♦ David Duchovny has left the rehab facility where he's spent the last few weeks receiving treatment for sex addiction. He's now in NYC with wife Tea Leoni. [Us]
♦ Brangelina has left town. The family was spotted walking around New Orleans yesterday. [E!]
♦ Madonna made fun of Sarah Palin at her concert at the Meadowlands on Saturday night. [P6]
♦ Clint Eastwood might think Sarah Palin would make a good VP, although he didn't actually say it in so many words. [P6]
♦ Break out the tissues: Holly Madison says she and Hugh Hefner are no longer together. [TMZ]

• Madonna and Alex Rodriguez had a big secret dinner at Dos Caminos Third Avenue in New York. They arrived half an hour apart, sat in the back at a quiet, "alcove-like" table and left by separate exits. Then they denied the Mexican food rendezvous to the press, since Rodriguez's soon-to-be-ex-wife has the crazy idea Madonna sneaks around with A-Rod . But Us Weekly and Page Six each has a source who saw the dinner, so it's basically confirmed.

♦ Harvey Weinstein may be a million bucks poorer today. Or maybe not! After yesterday's email debacle, Harvey says he'll donate $1 million to the Robin Hood Foundation once he can verify that Scott Rudin's email is "authentic," which means he'll probably conduct an "investigation" into the matter until it blows over. [P6]
♦ Janet Jackson has been released from the hospital. But fiancé Jermaine Dupri doesn't seem too concerned. He hasn't missed any of his scheduled party appearances the past few days. [People, R&M]
♦ Britney Spears' lawyers have been working overtime to quash the sex tape she made with Adnan Ghalib. [The Sun]
♦ Salma Hayek was spotted in Paris with her ex Francois-Henri Pinault, which means it's time to start speculating about whether they're getting back together. [Daily Star]

Boomp3.com Life must be a permanent vacation for Smart Water spokesperson Jennifer Aniston. Aniston felt that another vacation as on the white sand beaches of Mexico was in order to fully get over the recent split from dorm rock crooner John Mayer, but Aniston still hasn't been able to shake his memory. Aniston said, "I walk into the resort and somebody at the bar is doing that karaoke thing and they're doing one of the songs by that joker. Then at dinner, a mariachi band plays another one of his songs. I may have to go to the South Pole if I want to get away from all of my exes." Then Aniston remembered that it's cold down at the South Pole and she's not a fan of snow pants. [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

♦ Charges will not be filed against Shia LaBeouf in connection with his car accident in LA in July. He may still lose his license, though, for failing to submit to a blood-alcohol test after the crash. [E!]
♦ Lindsay Lohan is so scared of her dad that she may take out an order of protection against him. [P6]
♦ Last week it was rumored Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Refaeli had split up. Now it's rumored they're back together. [OK!]
♦ Robert De Niro is a giant pain to work with who makes "weird midnight phone calls." Or at least that's what Harvey Weinstein and Quentin Tarantino said in a taped phone conversation from 1997 that's just now been leaked. [P6]
♦ Julia Roberts left the Waverly Inn covered up in a pashmina, which means it's time for a fresh round of rumors that she's secretly pregnant. [The Sun]

• Wacky old Giorgio Armani is going back on his promise to PETA not to use fur in his designs. [P6]

• Jennifer Aniston was photographed holding hands on a Mexican beach with a MYSTERY MAN. He's OLDER. Also, she's just friends (third item) with actor Gerard Butler even though he was totally TOUCHING HER THIGH.

♦ You'd think that for $85,000-a-month, you might shell out a few extra few bucks on a maid. Apparently not. According to the Star, there's no one cleaning up after Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's kids, and their French chateau is a complete pigsty that "looks like a war zone." [Star]
♦ Jennifer Lopez raised $127,000 for charity by competing in the Malibu triathalon. She then flew directly to New York and spent $800,000 on Marc Anthony's birthday party. [MSNBC]
♦ According to the always reliable Joe Francis, Lindsay Lohan is straight. [E!]
♦ Lindsay: Please don't discuss how you're supporting Barack in November. You're embarrassing him. [NYDN]

♦ In his new book, Alec Baldwin goes off on TMZ's Harvey Levin, and says that the fallout from his infamously leaked voicemail made him want to commit suicide. [R&M]
♦ Barbra Streisand sang four songs at an Obama fundraiser last night. Attendees included Leonardo DiCaprio, Steven Spielberg, Jeffrey Katzenberg and David Geffen. [Fox News]
♦ Anne Hathaway acted like a bit of a diva at an event in Toronto. She also smokes, which her publicist doesn't want you to know. [OK!, R&M]
♦ Sarah Palin's "secretive circle of stylists" dressed her in a $2,500 Valentino jacket for her big speech at the Republican convention. [P6]
♦ Bad news: Hugh Hefner says all three of the Girls Next Door are getting spinoffs. [E!]
♦ Even worse news: Heidi Montag and her sister Holly are "developing a top-secret project" together. [LAT]

