Hey, Silicon Valley doesn't really make you soft. Four articles explain how to deal with the hardships of various Valley lifestyles.

• Missed out on every significant Valleywag post since June? Forbes writer Erika Brown wraps up the creep of "cool" into Silicon Valley. By finishing with a quote from Almost Famous, she's won me over. [Forbes]

• #4 from Top 10 Lies told to Naive Artists and Designers: ""Well, we aren't sure if we want to use you yet, but leave your material here so I can talk to my partner." [PhotoRavlik]

We already know why Google announces so many useless partnerships, or at least one fringe benefit for the company, which is to signify that everyone is on its side, not Yahoo's or Microsoft's. Now Fortune Magazine reiterates: "Working with Google and grumbling about it is quite in fashion." There are so many deals and rumors of deals out there, how can anyone tell which deserve attention? Easy: Which exec made 'em?

Techies' frustration at people asking for free tech support is so common that now it's a t-shirt. Because explaining why you can maintain a million-item database but you can't fix your friend's e-mail is such a pain, someone else does it for you in the Daily Princetonian. A Com Sci major writes:

Online branding is more sophisticated than the old dot-com days (when, for example, fishing company Zapata moved into Internet media just because it owned zap.com), thanks to Google rank and word-of-mouth marketing. It's still brave to launch a site using any address other than "sitename.com," but several popular sites do just fine without.

A Silicon Valley vocabulary is like a litterbox: if you don't clean it out now and then, it gets clumped up stinks up the house. Here are three words to drop this minute:

Today a flack from public relations firm SS PR sent me yet another piece of spam following up an e-mail pitch I never asked for, proving that PR folks need some guidance in how to avoid being "that annoying flack" that journalists and business development workers gossip about at the bar. Because by pleasing journalists, you don't just help them — you help yourself.

You're still "post-modern"? Dude, that's so five ideologies ago. Don't worry, take this crash course in Silicon Valley cynicism and no one will know you're not a quasi-meta-pomo-pseudohipster just like the rest of us.

Business 2.0 Magazine thinks you should recruit employees at Burning Man. They're wrong.

Every week brings a new merger rumor, and just like celebrity couples (Bennifer! TomKat! Vive la diff rance!), every merger needs its portmanteau. So remember the official merger names:

Google's now so rich that it might technically be a mutual fund, and everyone assumes its employees are rolling in it. But not everyone at Google is rich (yet), and it's hard to tell in this culture of inconspicuous consumption.

• Web 2.0 start-up Kiko gets auctioned off for $50K. Kinda like that chick from "Family Matters" whose boyfriend pimped her out to porn. And both heed the disclaimer: Past traffic is no guarantee of future traffic. [Ebay]

• He comments on every blog that mentions his company. When the startup Sharpcast sponsored this week's GigaOM relaunch party, many attendees had no idea what the company does. Supr.c.ilio.us blogger Eran Globen noted this; so did I. CEO Gibu Thomas responded to Eran. Even if Gibu is Googling himself all day, can't he hand this work off to a flack?

• If you're going international, stash your laptop; US airports are banning carry-on electronics for overseas flights.

The startup vet at OnStartups.com (motto: "Those who can't IPO, teach") listed six great questions anyone joining a startup should ask, including "How much cash is there, where did it come from and how long will it last?" and "Will the founders get along when the going gets tough?"

Now that Gen-Xers are camped out on Friendster, teens dominate MySpace and Facebook, and the youngest baby boomers are rocking LinkedIn, retirees can join Eons, the new social network for the 50+ crowd. Details like the "obits" button might scare some folks away, but in the right hands, they're the pieces for a very fun game.

A friend passed in this overheard pickup line: "I'm gonna put my wiki in your portal, baby."

"With all the 2.0 hype, I think it's unfair to unanimously declare all new Internet startups as 100% junk. It can't be much more than 95%." The blogger at cynical site Dead2.0 thus introduces an impressive how-to for businesses that want to make the magic 5% cut. Here's Dead2.0's list (minus the insightful explanations) with the sites we think should listen up.

You tried fair competition. You tried fake friendliness. Sucker. The only way you'll take your enemies down is an all-out smear campaign. Don't make it sloppy. Unless you follow the dictims of dishonor, your tactics will backfire like a Tijuana burrito-eating contest. Besmirch by the rules: