Today at Gawker.TV, Jon Stewart has ideas for fighting unemployment, America's Got Talent comedian bombs-yet-survives by insulting the audience, Gordon Ramsay kicks off a Hell's Kitchen contestant, and Chris Rock calls Jay Leno a "bad, bad man" to his face.

For the second time in Hell's Kitchen history, a cook left in the middle of service. However, since Andrew's a bit off his rocker to begin with, it's probably better that he didn't work in a room full of knives.

Want to know how to make a deliciously entertaining TV show? Here's a recipe for one that's taken from the season premiere of Hell's Kitchen on FOX:

Everybody knows Gordon Ramsay is a perfectionist, but in these three restaurants your gag reflexes will be challenged. The only thing worse than seeing all the top three disgusting kitchens is knowing they are all located in one state: NY.

Gordon Ramsay is a notorious neat freak on Kitchen Nightmares . Upon discovering platefuls of dust all around the food, Ramsay decided to invite some diners behind the scenes to ask, "Are you interested in being served dinner with filth?"

Today at Gawker.TV, Channing Tatum explains how he burned his penis, Gordon Ramsay fights with his contestants, Marky Mark's ab workout, Bruce Jenner has a laugh at Fox News' fact-checking, and Jon Stewart re-imagines a Jewish Scooby Doo.

When someone thinks of New Jersey, upscale tiki restaurant shouldn't spring to mind. And when a narrow-minded witch of an owner abuses her staff and serves filet mignon on roof tiles, it's time for Gordon Ramsay to step in.

Tonight, ABC aired Oprah's special, Christmas at the White House, in which the Queen of Daytime visited the Obamas and toured the decked out residence. And aside from baby talk and a Michelle shut down, it was so, so boring.

• Olana on lower Madison Avenue is the latest restaurant to go bust. [Crain's]
• The UES fixture Gino's is still open, it may not be for much longer. [NYT]
• Café Habana's lawyer fired back today at the four ex-employees suing the restaurant. But now two other former servers are voicing similar complaints.
• Your dreams have been answered: The new Chelsea club Amnesia, which opened its doors last night, is "a little bit of Jersey Shore in Manhattan." [GS]
• Rao's is impossible to get into. It's also overrated, just as you suspected.
• Gordon Ramsay's restaurant empire almost went under this year. Now he says he plans to focus more on TV than food in the future. [Bloomberg]
• The State Liquor Authority is dealing with another bribery case. [NYP]
• How much goes Kim Kardashian get to appear at a club? $40K. [Eater]

You wouldn't know it by his calm, collected demeanor, but Gordon "You Donkey" Ramsay's restaurant empire is still facing significant financial troubles. We have a surefire plan to get you back on track, You Donkey!

Ethan Hawke turns 39 today. Mike Nichols, the film director and husband of Diane Sawyer, is turning 78. Gossip Girl's Kelly Rutherford is 41. The First Lady of California, Maria Shriver, is 54. Sally Field is turning 62. Writer Michael Cunningham is 57. Rebecca Romijn (formerly Rebecca Romijn-Stamos) turns 37 today. Thandie Newton is turning 37. Taryn Manning is 31. Actress Emma Stone is 21. TV host Catherine Crier is turning 55. Former Manhattan Borough President Ruth Messinger is turning 69. Joe Wilson, the former diplomat and husband of Valerie Plame, is 60 And Lamar Odom, the NBA star and poor soul now married to Khloe Kardashian, is 30. A few weekend birthdays after the jump.

• The cuts continue at Time Inc. Fortune Small Business was shuttered today. And as many as 500 employees may lose their jobs when all is said and done. Meanwhile, parent company Time Warner reported a drop in revenues and earnings in the third quarter, as expected. [NYT, WWD, AdAge, NYP]
• Profits were up at News Corp. thanks to its film, cable, and book units. [BN]
• The publisher of Marie Claire has jumped over to Vogue. [NYO]
• Fox News came out on top in the ratings with its election night coverage. CNN performed miserably, dropping down to fourth place. [NYT, Politico]
• WNET is giving employees off between Christmas and New Year's. It's not to be nice; it's designed to cut costs since the days off are unpaid. [Crain's]
• A theory as to why Tom McGeveran quit the Observer. [Daily Intel]
• Highlights from last weekend's Tribeca Film Festival, Doha edition. [Vulture]

DJ AM took OxyContin the night he died. Spencer Pratt takes his absurdity to new levels. And Kate Hudson wants to take over A-Rod's apartment. All that and more in your Wednesday Gossip Roundup!

