Vivid Entertainment, in its infinite wisdom, has calculated that America's growing interest in "big, beautiful women" and our morbid curiosity about the Honey Boo Boo family add up to ideal market conditions for a porno starring estranged couple Mama June Boo Boo and Mike "Sugar Bear" Boo Boo.

On Monday's episode of Dr. Phil, the talk doc grilled "Mama" June Shannon about her relationship with registered sex offender Mark McDaniel, who molested June's daughter Anna Cardwell. Regarding the public knowledge of her relationship with McDaniel, which led to the cancellation of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, June said, "There's some truths and there's some lies that's out there, and there's the truth between that." She then danced all over the margins she set without ever leaving her seat.

Wresting the dark story away from TMZ, E! aired an "exclusive interview" with Here Comes Honey Boo Boo matriarch Mama June, who was finally forced to (sort of) address the deeply depressing rumor that she's back together with a convicted child molester who raped her oldest daughter.

Anna Cardwell, the oldest daughter of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo matriarch Mama June, says her mom didn't believe her now-convicted sex offender boyfriend had been molesting her eight-year-old daughter.

Just when you thought this story couldn't get shittier or more nauseating, TMZ drops the bomb that the relative of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo matriarch June Shannon's that her reported boyfriend, convicted child molester Mark McDaniel, forced oral sex on 10 years ago, when she was 8 years old, is none other than June's daughter Anna.

June Shannon, the matriarch of the family portrayed on TLC's Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, is dating a man who molested an 8-year-old by forcing oral sex on her, TMZ reports. Mark McDaniel was convicted in 2004 and served 10 years in prison before being released in March. The child he molested was a relative of June's.

It's a tragedy for me to see the dream is over: TMZ is reporting that Here Comes Honey Boo Boo matriarch June Thompson and her fairly beta other half Mike "Sugar Bear" Thompson are no more. It seems that Sugar Bear has been trolling online for a new partner, and Mama June is convinced that he's been cheating on her. Total coincidence: They just happen to be filming Season 5 of their TLC reality show as this is happening.

This happened on last night's episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. The tongue action is explicit. This show is Pink Flamingos.

TLC's Here Comes Honey Boo Boo returned for a third season last night. Where does the time go? It seems like only yesterday that concerned TV viewers were losing their shit over these people who can't seem to keep theirs (or anything else up their asses) in. Now, the Honey Boo Boo family seems just kind of...normal.

On last night's second-season, Watch and Sniff premiere of TLC's Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, the Thompson-Shannon family was alerted of a run-over hog. They chased it down, hacked it up and prepared, and prepared in a dish alternately referred to as "chunky pork and beans" and "hoof and beans."

To make the July 17 Here Comes Honey Boo Boo season premiere a multi-sensory experience, TLC will distribute "Watch ‘n Sniff cards" in various magazines and Time Warner stores. Pink Flamingos meets Polyester and it's all real (or, you know, close enough).

Don't say Honey Boo Boo never did anything for anyone. Last night's Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Christmas special devoted a lot of its time to the family's charity work, chiefly collecting a massive amount of toys for Wilco Luvs Kids, a local organization that helps distribute Christmas toys to needy families. Mama June's explanation of her own time of need was moving, as was her haul. I have only found these people endearing, but I imagine that it's getting harder and harder to hate them. They're good people. They treat each other kindly and they do nice things for strangers.

Honey Boo Boo's mom says she dropped 100+ lbs., since the show started filming. Whatever she lost, the TV added back.

On last night's Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Thanksgiving special (yeah, I have no idea why they did that with the scheduling — I guess this show takes months to finesse?), Mama June introduced the world to the concept of a "multi-meal." A "multi-meal" is what happens when you "just like throw whatever you have available in the cabinets in a bowl." The secret ingredient, though, is TLC's sound effects, which make June's already gross kneading ("Your hands are your best utensils") that much grosser.

The Honey Boo Boo family's Christmas card finds everyone looking very Hollywood and chic. Haha, no it doesn't.

Another day, another derailed interview: In this preview for Tuesday's episode of Dr. Drew, Alana "Honey Boo Boo" Thompson feigns sleep to avoid talking to the host. I can feel her baiting me into a supercut of her talk-show misbehavior.

Despite their show's hiatus, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo's sometimes titular Alana and her mother June are making more media rounds. They were on KTLA yesterday morning Jimmy Kimmel last night. Toward the end of the former interview, Alana wouldn't stop singing (to be fair, her mother prompted her) and otherwise causing a ruckus that derailed the interview, just like she did a few months ago on Anderson Live. Here's where keeping it real becomes utterly obnoxious. At the same time, it is refreshing to see someone openly reject bullshit morning-show questions, even if that someone in question is a 7 year old.

Honey Boo Boo is voting for Obama. Haha, just kidding. She's 7 and clearly an anarchist.

On last night's Here Comes Honey Boo Boo season finale, 17-year-old Anna gave birth to her daughter Kaitlyn. We've known about Kaitlyn for a while now, mostly because she has an extra thumb on her right hand. The family was just as fascinated and amused as their audience — Alana joked about coveting the extra thumb for its assistance in grabbing cheeseballs, while her sister Jessica gave her niece her first "high six." Probably won't be her last, either.

Somewhere on the brief walk from the Macon Mall's Spencer Gifts to rue21, a bright discount store glittering with pageant-level tackiness but no pretensions of refinement, somebody farted. Loudly. It was in the potential earshot of the staring kiosk workers in the Georgia mall, the mass of people who were trailing the nine of us, and even the paparazzi 20 yards ahead.