HEY. Hey now. When the New York Post got themselves an advice columnist, what'd we do? We tried to help. Know what Page Six does when we get Star-reporter-turned-starfucker Kate Major as our journalism ethicist? Writes a mean, smelly diss!

As promised, Kate Major—the former Star celebrity reporter who left journalism behind to pursue love with Jon Gosselin (which didn't quite work)—has answered five questions for you, the bloodthirsty internet hordes. Below: regrets, journalism, heroes, and celebulove.

The practice of journalism is full of knotty ethical questions best left to experts. Luckily, we have one: Former Star reporter turned Jon Gosselin flame and celeb boxing ref Kate Major. We need your thorny media dilemmas, for her expertise!

Former Star reporter Kate Major, who fell in love with Jon Gosselin, who managed to become friends with Shit Parent of the Year Michael Lohan before leaving Major, who is now letting Michael Lohan move into her place. [NYDN]

Mischa Barton walking and talking in SoHo yesterday afternoon ... Ashlee Simpson heading into the Rosa Mexicano near Union Square on Monday ... George Clooney's girlfriend, Elisabetta Canalis shopping in SoHo ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her home in the West Village ... Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi leaving MTV studios in Times Square ... Blake Lively shooting scenes for Gossip Girl on Madison Avenue ... and Michael Lohan and girlfriend Kate Major ice staking at Rockefeller Center.

When Star reporter Kate Major quit "journalism" in order to pursue love with Jon Gosselin, some questioned whether the move was wise. Well, the haters can quiet down: Kate's made it. To celebrity boxing (refereeing).

• Is Tiger Woods in New York right now? Did he settle with his estranged wife by handing her a check for $300 million? In two pretty dubious stories now making the rounds, a friend of Elin Nordegren says Woods' scorned wife—who spent the holiday weekend at a French ski resort—has been telling pals she got a $300 million gift for Christmas from her estranged husband. Meanwhile, rumors also surfaced that Woods was spending the weekend holed up at New York's Trump International Hotel, where he ordered huge amounts of Red Bull and vodka and was accompanied by a "leggy blond." Alas, the paparazzi camped out outside the hotel never caught a glimpse of him and the hotel staff denied Woods was ever there. [NYDN, NYP]
• Down in St. Barts, Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich made it rain by hosting a $5 million New Year's Eve party at his $90 million estate. Beyoncé, Gwen Stefani and Prince all performed at the shindig, and the Russian mogul's party—along with fetes hosted by Larry Gagosian and Paul Allen—attracted a long list of boldface names to the island, including Jay-Z, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr, Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone, Rachel Zoe, Harvey Weinstein and Georgina Chapman, and Russell Simmons. For her part, Lindsay Lohan spent much of the weekend aboard Abramovich's boat, where she was seen jet-skiing and shopping in a teeny bikini and ginormous wedge heels. She also sent out a rather ominous tweet on New Year's Eve: "Everyone get ready for more (but positive—LOHAN MAYHEM!!!" Sigh. [NYP, People, DM]
• According to Peter Biskind's new biography of Warren Beatty—and some "simple arithmetic" on the part of Biskind—the actor has bedded 12,775 women during his lifetime. Annette Bening must be so proud. [NYP]

• You heard that Charlie Sheen was arrested on Christmas Day for threatening to kill his wife Brooke Mueller with a knife, right? Forget all about it, please. Really. According to Mueller, it was just "one bad night," she and Sheen really "love each other," and they're going to work out all their issues on their own, so she's asked a judge to drop the order of protection that she'd requested last week. Why the sudden turnaround? Rumor has it Sheen's willingness to renegotiate the couple's pre-nup may have encouraged Mueller to change her tune. [NYDN, NYP]
• Sorry, ladies: Rosie O'Donnell is officially off the market: The comedian has confirmed she's dating Tracy Kachtick-Anders, a Texas-based artist and "inventor." And it seems the couple met thanks to Rosie's blog, since Tracy is a regular commenter on the site. Cute! [People, Gawker]
• Susan Sarandon hasn't confirmed that she's dating Jonathan Bricklin, the three-decades-younger ping-pong aficionado who she was first linked to last week. But they were spotted sharing a late-night meal earlier this week. [P6]
• Right-wing blowhard (and longtime prescription drug user) Rush Limbaugh was rushed to a hospital yesterday after complaining of chest pains. [NYP]

As the Sheen-Mueller cycle of violence rounds another bend, we have no choice but to end the year depressingly. Tracy Morgan buys lube, Kate Hudson goes "psycho," Jonases contemplate break-up. Should auld gossip be forgot: Thursday gossip lang syne.