• Anne Hathaway broke up with Rafaello Follieri by speakerphone, saying, "you were the love of my life." Then he was arrested while she went to promote her movie in Mexico. Seeya, let's stay friends 'k?! [Us, Vanity Fair]

• Katie Holmes got a visit from concerned ex-boyfriend and former Dawson's Creek co-star Joshua Jackson at rehearsals for her Broadway play, a British magazine reported. Jackson had this crazy idea that Holmes has been sucked into an isolating Scientology vortex, but Holmes was still thrilled to see and de-Thetanize him. [Showbiz Spy]

As shooting on 30 Rock dragged into the wee hours of the morning, popular actress Jennifer Aniston offered free neck rubs and body massages to day players and crew members to boost morale. Aniston said, "I finally got a chance to put those six months at massage school to good use. It's just so nice to give back." Aniston's makeshift massage tent generated a huge line, despiteher strict anti-happy ending policy. Aniston added, "That's kind of gross. Maybe if the individual was my lover, but a lighting guy, not so much. Love what they do, but not that much."

Amid all the gala premieres and Earth-shattering Paris Hilton controversies gripping Toronto as its film festival gets underway, only one subplot in particular has managed to coax psychoanalysts and romantic advice gurus alike out of their plush-lined caves. And to be honest, we can't believe we didn't think of it sooner: What should exes Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston — both in town with new films — do should they bump into each other on some congested red carpet, or while picking up one of those delicious sausages on Bloor Street? That's heartburn enough — but it doesn't have to be crippling, argues today's Globe and Mail:

Cameron Diaz leaving a nail appointment ... Jennifer Aniston with Alec Baldwin on the set of 30 Rock ... Liv Tyler dressed up for a party sponsored by Samsung ... Miley Cyrus walking around Midtown ... Adrian Grenier with his grandmother at the Entourage season premiere party ... Kim Cattrall sitting with with Star Jones at the US Open ... Naomi Watts with her baby on Lafayette Street ... Ed Koch standing in Midtown ... and Kelly Ripa leaving the ABC studios with a cup of coffee in hand...

Breaking News: Jennifer Aniston is a desperate, man-obsessed stalker...on a fall episode of 30 Rock, shooting right now in New York! The former Friends actress will play Claire Harper, a "free-spirited, Fatal Attraction-like stalker" (and ex-roommate of Tina Fey's Liz Lemon) who falls for Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin). After his efforts to rebuff her finally sink in, "Claire" will go a bunny-killing rampage that coincidentally claims the lives of Aniston enemies John Mayer and Wendy Williams. "No one told you life was gonna end this way," she will sing, before the clap-clap-clap of her handgun brings the scene to a close. [Us]

• Joe Francis, the Girls Gone Wild scuzz, has for some reason hired as his personal assistant Holly Montag, sister of the actress Heidi Montag. He reports she is "probably the best assistant I have ever had," by which he means she waited for him to get out of prison and greatly increases the chances he will score some sort of reality television deal. [P6]

• The lawsuit between Donald Trump and Times reporter Timothy O'Brien continues: A judge has ordered Arthur Sulzberger Jr. to submit to a deposition, which the publishing scion isn't all that happy about. [P6]

• The war between News Corp. and NBC rages on. Today Page Six reports that Keith Olbermann is so concerned about being "assassinated," he's refusing to cover the Republican National Convention unless MSNBC springs for a more secure location. They also claim none of Luke Russert's new colleagues at NBC News like him, especially since he got to ride around the convention in golf carts while they had to walk. [P6, P6]

• Luke Russert golf-carted around the Democratic convention like some kind of boy king while his bitter coworkers had to hoof it. Obviously this rumor is made up, because everyone knows NBC correspondents air their bitter grievances only on camera. [P6]

• Anne Hathaway: "I was kind of afraid of [Barack] Obama the first time I saw him... I was afraid to trust him and I was afraid to have hope when I first kind of became aware of him. It was around the time that he gave his speech on race that I just said 'I can't deny how I feel about you, Barack Obama.'" Please just stop talking, Anne. This is almost worse than the Madonna/McCain/Hitler thing. [AP]