or life in prison. RESOLUTION PASSED this 25th day of July, 2008. SIGNED, DEFAMER [Photo: Getty Images]

One of the most stirringly batshit films we've seen this year, Heidi Fleiss: The Would-Be Madam of Crystal debuts on HBO tonight after a successful premiere run at last month's Los Angeles Film Festival. We've tipped you previously to some of the harrowing dynamics herein: Ex-madam Heidi Fleiss nabs a land deal in Pahrump, Nev., where she'll attempt to make her comeback with an all-male brothel for women. Civic outrage, meth relapses and an inheritance of tropical birds conspire to scuttle her dream. Hilarity decidedly does not ensue.

In light of some breaking hair-related news involving future fugitive Katie Holmes, we must admit that we’ve underestimated the Scientology prisoner. As the Daily Mail reported over the weekend, Broadway’s least-alluring celebrity rookie recently chopped off even more of her already chin-grazing bob, and even dared to pull out those hair curlers in what could be the beginning move in a new strategy to finally flee the Knights of Hubbard. Though Kate’s "boyish" cut may backfire, it’s a clever plan nonetheless. Below, we provide five of the best examples of drastic 'do-caused catastrophes directly linked to highly publicized breakups, from Jennifer Aniston’s self-conscious bob that led to Brangelina, to Cameron Diaz’s unfortunate goth dye job that failed to inspire any future sex or love sounds from Justin Timberlake:

In a landmark decision for bodice rippers and the networks who love them, a trio of federal judges today threw out the FCC's $550,000 fine against CBS for the Super Bowl "wardrobe malfunction" that exposed Janet Jackson's right breast in 2004. The damning decision resulted in a miserable spoof by Justin Timberlake at last night's ESPY Awards and, worse yet for the FCC, essentially wiped out the upgraded decency standards implemented after the broadcast — at least for live shows, which required the judges to buy CBS's defense that the nip slip was an "accident."

Isn't it strange how that rare affliction of being mystically "unable" to gain weight only strikes female celebrities? It seems poor Megan Fox has that very woe to deal with atop her many other personal struggles, like pretending her engagement to one-earring trendmaker Brian Austin Green is still on, and trying ever so desperately to let a director (any director!) just film her nude already. But the newly "scrawny" Fox has reportedly been chastised about her skinny frame by Transformers 2 director Michael Bay, who has demanded that the busty Jolie successor put on 10 pounds or find a new gig. While Megan's resorted to stuffing herself with cake every night in bed, we might suggest the Anne Hathaway Quick Speed Diet: apparently breaking up with a grade A loser leads to dropping 28 pounds in no time!

The Daily Mail, that notorious rag that deconstructs celebrity faces and performs detailed analyses of every miniscule wrinkle, inflated pout, and sagging rump, has finally turned its eagle eyes towards Sarah Jessica Parker. And unlike fellow plastic surgery obsessed sites, the tab has gone beyond simply accusing the SATC behemoth of getting nips and tucks, choosing instead to focus on the famously anti-surgical enhancement star’s cute, albeit sizable, mole above her chin. You see, the British body part attack squad spotted a recent photo of SJP taken at last night's MLB All-Star Game and jumped to the thrilling conclusion that the actress has had her trademark imperfection — the one that inspired Rex Reed to spend an entire paragraph of his mean-spirited SATC review begging her to laser off — removed once and for all. But paired with Parker’s decade-long (sometimes downright bitchy) assault on peers who dare halt the aging process with needles and knives, the photo in question does little to convince us Sarah Jessica is guilty of anything more than having enough money to hire a proper makeup artist:

As many loyal Defamer readers must know by now, our favorite blind items tend to include three elements: closeted actors, drug-addicted actresses, and those rare but joyous items that include the quote “Do you want to fuck my wife?” And kudos to the NY Daily News for providing us with the gruesomely enjoyable trifecta all in one sordid little piece today:

When choosing between months of intensive studies spent hunched over a Torah preparing for your kiddushin (that's betrothal for you goyum, which are non-Jews for you...non-Jews), and becoming a big star, it seems Isla Fisher has decided to go with the latter. As the Daily Mail reports, the potential redheaded successor to Lucille Ball's slapstick throne has put off the conversion process in order to complete filming Confessions Of A Shopaholic. And fiance Sacha Baron Cohen's ultra-religious parents just don't see what all this movie stardom fuss is all about. The wedding date has reportedly been postponed, Cohen's gone back to making Israelis cry as Bruno, and the wee Cohen baby is presumably in the hands of the only au pair they could find who hasn't seen Borat. But Fisher isn't the first actress to undergo conversion to Judaism for a guy — from Liz Taylor to Connie Chung, a diverse handful of stars became Jews in the name of love, though not every shattered wine glass led to a happy ending...

Madonna's epic reputation as a racy, sexual icon who lives life with "no regrets" has encountered a few speed bumps in recent years. The transition from Material Girl to Earth Mother circa Ray Of Life in 1998 marked the most significant rupture to her free-wheeling Erotica-encapsulated days of drugs, sex, and whispered rock 'n roll, an "epiphany" she credited to Kabbalah. But after the ethereal schtick grew tired, the older but not necessarily wiser Madge launched a campaign to reclaim her It Girl Woman cred by slipping Christina and Britney some tongue, spreading her legs for Hard Candy, and using that handy Husband Emasculation method perfected by Katherine Heigl to resurrect her old identity as a shockworthy icon of sorts. And after hearing just what kind of "sordid" revelations await us in her estranged brother's tell-all memoir Life With My Sister Madonna, we don't think Madge's reps should even bother issuing a denial about Christopher Ciccone's book. Anecdotes about same-sex makeout sessions, drug parties with studio execs, and straight-edge Guy Ritchie's alleged "homophobic" tendencies, all of which actually add up to a convincing pro-Madonna campaign...

After sufficiently mourning the split between Justin Long and Drew Barrymore by giving our iBook a tearful embrace, we found ourselves facing a familiar Drew-inspired dilemma: figuring out who the serial dater extraordinaire will add to her illustrious list of ex-boyfriends next. Even before sort of settling down with the Strokes’ token hottie Fabrizio Moretti, Barrymore winked and giggled her way into the hearts of a wildly eccentric group of actors, musicians, comedians, sex tape vendors, drug addicts, directors and Firecrotch ranters. She’s aimed high (Leo), low (Feldman), and was an early member of the Lesbian Chic bandwagon. After the jump, we take a look at all her past paramours in order to narrow down our own suggested candidates for the next round.

When a girl's starting to doubt her sex appeal, after a foray into acting that has thus far earned her parts as a back brace-wearing nerd and the part of "Smoking Girl" in something called Whore, there is no better way to regain confidence and prove just how fine you are than nailing a gay actor (allegedly). And that's just the challenge Rumer Willis set up for herself during a recent night out. According to the NY Post, the rising starlet and failed auditonee of Lindsay Lohan's lesbian love lottery spotted boy band groupie Chace Crawford at a birthday party and tried every boy toy magnet trick she could think of in an extensively planned and bitterly fought campaign to pull off the rarely accomplished task of getting him to switch teams.