I know you were worried she'd leave, but it looks as though Katie Holmes might be staying here in New York for good. And she's keeping Tom with her.

Everyone is out to spite everyone: Jay Leno ruined 90 minutes of Conan O'Brien's life; Lindsay Lohan is refusing to eat and John McCain isn't letting his wife go on that fun TV program.

Everyone is trying calm down before the weekend. Courtenay Semel totally made up for setting Casey Johnson's head on fire. Madonna tried to not be a demanding, terrible ball-buster constantly.

Patrick Swayze is battling a reportedly rapidly-advancing disease beyond his control while young heiresses Courtenay Semel is viciously fighting with her heiress ex for no real reason whatsoever.

New Year, new jobs: Tom Cruise has assigned Katie Holmes reproductive duties, Alec Baldwin's famous voice finally got him his dream job and Lauryn Hill is testing new mounts.

It's true! The Yankees player Alex Rodriguez, who like teammate Derek Jeter sucks very much, was seen canoodling with actress Kate Hudson at an underground Manhattan fish restaurant.

Was it a violin string snapping? The long, low moan of a siren? What was it—what sound, what feeling—that told us that Katie Holmes was leaving New York?

The War of the Roses continues, with pop sanger Britney Spears asking her two sons, Harmony Korine and Palookaville, to file weekly spy reports about her ex, Ferret Chancellor Kevin Federline.

Sean Penn could woo Lindsay Lohan with an Oscar invite and Graydon Carter can woo a Waverly Inn neighbor with a spot in Vanity Fair and museums can. Seduction is everywhere.

Producers may be able to use the SECRET results of a second doctor's exam against "mercury" poisoned Jeremy Piven. Also, Oprah is maybe having a SECRET party.

It regrettable quote day! Josh Broslin called Russell Crowe an "asshole;" Lily Allen defended cocaine; Sumner Redstone bragged about sex and 30 Rock's Rip Torn insisted the ground was drunk, not him.

The holidays apparently sucked for romance, because many people are breaking up, including no-longer-engaged Jennifer Love Hewitt, fresh-minted divorcee Patricia Arquette and maybe perpetually platonic A-Rod.

The forever-scorned actress, always crying because of horrible men, doesn't like them that much anyway. "Men come and go but there really is no relationship like the one you have with a dog," she says.

Yes the holiest of unions has been sanctioned. 31-year-old Bryan has married Graciella Sanchez, lil' preggers Jamie Lynn's manager. If we lived in California we'd probably say "fuck you." [Us]

Dedication: Jeremy Piven may have met his girlfriend through a cattle call, but she's sticking by him during the "mercury" poisoning. Marc Jacobs' man isn't going anywhere either.

Tom Cruise bought a special car to ward off anti-Scientology protesters and other agents of Xenu; Britney Spears can ward off the blues with the sari from her new boyfriend.

Incredible resources were deployed to figure out if Tom Brady is marrying Gisele Bundchen and to get Condé Nast's Chuck Townsend wherever the hell he wants to go, in style.

It wouldn't be Christmas Eve without fighting: Alec Baldwin supposedly slammed Tina Fey's body; Paris Hilton's uncle got attacked and robbed in his home and Nicole Kidman was haunted by Katie Holmes.

Tom Cruise will invite you into his home if you do something nice for him; Paris Hilton knows who snuck into her home without permission; and Jennifer Lopez got nervous whenever Mark Anthony left home.

Be not ashamed! Madonna gleefully hooked up with Jesus in Brazil; Bruce Springsteen doesn't apologize for buying luxury goods and Mary-Kate Olsen is downright excited by the financial panic.