Former tabloid reporter-turned Jon Gosselin love interest Kate Major is helping us with "punchlines," but for her they are just "decisions made by Kate Major." Lawsuit, why not?

Kate Major quit her job at Star after falling in "love" with Octodad Jon Gosselin and living happily ever after for a month or so. But she didn't do it on a whim; she had the world's most comical "contract!"

Kate Major, who quit her Star magazine reporting job after she "fell for" Jon Gosselin and now is very disappointed their love did not flourish: "I have a degree, I'm not some stupid girl." Okay.

• One of Jay-Z's bodyguards was arrested in Croatia yesterday after he got into a scuffle with a local TV reporter armed with a tripod. Video of the encounter is here. [TMZ]
• Heidi Pratt is scheduled to perform at the Miss Universe Pageant this weekend; not surprisingly, she and husband Spencer Pratt haven't exactly been making things easy for organizers of the event. [P6]
• Is it over between Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper? The two didn't attend the party for Zellweger's new movie together and, well, we all know what that means, don't we? [P6]
• Rudy Giuliani wandered into Blue & Cream in East Hampton the other day because he thought the clothing boutique was an ice cream shop. [P6]

Robert Pattinson whines about not getting more hot chicks, Brad Pitt is a joint-rolling artist, Kate Major says boning Jon Gosselin was "amazing," Mariah Carey disses the Grammys, Alicia Silverstone gets naked and David Cook is dating an older woman.

• Kate Moss took notice of those photos of her in St. Tropez last month looking a little worse for the wear. She's supposedly changing up her lifestyle in an effort to "look 10 years younger," and she'll be eating healthier food, drinking less alcohol, and smoking fewer cigarettes from now on. [DM]
• Vogue editrix Anna Wintour was "advised" to leave her trademark sunglasses at home when she turns up as a guest on Dave Letterman's show next week. It was advice she didn't much appreciate, however. [P6]
• Gayle King demoted? Oprah says Jay-Z is her "new best friend." [People]
• Mariah Carey's new album hasn't been beset with problems. The decision to push back the release date, so it's one day too late to qualify for the Grammys? That's because she's fighting back against the system, don't you see? [NYDN]

Madonna regrets breaking up with Guy Ritchie because she's bored schtupping young men. Kate Major's still talking, for some reason, about Jon Gosselin. Leighton Meester went shopping and the SWAT team was called in. Here's your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

• Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore suffered a big scare when the plane they were on was forced to make an emergency landing in Las Vegas shortly after take-off. Fortunately, neither actor was injured and they could return to tweeting within minutes of the incident. [People]
• Leonardo DiCaprio appears to be moving on now that he's no longer with Bar Refaeli: He was seen with SI model Anne Vyalitsyna in Ibiza. [P6]
• Bethenny Frankel was seen in the bathroom of a restaurant with a pregnancy test, so it appears she's looking to reproduce. You've been warned. [P6]

Former Star reporter Kate Major is milking all the publicity she can out of her fling with "great, great guy" Jon Gosselin. She's landed a three night E! interview special so she can dish about their "relationship."

Willingness to get very, very close to your subjects a plus, too. [Mediabistro]

• Cameron Douglas, the son of Michael Douglas, was arrested at the Gansevoort Hotel last week. The crime? He had about $18,000 worth of meth with him, which he was planning to sell. [NYP]
• Mischa Barton's return to the party scene this past weekend wasn't entirely drama-free. She got upset and talked "frantically" as she recounted an episode with a stalker. Then she had a drink spilled on her when she went to a party at the Cooper Square Hotel. [P6]
• So much for Bethenny Frankel's plans to star in her own reality show. She says she'll be back for the third season of Real Housewives of NYC. [People]