To all the single fellas: here's a sure-fire guide to getting what we all really want on Valentine's Day. Here's a hint: it's not chocolate.

Even after the Do Not Call List, they still get through! Listen to how to get them to hang up faster while still remaining pleasant.

If you've got a somebody, or you've decided to tell your crush how you really feel in an uninspired manner, Valentines are a must. Personalized calendars and inappropriate poker puns await!

Are you an aspiring thief? An aspiring eccentric millionaire? An aspiring gun owner that can't afford a safe? If so, you should watch this video. Additionally, the use of "stud" as a construction term will always be funny.

This bit of ninja retail magic has become internet legend. It's a great tip for travelling, moving, or trying to impress that special someone (who suffers from crippling OCD).

Oh, Magic, the 7th most popular way to impress someone. Learn how to eat a dollar bill and then restore it to its previous condition. Warning: It'll cost you a buck.

Originally titled How To Trick Women with Technology this video lays out a detailed way to shadily get a woman's phone number and a way to flagrantly misuse a labrador puppy.

Slight late pass, but here's an educational lesson for all you aspiring flacks: How do you connect your craptastic client to a huge star? Just lie about it! That's the 5WPR way.

Shows like Top Chef and No Reservations are some of the most popular shows amongst my friends these days, but chances are Padma and Tony have you thinking you're Mario Batali when you're still cooking at a Chef Boyardee level.

Sick of your boring everyday tween life? Ready to trade your privacy and dignity and junior high dramas for international superstardom and an army of blindly adoring fans? Let Bella Dancerella guide you on the path to pop enlightenment.

Have you heard about this kid, James O'Keefe? Grandiosely playing journalist and getting arrested in the classic Watergate fashion—why, his hilariously mis-channeled post-college angst is enough to make you write a How-To list mocking his whole godforsaken age demographic!

Hey, you, put down that Tech Deck fingerboard and throw on your Jncos! After watching watch this video, you'll be surfing the pavement and doing Christ Airs in no time.

Let this 3-D rendered web wiz teach you all the things you never knew you never knew about the internet and social networking, while his sultry mechanized voice pronounces its jargon and irrepressible superiority unto your unworthy ears.

If you're reading this post at home because your boss hates Gawker, this video is just what you need to reclaim the ability to waste time on the clock.

Crashing your car into a body of water might look cool in a movie, but it's no laughing matter. If you ever find yourself in a car rapidly filling with icy water, you'll know what to do.

This Subway tutorial is just one of many offerings from "How To, Batman!" unleashed on YouTube a few weeks ago. And... we're sold. Here, learn how to get the most bang for your gallant buck -plus!- bonus soda round.

The idea of getting a hickey after the age of 17 seems ridiculous, but as many drunken nights on the Lower East Side have proven, it still happens more than you care to admit. Lose the bruise with these tips.

Journalism has long been romanticized in America, from All the President's Men to I Love Trouble. But it's not all secret informants and gruff Nick Nolte bon mots; often it is salacious gossip about celebrities.

Ladies, is your main squeeze not exposing you to his adenoidal voice over the phone enough? Use these tips to get him to turn off the XBox and actually give you a ring.

Last night's MANswers explains a lot of things, the least repulsive of which is what to do if you're shot by an arrow. Lie back and let Spike TV save your life.