Former honorary Kardashian Bruce Jenner has never officially said he's transitioning from male to female, but that didn't stop In Touch from horribly photoshopping what they think he would look like if he did. His ex-wife, Kardashian momager Kris Jenner, is reportedly pissed off at the magazine for the upcoming cover, which implies he told his family he was going to transition.

In the constantly-contradicting world of tabloid journalism, is anyone reliable? We analyzed 20 months of reported break-ups, marriages, and pregnancies to tabulate our first-ever Tabloid Reality Index, batting averages for America's five major celebrity glossies and the rumors they monger.

The hooker who will soon feel the wrath of David Beckham's legal team, Irma Nici, is a total liar, says UK tabloid News of the World. The funniest part of the story? They call In Touch a "downmarket" magazine. Ha!

Soccer star David "I Did Not Hire a $10,000-a-Night-Hooker" Beckham is suing In Touch over a story they ran about him hiring a $10,000-a-night-hooker. Also named in the suit: 26-year-old Irma Nici, the $10,000-a-night-hooker in question.

In your dangerous Thursday media column: a serious criminal charge for leaking to a reporter, Marie Claire goes all natural, the WSJ steals an AP reporter, and a new editor at In Touch.

Everyone was shocked when, last week, In Touch published a cover story about Jesse James' mistress Michelle "Bombshell" McGee. The surprise wasn't that James was having affairs, but that In Touch had gotten the story—and gotten it right.

In your rainy Monday media column: God tries to kill celebrity news using the weather, the New York Times is a totally great newspaper!, and USA Today arrives in Starbucks.

• As rumored, the New York Times plans to begin charging readers to access stories on the NYT website. It will be a metered system (so only "frequent readers" will be affected), and it doesn't start until 2011. And faithful subscribers to the print edition won't be forced to pay anything extra. [NYT]
• What are the chances Conan lands at Fox? It could happen, but there are plenty of reasons why Fox might decide to back away from a deal. [WSJ]
• The news biz: Talks to bring Ted Koppel back to ABC News appear to have fallen through; Megyn Kelly is getting her own show on Fox News; and CNN has announced it's partnering with hipster mag Vice, oddly enough. [NYO]
• Condé Nast's Fairchild unit has a new chief. Gina Sanders, Lucky's publisher (and Si Newhouse's niece) will now be running the show. [WWD]
• The Sundance Film Festival kicks off in Park City, Utah tomorrow. And it's shaping up to be fest's "most important" year ever, supposedly. [NYT, WSJ]

Fiddlesticks to you, Americans: Sarah Palin's In Touch cover only sold half as many issues as Brittany Murphy's cover. Famous ladies with babies—this was just like an Angelina Jolie cover! What do you people want? (Cleavage). [P6]

• It's a new day at Condé Nast. The mag giant's chief exec, Chuck Townsend, has gone from firing staffers to giving them motivational speeches. [NYO]
• In Touch's editor quit yesterday, reportedly because he wasn't happy that his bosses wouldn't agree to increase his $750,000-a-year salary. [NYP]
• Is MSNBC's Ed Schultz thinking about running for Senate? [HP, The Hill]
• A draft of the script for the third Twilight film has been leaked online. [WSJ]
• Fox's latest reality show, Our Little Genius, is stirring up controversy. [NYT]
• It looks like Sam Mendes will be directing the next James Bond movie. [MTV]
• Advertising: Hanes is pulling its TV ads featuring Charlie Sheen. [People]
• Taylor Swift's "Fearless" was the No. 1 selling album of 2008. In other Taylor-related news, Taylor Lautner is now the highest paid teenager in Hollywood.
• "Newspaper reporter" is officially one of the worst jobs in America. [HP]

As we heard yesterday, In Touch editor Richard Spencer did indeed quit abruptly Monday. Keith Kelly says that Spencer walked out with no warning while the mag was on deadline, apparently irked at his paltry salary.

We're hearing that In Touch editor Richard Spencer quit yesterday. The circumstances of his departure are unclear. Last November, we heard that Spencer had been offered the head editorial gig at OK! Magazine, and turned it down. Maybe he'll return their calls now? If you know more about this, email us.

Bonnie Fuller finally re-launched HollywoodLife.com as a celebrity gossip site in her own image, and it's as nauseating as we feared: In Touch and Life & Style have indeed vomited all over a ridiculously loooong Web page.

• New York Times Co. CEO Janet Robinson "isn't happy with the media." She'd also like to make it clear that the company is not currently up for sale, so please put your dollar bills back in your wallet, thank you very much. [MW]
• Ten movies will compete for Best Picture at the Oscars now, not 5. [THR]
• Sad: Dick Cheney landed a $2 million deal to publish his memoir. [NYT]
• Also sad: MSNBC, the illustrious home of blowhard Keith Olbermann, seems to think its tired prison docs are more important than covering Iran. [LAT]
• Director David Fincher is in talks to make a movie about Facebook. [Reuters]
• The always classy In Touch spent $75,000 to purchase photos of Kate Gosselin spanking her kids in public for its cover last week. [WWD, NYP]

High-end celebrity weekly In Touch ran a feature this week showing where various celebs live in the tony Brentwood section of LA. They even have a handy map. Only problem? The map is of a different Brentwood, up in Oakland.

In your dire Thursday media column: Us Weekly starts a war, America refuses to watch gay broadcasters, "I.D." is the unluckiest magazine name, and North Korea will try the US reporters it snatched:

• Union members at the Boston Globe will vote on the controversial concession package proposed by the New York Times Co. on June 8. [E&P]
• Last week's broadcast of Meet the Press earned the NBC chatfest its lowest ratings since David Gregory took over as moderator. [HuffPo]
• Supermarket tabloid smackdown: Us Weekly is standing up for integrity in journalism (and Brangelina) by waging war against In Touch. [TMZ, Gawker]
• Who says magazines are dead? The publisher of Interview is in the process of launching a quarterly design magazine called Modern. [Folio]
• Neil Patrick Harris will host the 2009 Tony Awards on June 7. [AP]
• The two American journalists who were first detained in North Korea two months will go on trial for "hostile acts" on June 4. [NYT]

We hear Bauer Publishing just summoned its entire staff to the office in a frantic effort to get ahead of the coming New York snowstorm. Bad weather + Media depression = panic!

♦ ABC has ordered up new episodes of Life on Mars, but it has no plans to shoot new ones of Pushing Daisies, Dirty Sexy Money, or Eli Stone. [THR]
♦ Penguin's Ann Godoff will be publishing pollster Nate Silver's two books as part of the deal he signed for $700,000. [NYO]
♦ Michael Phelps has signed on as a pitchman for Subway. [AdAge]
♦ Ted Turner's autobiography will make its debut on the New York Times bestseller list this week at No. 8. Also: Artie Lang, Howard Stern's sidekick, has landed a six-figure book deal. [NYP]