North Korea has said that it would like to work together with the United States to prove that it had nothing to do with the Sony hacks while also threatening the United States if it refuses to cooperate with this very sincere and real invitation.

Today in the opinion section of the world's most influential newspaper, Frank Bruni writes about his family's Thanksgiving food, and Thomas Friedman writes about "news drumsticks to chew on," including the fact that Stevie Wonder recently won an award. Please try harder.

Richard Cohen is a dotty old racist newspaper columnist with the Washington Post and one of the worst professional opinion writers in America. More importantly: he's a man. A real man.

Sony Pictures went offline Monday after a group calling themselves #GOP hacked into the company, leaving behind an ominous demand displayed on employees' computers in New York and L.A.

Well-moisturized Republican David Brooks fancies himself a bit of a social scientist. Not really in the sense of like, doing science. More in the sense of "knowing some guys."

Self-employed former Gap spokesmodel Andrew Sullivan has been typing about the Gamergate movement again. Previously, when he weighed in, he began by telling his readers that they knew gamer culture "far, far better than I."

"We've just had a nonsense midterm election," basic bitch Thomas Friedman writes today. "Never has more money been spent to think so little about a future so in flux. What would we have discussed if we'd had a serious election?" Well? What???

Hyperconnected pontificator Thomas Friedman's column this weekend was one long extended metaphor purporting to explain the threatening nature of the Islamic State. Like The Da Vinci Code, his theory has a hidden, stupid secret.

Chin-stroking idea muppet Thomas Friedman has written and published a nationally-distributed newspaper column again today. Has he told you his door handle story? I think you will find it very instructive.

I bet thinking up two new column topics every single week is pretty hard, after a while.

Mustachioed simpleton Thomas Friedman today writes about a survey showing that successful students have mentors with "a real interest in their aspirations." For Thomas Friedman's daughter's college roommate, that mentor is clearly Thomas Friedman.

Good writer and smart man Richard Cohen is taking Obama to task for forgetting one important lesson that smart people like Richard Cohen know: the United States of America must be at war with lots of countries at all times.

The recent flood of leaked celebrity nudes was a number of things: Gross, sad, frustrating, eye-opening. And, finally, somewhere down the list, it was: BORING.

Mustachioed CEO-whisperer Thomas Friedman is a bit of a savant when it comes to the Middle East. So yes, now that you ask, he does have some thoughts about ISIS. Some... kind... of thoughts.

Lost child Thomas Friedman enjoys few things more than penning a good ol' paean to a hyperconnected corporation. Yet Thomas Friedman also has a reputation to maintain— as a person that dumb people think is a smart foreign policy thinker. What happens when these two things clash?

Tweetdeck got hacked Wednesday morning.

Reassuringly cuddly platitude coiner Thomas Friedman is a very respected and influential interpreter of world events. Not for his insight into these events, but for his ability to make up a name for them that his fans—children—can understand.

Frank Bruni, a bad newspaper columnist who is nevertheless employed as a columnist by America's most prominent newspaper, is obligated to write two columns per week. He has approximately zero good ideas per week. This is what causes things like Sunday's column to happen.

"In an age of sexting and Snapchat, of 'Girls Gone Wild' and friends with benefits..." Ruth Marcus' plug-and-play style of vacuous columnizing makes her the Thomas Friedman of boring sex scolds.

"Frozen In a Niche?" is the headline of today's Maureen Dowd column, as well as the headline of Maureen Dowd's career.