Bernard Madoff has told ABC News' Barbara Walters—in an interview on the occasion of his daughter's book—that he feels safer in prison than he has in 20 years.

Gay people just got the right to serve openly in the military and they're already causing drama. At least it's good drama this time. A bunch of married gay soldiers have sued the government claiming the Defense of Marriage Act violates the constitution because it blocks the military from acknowledging their unions.

Lindsay's 17-year-old sister has seen her "boobs, ass, and vag." Kim Kardashian's reality show literally tried to cast her husband. Jason Sudeikis is dating an Olsen, but which one? Thursday gossip is sisterly.

Early this morning, we conducted a brief interview with James Franco's ass. Hard-hitting stuff. But what do his other parts have to say? One commenter got the press release.

Bernard Madoff's wife Ruth has told 60 Minutes, in the only interview she's ever given since her life unraveled, that she and Bernie tried to kill themselves on Christmas Eve 2008.

The perpetually up-and-coming actress gets another shot at the big leagues. Also today: Showtime wisely renews their best show, Jennifer Coolidge gets grunt work, and MTV says goodbye to some friends.

More and more people are hating Facebook in increasingly effective ways, and for increasingly better reasons. Good times. Too bad it will probably do nothing to keep Facebook from transforming the internet into an unbearably bland prison-mall.

Many years ago when you were young, back in 2006, a wizened old man named John McCain made a joke that Congress' approval rating was so low, "we're down to paid staffers and blood relatives."

First Ashton Kutcher, then Leonardo DiCaprio, and now Bar Refaeli. The Israeli supermodel is helping to complete the tech industry's co-optation by pretty people now that she's taken a stake in an Israeli underwear e-tailer.

How much LiLo will we see in Playboy? "The holy trifecta," TMZ reports. "Boobs, ass, and vag" according to TMZ's Playboy source.

Rajat Gupta, a former director of Goldman Sachs, was arrested this morning on federal insider trading charges. He's reportedly accused of, among other things, tipping off convicted billionaire Raj Rajaratnam to Warren Buffett's $5 billion investment in Goldman Sachs in 2008.

Amy Winehouse's blood alcohol level was five times the legal driving limit when she died. Rob Pattinson wants Taylor Lautner's body. Lindsay Lohan's Playboy photoshoot "went well." Wednesday gossip alternates between sexy and sad.

Celebrity corpses everywhere are creaking with anticipation: Forbes' "Top-Earning Dead Celebrities" list is out!

Rupert Murdoch must have imagined Steve Jobs would be a feisty dinner guest. Even still, the News Corp. chairman couldn't have foreseen that, in one night at the mogul's Carmel, California ranch, Jobs would call his tech people incompetent, get a guy fired, and say that Fox News was literally destroying the world.

Netflix shares are down about 35 percent today after the online movie company warned of subscriber defections and mounting costs. This is getting sad.

Public transportation in New York is about to get even better and demonstrably worse all at the same time. While the TLC is cutting down on cabbies honking their horns, the MTA is ditching the trash cans in subway stops. Man, this is going to get messy.

Everyone has been waiting to see what the Scotland Yard's inquest into Amy Winehouse's death finds, and the Yard is finally done with writing the report. But—oops!—they mailed it to the wrong address by accident.

Is there is a relationship between Michele Bachmann's fingernails and her political significance? It seems that as Michele's popularity fluctuates, so too do the size and heft of her signature French tips. Come, let us embark on an exhaustive analysis of Michele Bachmann's cuticles, because, why not?

The long-awaited Meghan McCain dispatch from the front lines of Occupy Wall Street has arrived—and she supports their message! This is because she doesn't understand the mathematical concepts underlying "99%" and "1%."

Everyone's favorite fantasist has gone and made a stealth film. Also today: Melanie Griffith gets a new gig, so does Jenna Elfman, and E! embarks on a terrible new journey.