• Late breaking, but: Behold the bacchanalian realtor horror of the Corcoran Group's holiday party. [BizBash]
• Natasha Lyonne may be back out on the streets, but it doesn't mean she's out of trouble: the cracktress skipped her court date yesterday, presumably because she was out buying 60 lbs of baking soda and some bell jars. [NYP]
• Meg Ryan officially adopts a baby girl from China. She's a mess without her, little China Girl. [Us Weekly]
• A trip to Ikea is stressful enough as is. Taking that trip with your significant other can make for relationship hell. Which is exactly why we'll die old and alone, with furniture made from cardboard boxes. [NY Sun]
• Blackface Jesus explains the blackface; confesses that his Halloween costume was Whiteface Jesus. Of course. [Junk Mag]
• Yesterday on Howard Stern, Alexis Stewart revealed her predilection for fucking the wage laborers. [Howard Stern]
• Billy Joel isn't some little kid, you know. It's time to start calling him "Bill." [NYT]
• How to deal with a porn producer. [JenIsFamous]
• Donald Trump sues the NYT Co. and reporter Timothy L. O'Brien for $5 billion in damages — which should cover, oh, maybe half of Trump's paper losses for the next week. [WSJ]

• Simon Dumenco has a new media quiz for you. Yee-haw. [Ad Age]
• Breaking: In unmediated blog comments threads, people sometimes say bad things. [NYT]
• NYT reorgs Washburo, aiming for more investigative pieces, more and better explanatory journalism, and more D.C.-culture coverage. [Media Mob/NYO]
• What do you Radarites do while Maer goes a-hunting again? Take new gigs! For starters, Christ Tennant's at Page Six, Chris Knutsen's at Best Life, and Remy Stern's trying to be an entrepreneur. [WWD (second item)]
• Even on satellite radio, Stern now runs up against standards and practices. Which seems to defeat the purpose, no? [NYP]

We don't have satellite radio, but, then, we almost never listened to Stern back when he was on the ol' wireless, either. This makes us doubly appreciative of our pal CityRag, who both catches Howard's on-air (on-satellite?) revelation this morning that he's had some plastic surgery and puts together some before and after photos of the work.

· FamilyMediaGuide.com, online home to the naughtiness measuring Howard Stern Shockulator, tallied 68 f-bombs, 34 assholes, 17 cocks, and 10 cunts in Stern's first day on the job at Sirius. Eh, that shouldn't be too hard to top by the end of the week.
· Just so that you know, Billy Crystal says he was offered the Oscar hosting gig before Jon Stewart. He'd hate for you to think that the Academy got its first choice.
· Brad Pitt does sort of look like a monkey, though they probably could've dug up more compelling photo pairs if they spent a couple of more minutes on searching images on Google.
· While we languish at our regular keyboard all day, our buddies at Jalopnik are running amok at the Detroit Auto Show, and Fleshbot is recovering from a weekend at the AVN pornopalooza in Vegas.
· We just can't believe in any edgy writers anymore, can we? Tomorrow's news will probably unmask Dana Delaney as the true author of Bruce Wagner's novels.
· And is Macaulay Culkin writing his own books? God, we hope so.

• More cuts at Time Inc.: This time, Time's London bureau! [WWD]
• Angry Simon Dumenco hates pay-per-use media content, and he thinks you do, too. Also, he hates the electronics industry for not being as smart as Tim Berners-Lee. [Ad Age]
• Today was Stern's first day on Sirius. Did you listen? We didn't. [NYT]
• Ah: The Observer listened, and discovered he said "fuck" a lot. [Media Mob/NYO]
• Media's still a man's world, says David Carr. (Though, of course, it wouldn't be nothing without a woman or a girl to buy the shelter celeb mags.) [NYT]
• People like snark, says Jon Friedman, who snags this delightful dek: "Commentary: Accent is on commentaries, not reporting." [MW]
• Big media sometimes doesn't credit blogs, and that makes Greg Lindsay sad. [MB]

• Page Six claims to have seen a picture of Lindsay Lohan's friend bringing the starlet a pregnancy test while she rests at a Miami hospital. Because hospital pregnancy tests just aren't as reliable as an E.P.T. [Page Six]
• An attempt to patch things up with Katie Holmes' parents doesn't go well for Tom Cruise, and the couple leave the family home earlier than planned. Thetans just don't have the time to deal with that sort of bullshit, y'know? [Scoop]
• Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen filed for divorce yesterday. We'd mock them but, after they initially separated, they actually tried to work things out for their kids. So now it's just kind of sad. Like Platoon. [Page Six]
• Howard Stern's daughter Emily drops out of a Kabbalah play, in which she would appear nude, after concerns that pictures would end up on the internet. Damn you, bloggers. [Lowdown]
• Vincent Pastore is being sued for by his former fianc e, Lisa Regina, who is seeking $5 million after being physically and emotionally abused by "Big Pussy." Lord, if we could sue a pussy for all it's put us through... [Cindy Adams]
• The White House continues to withhold information from full congressional oversight regarding its stance on scallops. [R&M]

Now that Howard Stern has abandoned 92.3 for the warm arms of Sirius (the new show starts January 9th — and what the hell is up with the Black Power logo accompanying his relaunch? Who are we kidding here?), "Diamond" David Lee Roth has taken over the morning slot on K-Rock. The station has been rebranded as Free FM, presumably in an effort to distance itself from its Stern-dominated history, but it's not going to do much good: both the papers and the listeners have been less than kind (granted, it's only day 2). Writes one New York Radio Message Board user:

Now that Howard Stern has forsaken us for satellite radio, Adam Carolla has ascended the King of All Media's morning commute throne, hoping to keep local listeners from defecting to the world of $13 dollar a month subscriptions. We listened, sort of, to the maiden broadcast yesterday, and only vaguely remember the comforting presence of Carolla life-partner/TV host Jimmy Kimmel. Luckily, someone from the LAT took notes, otherwise we may have never registered that the show eased the audience into the post-Stern era with some familiar attention to personal hygiene of the most personal variety:

With every passing day, we seem to learn more and more about our favorite reviled hipster, Blackface Jesus. This morning, BfJ attended the rally for Howard Stern, and he sayeth: "What radio is for the baby, Sirius is for the soul." (Misshapes 3:18)

Poor Simon Dumenco.

