Wondering what to get the person who has everything? Why not one of these lovely calendars from dental supply company Practicon? Each month is accompanied by a photo of Practicon's dental mannequins, dressed up and having fun. It's heartwarming — and completely and utterly terrifying.

Last week, we asked you to embark with us on a leisurely paddleboat ride down the river Nostalgia to help choose the best gifts who people who not only lived through, but, remember the 90s. You delivered like DOMINO'S (in under 30 minutes or it's free—until that guarantee was dropped in the '90s because harried deliverymen kept getting into car accidents).

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions to caity.weaver@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

The New York Times' recent Helen Gurley Brown hagiography, "Helen Gurley Brown, As Others Saw Her," is a mostly uninspiring rundown of anecdotes about the recently deceased Cosmopolitan editor. But about halfway down, in a passage from Brown's former book editor, Michael Korda, things get good:

If you are a best friend or close friend or casual acquaintance of or do not really know Kanye West, chances are you are reading these words under the watchful gaze of a $34,000 gold skull statue recently given to you by Kanye West.

We asked you to share pictures of your worst Christmas presents, and boy did you guys deliver! There were the usual passive aggressive doozies of getting books about weight loss, but there were plenty that were even more thoughtless and more creative. Here are the best of the worst.

We know how it is on the morning of the 25th, when you tear into your packages, there is always at least one crushing disappointment. "How could someone buy this for me?!" Well, we're going to let you turn those awful presents into cash!

As Manhattan's holiday shopping frenzy approaches fever pitch, the fashionista blogosphere has noticed a disturbing trend: A giant line. Outside the UGG store.

Are there any more promising words in gossip journalism than "In Touch Weekly got a hold of"? At the bottom of the tabloid pecking order, the primary documents In Touch "gets a hold of" tend to be spectacularly bad. But baby, In Touch will work what it's got, and for that I salute it. Their latest exclusive (as summarized by a Hollyscoop video) is about world's youngest sulking starlet Suri Cruise:

We've already offered you a selection of highly annoying gift ideas for the parent you'd like to drive slowly insane, but now we up the ante every so slightly: Here is our guide to toys that will inflict actual injury upon children you absolutely can't stand, free from worry of prosecution. (Conversely, you may actually want to avoid these toys, many of which have been identified by consumer watch lists as the most dangerous of 2011.)

You love your dog. Far more than your emotionally distant heart could ever love a human. And why not? Your dog never did anything but express an evolutionarily advantageous convincing simulacrum of love for you. You must show your love back. You must! But what to get Nibbles and Rocky this holiday season? Only the best.

Yesterday we showed you the kinds of gifts to buy people you hate. Today let's look at the gifts you get from people that you hate. It's a big difference, but if you buy one of these types of gifts, the hatred is justified.

Let's not allow the pepper-spray clouds, bullet showers, and mounds of bloody Brawny towels to obscure our view of the hard-working cashiers, stockers, and other retail workers who staffed the stores and enabled Black Friday to happen. How did they fare yesterday?

The Clare Boothe Luce Institute has released the 2012 edition of its annual Great American Conservative Women calendar, featuring most of the biggest names in conservative lady-dom! Now you have the perfect gift to give friends and family this Halloween.

Track Palin and Britta Hanson, Sarah Palin's eldest son and his wife, are doing exactly what the Bible says you should do: They're being fruitful and multiplying. They're also doing something the Bible doesn't really make much mention of: They're registering at Target!

The lesser two of the parents holidays (let's be serious) befalls the nation once more today, and given that it's Father's Day, not Mother's Day, that we're talking about here, you probably haven't gotten a gift yet. Which you should do! But be careful. Certain gifts say certain things you might not be aware of.

Tech overenthusiast Robert Scoble knows which toy will be hot with geeks this holiday season: robotic balls you control with your iPhone. They're surprisingly hypnotic!

Just in case you forgot: Mother's Day is today! Alert, alert! You have just hours to scramble and get her something nice and thoughtful. But be careful what you get. Different gifts say different things about you.

This press release can't be real, can it? Now circulating on PRNewser, the Hairpin, and Mom-101: A PR email urging daughters to give their mothers moist vaginas for Mother's Day.

Someone sent America's most Muslim-hating congressman, Rep. Peter King (R - N.Y.), a package containing a bloody pig's foot—accompanied by an anti-Semitic note exhorting King to "Kiss my black Muslim ass." Time to find the congressional gift declaration form!