The push to properly recognize Rosie O'Donnell's groundbreaking work in Riding The Bus With My Sister, a Hallmark-sponsored training film about proper bus-pass utilization for the nation's differently-abled (but surprisingly fashion-forward) commuters, has leapt from the dead-tree edition of Variety to its website (you may have to reload the page to see it). Unfortunately, the banner ad fails to fully embrace the interactive and multimedia possibility of the interweb; clicking it sends you to a static page about the movie, rather than something more involving, like a Flash game in which you try to assist Rosie in quickly selecting a pair of mismatched sneakers while the bus driver impatiently honks his horn outside.

This headline hangs above a Rush & Molloy story about how Max Baer Jr. has accused director Ron Howard of playing fast and loose with the facts about Baer's boxer father in Cinderella Man. Poppycock! Has Jethro never seen A Beautiful Mind, the most stunningly accurate depiction of mental illness ever committed to film, which finally taught the world that schizophrenics go through life accompanied by a gang of adorable imaginary friends? Howard's record in such matters is unimpeachable.

· From whitestripes.com, Jack White's "wedding announcement": "Karen Elson and Jack White were married yesterday on the confluence of three rivers — the Rio Negro, the Solimones and the Amazon — in the Amazon basin in the city of Manaus, Brazil. They were married by a traditional shaman priest on a canoe at the exact point where the three rivers meet...This was the first marriage for both newlyweds." Oh, yes, this seems like it's all on the up-and-up. (New album drops Tuesday!)
· “What I felt from ‘Cinderella Man’ is realizing that getting punched in the head is stupid.” However, Crowe still considers nipple-biting during a nice punch-up "kind of great."
· Denise Richards gives birth to her second daughter with soon-to-be-ex Charlie Sheen present in the delivery room. Sheen's twenty-member hooker team was made to wait in the hospital lobby during the childbirth.
· Cameron Diaz sics her lawyers on the Enquirer. for insinuating that she knows what her Trippin' producer's tongue tastes like.

Dave Chappelle quietly returned to town, then not-so-quietly dropped in at the Hollywood Improv last night for a surprise appearance at the CollegeHumor.com show:

Your guesses are in! Do another lap around One Poor-Me Blind Vice before moving on:

Look, this is going to get a little disgusting, so if you've had a history of heart problems, you should probably scroll down to the next item.

Now that director Matthew "Is my career over before it really began?" Vaughn has vacated the X3 director's chair, AICN's "Drew McWeeney" Moriarity reports that Fox might be dropping a distressingly hacky bomb in the very near future:

Wherein we invite our readers to plunge their eager hands into the wet, blind item clay provided by humpy E! gossip community college ceramics instructor Ted Casablanca and fashion a crude vase revealing the item's secret celebrity identity. Feel the burn of One Poor-Me Blind Vice:

Predictably, Dave Chappelle's mysterious disappearance from his Chappelle Show duties for some highly-publicized "chill-out time" in South Africa has led to huge DVD sales for said indefinitely delayed hit show:

It's been nearly two days since Lindsay Lohan's ride was rather rudely de-pimped by a crash-happy paparazzo; the incident's all over but the jail time and the lawyers' public positioning for the inevitable lawsuit:

How much damage has Tom Cruise's recent publicity rampage (the infamous Oprah "love" conniption, the Access Hollywood special, et al) done to his career and/or the ostensible reason that he undertook said publicity rampage, War of the Worlds? Enough damage that the NY Times is now speculating about the repercussions. It seems that even DreamWorks and Paramount are trying to hold down the flailing action star and strap on a muzzle before further harm is done to their blockbuster:

· ; Four out of five Scores strippers agree: Christian Slater's a gentleman! "'It's difficult for some men to remain calm when I take off my gown and reveal my 36Ds,' Scores stripper Logan confided to PAGE SIX, 'but Christian always remains cool — he has never attempted to touch me inappropriately.'" Also: Gawker retraces Slater's pre-ass-grabbing steps.
· Paris and Paris might not have a Kabbalah wedding (shocker!), but we're sure they'll still be plenty of trendy assholes who think they're immortal to go around.
· The MPAA does what it can to help the LAPD usher in the Big Brother state. [via Cinemocracy]
· No one could've seen this coming: Judge Issues Warrant for Bobby Brown

Only Defamer's forensic photo lab can provide the kind of cutting-edge, highly-technologizified analysis that we've applied to a digital photograph of Lindsay Lohan's unexpected tête-à-tête with an overzealous paparazzo last night. Lohan remained safely inside her vehicle, while the poor car experienced the kind of damage the starlet usually inflicts on any bitch crazy enough to ask why she's cutting the bathroom line at Spider Club.

TVGasm proudly displays the obviously-contractually-obligated- but-you've-gotta-be-fucking-kidding-me For Your Consideration ad in today's Variety touting Rosie O'Donnell's, er, special turn in Riding the Bus With My Sister. Will the screeners arrive in ill-fitting overalls and mismatched sneakers? One can only hope they will.

A tipster on the Paramount lot writes in to tell us that Mission: Impossible 3 seems somewhat less ripe for cancellation than the recent item on the Huffington Post indicated:

In an effort to focus on their upcoming movie and diffuse some of the tabloid heat generated by their recent African sex safari and Moroccan sex-bazaar quickies, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's handlers have booked them in separate hotels (such is the power of their sexual attraction that Pitt would drill a glory-hole in the wall with his genitals if they were housed in adjoining rooms) during a New York jaunt for some TV appearances. And just so everyone knows their people aren't fucking around about playing coy with the couple's relationship, Pitt's publicist broke the glass on her Emergency Flack Kit :

Last night, Lindsay "The Incredible Shrinking Starlet" Lohan was involved in an accident that didn't involve a Spider Club patron spilling a vodkatini on her shoes and being grievously lacerated in retaliation by one of the actress's jutting ribs, when an overeager paparazzo smashed his vehicle into the Lohanmobile by the Beverly Center. The AP has a blurb about the tragedy this morning, but a Defamer operative checked in with a report moments after the incident unfolded last night (what, you thought we were going to blog after quittin' time without a fatality?):

· At the KROQ Weenie Roast, comedian Brody Stevens catches Pat O'Brien—listening to music and putting on a sweater!
· If you bonged your way through this television season's final episodes, SMRT-TV's got your short-term memory's back with their handy chart of cliffhangers. Hold on, someone died on Desperate Housewives? That must've been awesome.
· Brooke Shields to Tom Cruise: I don't come down to your job and slap the e-meter out of your mouth, so why you gotta hate? Also: Someone we've never heard of uses her "female intuition" to surmise that some "very damaging information" about Cruise might be surfacing soon.
· ABC expects to sell over $2 billion in upfront ads; NBC's Jeff Zucker will reveal tomorrow that he traded 30 seconds of commercial time during Joey for a handjob that was like "pulling weeds."

The Truth in Cosmetic Surgery Blog, run by a Real Plastic Surgeon, may help put an end to one of the internet's favorite party games: speculating about the vacillations in Lindsay Lohan's bra size:

Our Huffington Post bookmark has atrophied beyond repair over the last couple of weeks, but a reader with a higher tolerance than ours for Arianna Huffington's online cocktail party points out this Cruise-related HuffPo exclusive from last night: