We are so, so sorry to have kept you waiting an entire, interminable weekend for the results of last week s blind item guessing game — alas, our server crapped its pants yet again, leaving us with no means of relaying this important communication in a timely matter. Our Hungarian tech serfs will be properly beaten for this egregious misstep.

Still trying to make up your mind on who deserves your Hot Gossips vote? Here come the testimonials.

• Paris Latsis, the man who dares to make an honest woman out of his fiancée Paris Hilton, has yet to even discuss marriage with his father, who claims that it's going to be a long, long time before there's any walking down the aisle. Thank God. [Page Six]
• You knew the Michael Jackson trial was a spectacular waste of time, but the alleged juror behavior is beyond anything you imagined. One juror even communicated with Jackson's mother during the trial — but we're sure they weren't talking about anything related to the case, right? [NYDN]
• Is socialite spawn Jamie Johnson wronging his girlfriend, the Observer's Jessica Joffe? And, if so, why would he do so with Lydia Hearst? [R&M (last item)]
• Gay porn catfight! [Page Six]
• Roger Friedman embraces gay porn in his own weird way, sloppily fellating director Robert Altman. [Fox411]

In case you missed it at the end of the day yesterday (finding pictures always ends up taking a lot longer than it should), the polls are open in our current Gawker Hotties competition: New York's Hot Gossips.

Our apologies for depriving you of your God-given right to blind items; we'll never break your heart again. Give us a hug and feast on the following:

At long last, here's this week's Hotties competition: New York's Hot Gossips.

After the apocalypse, the only surviving pictures of Aniston were from one public appearance.

We know we're running late. But really, with God as our witness, cross our heart, all that: Hot Gossips finalists will be out this afternoon.

Remember last week when were too incompetent to find photos of some of our Women of Conde Nast finalists? Well, we suck no less now than we did then, and so, naturally, we're once again coming up short.

• Us Weekly reports that young Maddox Jolie is referring to his mommy's boy toy Brad Pitt as "Daddy," prompting Jennifer Aniston to bravely cry on cue for a whole new slew of magazine reporters. [Page Six]
• Teenadonna Lindsay Lohan may be allowed to videotape testimony for her parents' divorce trial. How long, then, until said tape gets leaked on the internet? [NYDN]
• Tom Cruise's first wife, Mimi Rogers, gets pissy when the British press ask her about Cruise's insta-romance with Katie Holmes. As if they were interviewing Rogers for any other reason. [Scoop]
• Jacko's lawyer says they're close to reaching a child custody settlement with the mother of his children, Debbie Rowe. Rowe's lawyer, at hearing this, asserts that no such thing is in the works. We're still not sure why Jackson's allowed to have children in the first place, nevermind fight for them in court. [R&M]

• More on Jude Law and Sienna Miller: Okay, maybe she's 9 weeks into her first trimester, which is more preggers than we thought (although a Gawker reader who saw her on stage the other night reported that the actress looked rather skeletal). Also, Sienna believes Jude is a sex addict, which would explain why he can't stop porking anything with an orifice. [R&M]
• The US version of OK! magazine (hitting stands tomorrow, we believe) gets the first Michael Jackson post-trial, incredibly fluffy interview. Jackson was reportedly paid $2 million to sit down with the celebrity rag and got full approval over the article — so you know it'll still be perverted. [Page Six]
• If Lindsay Lohan is subpoenaed in her parents' ugly divorce trial, will she arrive to court late and too "sick" to testify? [NYDN]
• Pity the publisher who doesn't snap up David Gest's memoir of being beaten by ex-wife Liza Minnelli. That thing will be instant gold, we guarantee it. [Scoop]

The clock is running out on the nominations period for our Hot Gossips Gawker Hotties competition. So if you've got any favorites, take this last chance to send them in.

Just a quick reminder that we'll be accepting nominations in this week's Gawker Hotties contest until noon tomorrow.

• Paris Hilton's new "film" Pledge This is magically scheduled to debut on the same day as her ex-best friend's cinematic venture, Kids in America. Ohmigod, Paris, why do you have to be such a bitch?! [Page Six]
• Tom Cruise apparently can't stand being single, which is why he jumped into an engagement with Katie Holmes. Shame on you for thinking it had something to do with Scientology or repressed homosexuality; turns out, Tom's just lonely! [Scoop]
• When she thinks of Angelina Jolie carrying Brad Pitt's child (which, to our knowledge, she isn't), Jennifer Aniston weeps as the PR Life Cycle© continues to shine in her direction. [R&M]
• Sienna Miller rebounds from her breakup with cheating ballerina Jude Law by scoring the Edie Sedgwick role in Factory Girl after Katie Holmes drops out. She has both Scientology and the tabloids to thank for that one. [Page Six]

To whatever extent this statement isn't a total oxymoron, we've thus far walked the high road in our Gawker Hotties competitions. We first considered the dignified First Amendment crusaders at The New York Times. Next came the fully rectitudinous shiksa goddesses of Conde Nast. Now, though, we're crawling back to the gutter — where, frankly, we're most comfortable — to name New York City's gossip-writing hotties.

• Start piling the sandbags and boarding up the liquor cabinet: Lindsay Lohan is renting in Sagaponack for the month of August! Finally, a little danger in the Hamptons. [Page Six]
• Cindy Adams delves into the delicious rumor that the marriage of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson is already over and a facade is being maintained simply for the sake of their crappy MTV show. She also claims we heard it from her first, which is true if you exclude the 75 other rumor-mongers and forwarded emails preceding Adams' "scoop." [Cindy Adams]
• Katie Couric would like you to know that she is not a pi ata, nor is she filled with candy. Fine, so we won't beat her — but this really doesn't stop any verbal assaults. [R&M]
• If Scientology decides to muzzle Tom Cruise, maybe we'll reevaluate our position on things. Cults aren't all bad, you know. [Scoop]
• Nicole Kidman's mother is a loveless wench, but Nicole still loves her. Or something, whatever. [Gatecrasher]

If you're anything like us, you've only been paying attention to whether or not Demi Moore is pregnant when the celebrity weeklies tell you to. Right now, most stalkerazzi diaries are telling us to pay attention to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's quest to build an exotic, sexualized Brady Bunch, but for some time American Media Inc.'s Star was hell-bent on convincing the world that Moore was carrying Ashton Kutcher's seed. Now, the latest issue of AMI's National Enquirer is reporting that Moore suffered a miscarriage. Demi herself, on the other hand, says that all of the above are completely fabricated and untrue: No pregnancy, no miscarriage. But since when do we listen to what the actual celebs have to say?

• At the after-party for the premiere of Broken Flowers, star Bill Murray jumped over a table and chased down an Interview photographer for taking his picture. Sadly, the party was sponsored by that very magazine, but you try telling that to a crazy man. [R&M]
• Apparently, Murray's mood was not aided by Mercedes, which sent out luxury cars to chauffeur certain luminaries to the event. While Bill Murray and Jim Jarmusch were carted about in a Maybach 62, poor Sofia Coppola and Taye Diggs were forced to ride in a ghetto Mercedes R-class. Bill Murray hates this sort of injustice, we're sure. [Page Six]
• Johnny Knoxville stays true to form, kicking the ass of some striped button-down wearing frat boy who wouldn't leave Kate Moss alone at a Soho bar. Such a gent, defending the honor of his former mistress. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• OMG, Roger Friedman is still writing about Michael Jackson. The mind boggles. [Fox411]

R&B trio Destiny's Child, making the requisite publicity rounds during their farewell tour, stopped by the Today show for a quickie concert at Rockefeller and a requisite ass-kissing from Matt Lauer. Lauer expressed what a pleasure it's been to see the ladies "grow" through all these years and, if he weren't so laughably earnest, we'd think he were coping with some early morning lust.

Today's Boldface Names column spends some quality time with our favorite homoerotic trainwreck, comedian Andy Dick, who seemingly has taken to standing upright and speaking in complete sentences: