Mad Men star January Jones' hit-and-run may have involved alcohol... and Bobby Flay.

An unnamed Victoria's Secret model destroys a priceless work of art by rubbing her perfect body across it. Lindsay Lohan's assistant quits in a huff. Bethenny Frankel's mysterious first husband revealed. TGIFriday gossip.

[January Jones arrives home the morning after this event, in last night's clothes. When Don Draper finds out, he will be furious. Image via Pacific Coast News.]

We were so busy gawking at Real Housewife Danielle Staub eating dinner with skater Johnny Weir in Chelsea last night that we missed the Costume Institute Gala Benefit. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there in our stead.

It's true. He's been given the highest honor. Also today: Some good news for a beloved TV star, a celebrated director is taking a fantastic voyage, and Leonardo DiCaprio is stepping out on Marty.

• Is it possible that Natalie Portman isn't as sweet as she looks? She reportedly started seeing her new boyfriend, New York City Ballet dancer Benjamin Millepied, while he was still dating—and living with—his girlfriend of three years. Portman and Millepied began dating in the fall, but the girlfriend reportedly only got the shaft just after New Year's, poor thing. [P6]
• So are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie splitting up or not? One possible sign they are not separating: Pitt was seen returning to the LA home he shares with Jolie yesterday. One sign they are: A British tabloid reports Pitt "secretly" (or not-so-secretly) purchased "a bachelor pad to help him sort out his split from Angelina Jolie," and it's equipped with underground cave "where he can be alone and think about what he does next." Take your pick. [TMZ, DM]
• There's a new party boy in town at Sundance, and his name is Bill Gates. The 54-year-old nerd/philanthropist was spotted dancing on a banquette until 2am and confessed he was on the prowl for "that chick from Twilight" (Kristen Stewart), because he wanted to "see her movie." Or something. [P6]

• The messiest TV feud in years may be nearing its end. Conan O'Brien and NBC are said to be close to signing a deal that would allow Conan to walk away from The Tonight Show with $32.5 million in hand. He wouldn't be able to host a show on another network until September under terms of the agreement. And it remains unclear if he'll be able to take some of the memorable characters he created with him, like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog or the Masturbating Bear. [TMZ]
• Has Jennifer Aniston finally found love? Probably not, but she's reportedly hooking up with Gerard Butler again. After taking pictures together on the red carpet at the Golden Globes, Aniston and Butler were supposedly seen "making out" backstage and were "attached at the hip all night." [P6]
• Madonna may be looking to add to her collection of kids. According to a Brit tabloid, the 51-year-old singer wants to have a baby with her Brazilian boytoy Jesus Luz since she has "endless love in her heart for another child." [Sun]
• Tiger Woods may be staying at Pine Grove, a sex rehab facility in Mississippi, if you happen to be looking for him, or you just need the name of a place that will treat your own compulsion to sleep with hookers and waitresses. [Us]

Last night January Jones looked great and behaved well on camera, but behind the scenes she was extolling her admiration for Jersey Shore (love) and leaving an after party with Jeremy Piven (hate). What's the deal?

Actor Bradley Cooper turns 35 today. January Jones of Mad Men is turning 32. Charlie Rose is 68. Diane Keaton is turning 64. Actor Robert Duvall is 79. Publishing heiress Amanda Hearst is 26. Marilyn Manson is turning 41. Former Vice President Walter Mondale is 82. Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell turns 66 today. King Carlos of Spain is turning 72. Fashion reporter Steven Cojocaru is 45. Carrie Ann Inaba, the judge from Dancing with the Stars, is turning 42. The Hills' Kristin Cavallari is 23. And former Love Boat actor Ted Lange celebrates his 62nd birthday today.

What's your favorite ancient Norse saga? (And don't say Hervarar saga ok Heiðreks—everyone says that!) Well, make room in your heart for the new Mel Gibson-directed viking film starring Leonardo DiCaprio. It should be epic.

[GQ editor-in-chief Jim Nelson cozies up to January Jones, Jennifer Carpenter, and Sarah Silverman right before the comedian makes an indecent proposal at the GQ 'Men Of The Year' party in Hollywood last night. Image via Getty]

January Jones was offered a shot to prove that she's not the worst part of Mad Men when she hosted Saturday Night Live this weekend. She totally blew it. Will she be able to recover?

• Oprah's interview with Sarah Palin aired today, as you know by now. [AP]
• The deal between GE and Comcast to give the cable giant control of NBC Universal could be finalized in the next few days/weeks, although approval from Washington could take some time. [DF, THR, WSJ]
• Lou Dobbs didn't walk away from $9 million when he departed CNN. He reportedly got paid $8 million in severance to walk out the door. [NYP]
• The largest gay newspaper publisher in the U.S. has shuttered. [NYT]
• Budget Travel may be the magazine to die. [Daily Intel]
• The cost-cutting McKinsey consultants have landed at Dow Jones. [Forbes]
• 2012 destroyed the box office this weekend, reeling in $65 million. [THR]

So, here at SNL Digest, we're trying to have a hopeful, kind conversation about a show—and a tradition—we hold dear, the slope of its decline regardless. But last night's January Jones episode? One word: disaster. How disaster-y?

Matthew Weiner says the Draper marriage is "unambiguously over," making our Betty-betting line look generous.

The Mad Men season finale left a real easy way to get rid of a whole bunch of cast members. So, who is going to leave this critically-acclaimed show for fame and fortune and who is here to stay?

• Lindsay Lohan could use a little good news today, especially since she's still dealing with the aftermath of her disastrous outing at Paris Fashion Week. Today is not going to be that day, unfortunately. Lohan is set to appear in court in LA a little later to answer questions about whether or not she's violated the terms of the probation she was given after she was busted for DUI a couple of years ago. Let's hope her powers of persuasion are in full effect. The judge could potentially sentence her to jail time, which would not only suck for LiLo, but would also leave Emmanuel Ungaro directionless, clearly. [TMZ, E!]
• Are John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston back together? Is she simply powerless to resist his advances? And have they spent the last few weeks meeting up for secret, romantic escapades around town? For the sake of Aniston's long-term mental health, let's hope none of those things are true. [Us, People]
• Go set your DVR. Tyra Banks plans to air the "first-ever televised colonic" on her show today. Just don't watch it while you're eating. [Dlisted, Tyra Show]

Jennifer Aniston's in love with someone, again. Paul McCartney's son's dreams are coming true and dying all at once. Jon and Kate are still deplorable. And Courtney Hazlett calls out Melissa Rycroft. Hoorah! It's your Friday morning gossip roundup!

Child labor activists are aiming for Pam Anderson. Rush Limbaugh, shockingly, loves racist clubs. Jon Gosselin no doubt hates giving up $180,000. And Ashton Kutcher was mean to January Jones. Good morning! It's your Wednesday morning gossip roundup...

Are Jennifer and Brad going to reconcile? Will Nancy Grace eat Jon Gosselin's face? Can Levi Johnston get in shape for Playgirl? And why do women find Jeremy Piven attractive? Welcome, inquisitive reader, to your Wednesday morning gossip roundup!