TimeWarner crapped all over our afternoon yesterday, meaning we were unable to get to the following minutae. We're sorry for inconveniencing your ADD.

Think someone at NBC was a Six Feet Under fan? Our pal Andy Towle at Towleroad does.
· At the UK premiere of that black-and-white movie about the commies, Clooney puts to rest all speculation that he'd have a reason for buying that gay bar: “I’ve no preference towards anyone, ladies or men, Italian or American.” Also, it seems that Clooney coldcocked a dude, just for good measure.
· We have only three words to say about Howard Stern's one-day suspension, served tomorrow: F Tom Chiusano. [SFX: golf club swing]
· We are shocked—shocked!—that Lindsay Lohan hasn't given a lot of thought to the college selection process.
· Most depressing headline of the day: NBC's big bright spot: Jay Leno. Ever seen a peacock put its head in the oven? You might soon.

• LA Times gets all A1 with its hipster coverage, burning your cornea with a major piece on party photographer The Cobra Snake. Bonus points for New Yorkers Joey Arak and Choire McSichapants for quotage, and to Jonny Kaps for having his name repeatedly misspelled. [LAT]
• So who's going to replace legendary King of All Media Howard Stern? Worst case scenario: Adam Carrolla or David Lee Roth. Time to buy an iPod if you haven't already. [CBS/AP]
• In other replacement news, cheap retalier has replaced Cocaine Kate Moss with Italian model Mariacarla Boscano, who we're sure has never blown a rail in her entire life. [Yahoo/AP]
• Fundamentalist Christians get laid more than you think. [NYT]
• Manhattan, meet the ViVa 'hood. That's right: The next neighborhood to try and get all "hot" is named after your budget paper towels. [Curbed]

A reliable and apparently radio-listening tipster sends this breaking news (now also posted on her own blog):

Our man in Boston — OK, fine, we're not that monogamous: one of our men in Boston — sends in this dispatch from the shock-jock front, which we suspect has the added virtue of actually being true:

• Time Warner sets aside $3 billion to settle lawsuits resulting from the Worst Merger in History. Sadly, it's not coming from Steve Case and Jerry Levin's personal bank accounts. [NYT]
• Newly arrived OK! doesn't look much different from the competition. [USAT]
• Judy Miller fits in fine in jail, warden says. And, if not, they have vays of making prisoners "fit in." [WP]
• Howard Stern to go uncensored on video-on-demand TV. [NYP]
• "All that press coverage of the blogs, and the audience is just minuscule," a Forrester Research veep says while releasing a new study. And how big's your audience, Forrester? [Boston Herald]

· The Cityrag blog finds itself obsessed with Owen "The Butterscotch Stallion" Wilson's trademark crooked nose and its representation in the media. It's nice to see someone concentrating on something other than his sex life, isn't it?
· Whether you want to listen to Howard Stern spank strippers on satellite radio or watch him do it on cable, you're going to have to pony up a subscription fee.
· "Hey, Gammaw, tell us again about the time you made out with Johnny Depp!"
· Gawker finally gets some answers about the enigma-wrapped-in-a-riddle that is Laguna Beach.
· We're pretty sure that they're called "spec scripts," um, not the thing that this writer calls them. But then again, we're not familiar with his work.

• Howard Stern announces Adam Carolla and David Lee Roth will take over his timeslot once he moves to satellite radio. Unless, of course, he was just kidding. [LAT]
• In All the President's Men, reporters were movie heroes. Now they're always slime. Not unlike what real people think of reporters. [NYT
• Breaking: Supreme Court nominee will be fair game for bloggers. Thanks for the permission, USA Today. [USAT
• "When a Man Dies in a Sex Act With a Horse — What's a Reporter to Do?" Man, if we had a nickel for every time someone asked us that question.... [E&P]

A reader writes, "Lisa Marie Presley appeared on Howard Stern's show this morning. After he got through the vital Howard questions (yes, she had lesbian sex, once, when she was a teen, and she's still tempted but doesn't answer the tempt... yes, she does like sex in all the unusual places... no, she won't confirm whether there's anything odd about Michael Jackson's penis), he asks about reports of a Lisa Marie/Paris Hilton catfight. Lisa explains that she has a friend who likes to throw drinks on Paris. They were at a party and the friend said she'd just tossed an aperitif. Lisa Marie didn't believe her. Here came Paris, so the friend proved it by throwing a drink at Paris' back. The friend then ducked out of the way, leaving Lisa Marie there, looking guilty, though she says she wasn't. What an odd pastime: The Paris Hilton drinking game: Every time you see her, you throw a drink."

A reader offers an update on the Howard Stern item from today's gossip roundup: "Howard had a fit on the air about the Post item. Not true. He doesn't want his kids to think he does that; he doesn't want his girlfriend to think he does that. He dropped off some friends and left. The guy who was at the club called up to confirm. Moments later, Howard agreed to fly a stripper form Cinncinnati to New York. But that's differentthat's work."