Gravity controversy! Fecal news! Fatty cake brain! Shady brainy babies! Lottery science magic! Shirts, singing! Who knows what secrets the universe holds? The Tuesday Science Watch does! Because we watch your science—clad in pop tune follicles!

Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has reportedly had a "major heart attack" in Florida. A "high-placed source" with the Yankees tells the New York Daily News that Steinbrenner has died. UPDATE: The AP also says he's died.

Cholesterol kids! Weight loss drugs! Glucosamine failure! Skin cancer diversity! Proper sneeze coverage! And your daily milk needs, revealed! It's your Monday Health Watch column, where we watch your health: with supplemental protein!

Scientists say that athletic success is actually determined by the position of your bellybutton on your torso; genetic bellybutton location differences account for white dominance in swimming, and West African dominance in running. Standup comedians are pretty embarrassed right now.

Healthy eater Rush Limbaugh yesterday attacked the "leftist kooks" at the Center for Science in the Public Interest for their intent to sue McDonald's over its Happy Meal toy promotions, and said they "want to ban Chinese food."

Denver's mayor takes the stairs! Full Figured Fashionistas have nice hair! Fat TV shows, there and there! Calorie knowledge is rare! Exercise is mental flair! It's your Wednesday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—from our airy lair!

Osteo danger! Fireworks injuries! Sleepy teens! Picky eaters! Ozzy columns! Obese necks! Gifted tests! And hair loss genes that want to render your body uncommonly smooth! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—one-handed, by necessity!

In a study released today in the Annals of Internal Medicine, doctors found that men who take pills for erectile dysfunction (Viagra, Cialis) showed triple the rate of STDs than men who don't. This newfound prowess leads to riskier sex.

Statistics assembled by England's Office of National Statistics show that Britons live on average 10 years longer than in the 1970s. They're also much fatter, and alcohol-related deaths have doubled since the 1990s. Happier and (somehow) healthier! [Telegraph]

Thankfully, most of us emerged unscathed from the scariest pandemic of all time, swine flu. The real heroes were the pharmaceutical companies that told governments to stockpile their products. But now, $260 million worth of expired vaccines will be destroyed.

NYC supremacy! Teen girl craziness! Vermonster's revenge! Kiddie hypertension! Air bee science! Lying docs! Airline food! It's your somewhat scientific Health Watch, where we watch your health—upon a mountain of iced-cream!

Fellow Americans: our diet has failed. More than 90% of us eat too much salt. We have to tax ourselves just to stop overdosing on soda. It's embarrassing. Fear not—an easy guide to eating healthy is just below!

Kid checkups! Organic fatties! Lazy docs! Sports carbs! Drunk teens! Rat Lungs! It's your predominantly factual Health Watch, where we watch your health—with the interest of a teenage girl amongst nerds!

Robot seal! Weed drugs! Dense breasts! Fat guts! Cartoon food! Chewing ice! And dogs with wondrous magical powers! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—anthropomorphically!

Doctors say new evidence shows that episodes of hallucinations and delirium afflicting old people in hospitals can have long-term negative effects. Also, Andy Rooney vows not to stop saying things on television any time soon.

Crazy ladies fear AIDS! Vuvuzela dangers! Tuberculosis rampant! Cell phone radiation! Skinny blood! Skinny sex! Sexy diets! It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while smearing ourselves with disinfectant!

Oooo, it's almost time for a brand new Government Food Pyramid! A panel of nutrition experts issued new Dietary Guidelines yesterday for Americans to ignore. The only ones paying attention: Kraft Foods Inc., your friendly corporate diet overlord.

The marketing of glucosamine supplements that magically heal arthritis: bullshit. Add it to the list.

Coffee science! Radiation danger! Sunscreen cancer! Nasty Kit Kats! Lap band death! And Gwyneth Paltrow's Paltry Workout for Palsy Patients! It's your health-filled Health Watch, where we watch your health—as Milo of Croton watched his!

A Google-connected startup misdirected up to 96 genetic-test results, telling people their children were not their children, that their ancestors were not their ancestors and even that they were a different gender. Then came the panic and tears.