Lindsay Lohan's house may have been broken into, live! Katie Holmes inspired creepy Scientology fashion lines. Charles Dickens was a ladies' man's momma's boy. Jeremy Piven: alive. Bill Clinton: bedbugged. Anna Paquin: nekkid. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

• The hot dog vendor in front of the Metropolitan Museum has been given the boot. Why, you ask? Shockingly, it seems he's been having some trouble coming up with the $53,558 he has to pay the city in rent each month. [NYDN]
• A roundup of restaurants that just opened, or will be open this week. [TONY]
• Frederick's Downtown closed last week; now Frederick Lesort's Eurotrashy Madison Avenue location has suffered the same fate, alas. [Eater]
• A former assistant to Tavern on the Green owner Jennifer LeRoy claims she was fired from the restaurant after she revealed she was pregnant. [NYP]
• The Wicked Wolf on First Avenue is closing to make way for a second 2nd Avenue Deli, which, once again, won't be on Second Ave. [Eater]
• Want to start your own food truck? It's not as easy as it looks. [GS]
• A few months ago, Gordon Ramsay's food empire was teetering on the brink of bankruptcy; now he reports he's in expansion mode once again. [WSJ]
• The favorite burger chain of leading chefs? In-N-Out, by a landslide. [GS]

Gordon Ramsay is famous for three things: Cooking, cussing, and overseeing a rapidly declining restaurant empire. But fame conquers all! Gordon can be the Donald Trump of food. It's okay.

• Danny Meyer has tapped Gramercy Tavern's executive sous-chef, Nick Anderer, to run things at his new restaurant at the Gramercy Park Hotel. [GS]
• A roundup of restaurants already open or will be soon. [Eater]
• Greenpeace staged a demonstration inside Nobu on Saturday night. [NYT]
• More bad news for Giuseppe Cipriani: His Moscow expansion is a no-go. [P6]
• Pete Wentz's Angels & Kings was shuttered for serving minors. [Gawker]
• Frank Bruni isn't too impressed with the Obamas decision to eat at Blue Hill during their weekend jaunt to NYC: "In the very predictability of this choice, in its all-too-neat squaring with the officially sanctioned food agenda, in its absence of surprise or abandon, isn't it ever so slightly disappointing?" [NYT]

The most cathartic part of our week is here. We have to read all the awful unapproved comments all week. You don't. Well, you didn't. Now you have to read some of the worst:

• The James Beard Foundation announced the final nominees for its 2009 awards today. The names in the mix for New York's "best chef": Michael Anthony, Terrance Brennan, Wylie Dufresne, Gabrielle Hamilton, and Gabriel Kreuther. The two New Yorkers competing for the "outstanding restaurateur" award: Keith McNally and Drew Nieporent. [JBF]
• JGV and partner Phil Suarez plan to open 10 restaurants in 2009. [Fortune]
• Tonda is planning to open in the former E.U. space tomorrow. [GS]
• Rumor has it Katie Lee Joel is getting into the restaurant business. The spot will be called "Logan County" and will be located in the financial district. [TFB]
• As for Padma Lakshmi, she's branching out into comedy, apparently. [GS]
• It looks like restaurant publicist (and regular Iron Chef judge) Karine Bakhoum is working on a reality show. [TONY]
• Another season of Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares is on tap. [THR]

• Sneakers at Bouley? Not acceptable. You can wear them to Per Se, though, provided you also bring along a doctor's note. [TONY]
• A list of 75 outdoor cafés that have opened, in case you're feelin' brave. [GS]
• The Times would like to remind you that people are still spending big bucks to hit up brunch at Bagatelle and Merkato 55, recession or not. [NYT]
• Braeburn gets a middling, one-star review of in this week's New York. [NYM]
• A fire did serious damage to Coney Island's famed Totonno's pizzeria over the weekend, but the owners say they plan to reopen in six weeks or so. [NY1]
• Speaking of pizza, the highly-anticipated Kesté opens next week. [GS]
• Looking to open a restaurant? Cool! Here are some availabilities. [Eater]
• More trouble for Gordon Ramsay: A week after selling his LA eatery, he's been forced to sell off flagship in Paris because of the credit crunch. [NYP]
• Eric Ripert will tack one more honor to his resume tonight when he's awarded the Legion d'Honneur, France's highest award, at the French Consulate. [TFB]