• Despite the fact his dad says they're planning a Kabbalah commitment ceremony and he's currently shacking up at her apartment, Jesus Luz tells a Brazilian TV station that Madonna is "just a friend." Also: He really doesn't mind it if you refer to him as her "boy toy." [NYDN]
• Kiefer Sutherland has apologized to Jack McCollough for head-butting him, and charges against the actor are likely to be dropped. Not that he's learned much of a lesson: He was spotted boozing it up on the LES with his daughter in tow last week. [NYP, P6]
• The celebrity crime wave continues: Kevin Bacon had his BlackBerry stolen from him last week. And Monica Bellucci and husband Vincent Cassel had more than a quarter of a million dollars in cash and jewels taken from them while they were attending the Cannes Film Festival. [NYP, DM]
• Mel Gibson has confirmed that he and his Russian musician girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, are expecting. [People, NYDN]
• Mariah Carey spent Memorial Day in Turkey. Why Turkey? Because a hotel paid her $1.5 million to perform, that's why. [P6]

Good Saturday morning! Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen spawning, Keifer Sutherland, Clay Aiken, and Giada De Laurentiis squashing separate (but equal!) beefs, Robert Pattinson gets some Can(nes), and Beyonce sez: "avoid the gym."

Anne Hathaway walking downtown with boyfriend Adam Shulman ... Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel holding hands on the street ... Christian Bale getting out of an SUV in Midtown ... Rihanna leaving a recording studio in Chelsea ... Michelle Williams walking in Brooklyn with mom Carla and daughter Matilda ... Josh Hartnett picking something out of his teeth on a Soho sidewalk ... Eliza Dushku walking in Midtown ... Rick Fox leaving his hotel ... Naomi Watts walking to the set of Fair Game in the meatpacking district ... Simon Baker talking on his cell phone ... Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt sitting in a limo outside their hotel ... and Kiefer Sutherland waving to photographers.

• Agyness Deyn is the new face of Uniqlo. [WWD]
• It seems Zac Posen is producing a scripted television series. And it's all about horses. [NYM]
• Tommy Hilfiger is rumored to be looking for retail space in Union Square; he's checked out the former Circuit City space and the Virgin Megastore, which is closing soon, too. [Real Deal]
• Brooke Shields says she's still stunned by all the Jack McCollough-Kiefer Sutherland media attention. [USAT]
• Leigh Lezark could be Matthew Williamson's new muse. [Fashionista]
• Nanette Lepore opened her second store in New York City today. [NYM]
• Swapping clothes online: now more popular than ever! [WSJ]

Uma Thurman on a school field trip with son Levon and his classmates ... Brooke Shields getting out of a cab with her mom and daughter ... Justin Timberlake going to lunch at Bubby's ... Hugh Jackman jogging to a playground with daughter Ava ... Regis Philbin walking into ABC studios ... Jerry Seinfeld filming a commercial on Long Island ... David Schwimmer and girlfriend Zoe Buckman holding hands in the West Village ... Kelly Bensimon getting in a taxi outside a screening ... Geoffrey Rush walking around in Midtown ... Jennifer Aniston getting out of an SUV ... director Phillip Noyce leaving lunch with his wife and baby ... and Kieifer Sutherland walking in the West Village.

• Brooke Shields can't seem to make up her mind about who's to blame for the Kiefer Sutherland-Jack McCollough incident last week. A few days ago, her reps denied she'd been pushed by Jack. But now she says he did bump into her, and that Kiefer "has always been a gentleman" with her. Go figure. [TMZ, NYDN]
• Madonna took her kids to a Mets game on Mother's Day, which was all part of a plan to make Alex Rodriguez jealous, apparently. Also, the singer/diehard baseball fan sat in Jerry Seinfeld's seats and hung out with the Anderson Cooper the whole time, just so you know. [P6]
• More topless photos of Carrie Prejean have surfaced online. [TMZ]
• Barbara Walters wore the same dress to the Time 100 gala and the White House Correspondents' Dinner. The horror! [TMZ]
• Maya Rudolph and PT Anderson are expecting their second child. [People]

• Eliot and Silda Spitzer made their first public appearance together last night. The couple turned up at the Waldorf for the eighth annual Children's Benefit Gala and were spotted holding hands and making "lovey-dovey looks at each other." Unconditional love is a beautiful thing. [NYDN]
• The stress over the Kiefer Sutherland/Jack McCollough incident must be getting to Brooke Shields: She was spotted looking "upset, overwhelmed and stressed" at the Innocence Project gala on Wednesday night. On a related note, the desk appearance ticket Kiefer received yesterday means he will be a free man until he shows up in court on June 21. [NYDN, NYP]
• Lindsay Lohan's 15-year-old sister Ali has reportedly dropped out of high school so she can party full-time with her big sister. Good work, Dina. [P6]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are expecting girls when their surrogate gives birth in a few weeks. [OK!]

Kiefer Sutherland was in a New York police precinct house for two hours, being charged with assault for headbutting someone at a Met Costume gala after-party. But he has yet to answer to Anna Wintour.

Kiefer Sutherland turned up at the 1st Precinct this afternoon in connection with that little headbutting incident the other night after the Costume Institute Gala. (The actor, who arrived armed with a dangerously pointy umbrella, was charged with misdemeanor assault and issued a desk appearance ticket.) Much more concerning, though, is that he seems to have created a very powerful enemy in the process.

Kiefer Sutherland's headbutt of Jack McCollough may have far-reaching consequences, and not just because Kiefer will probably face assault charges in connection with the incident. The eighth season of 24 is set to begin taping any day now, but if Sutherland has to do time behind bars, that may totally mess up the production schedule! Then again, there's always the possibility that Kiefer could take a cue from the show and figure out a way to solve all of his legal problems—as well as bust a few terrorists and save a few lives—in less than an hour, in which case all will turn out okay. [THR]

• After 16 years of marriage, Stephanie Seymour has filed for divorce from her polo-playing, art-obsessed husband, Peter Brant. And it doesn't sound like he's taking it well: The mogul reportedly changed the locks on the couple's Greenwich mansion, and is now forcing Stephanie to sleep in the maid's quarters and threatening to take custody of their three kids. The good news, at least as far as the public's concerned: From the looks of it, the split could be just as riveting as last summer's Brinkley-Cook saga. [P6]
• Kiefer Sutherland is expected to turn himself in to the NYPD today for headbutting Jack McCollough. The penalties may be stiff, too, considering he's still on probation from a 2007 DUI arrest. [NYP]
• The Malawian father of baby Mercy says he was appalled by what Madonna wore to the Costume Institute gala this week, since she should "feel ashamed in that gear." We couldn't agree more. [MSNBC]
• Lindsay Lohan spent the night at Sam Ronson's house and changed her BlackBerry messenger name to "LL loves Sam Ronson" on Tuesday, which probably means the two are getting back together. [People]

Kiefer Sutherland's going to surrender to New York police to answer an assault complaint after head-butting a designer at SubMercer the other night. This could end in torture for Sutherland's show, 24. Such delightful turnabout!

• Jack McCollough's orange Oakleys couldn't cover up the scratch left behind by Kiefer Sutherland's headbutt the other night, although thankfully the Proenza Schouler co-founder wasn't seriously injuried in the incident. McCollough's rep said today he was the victim of a "vicious, violent, unprovoked assault." And the NYPD seems to agree. Sutherland is expected to be charged with assault tomorrow. [People, NYP]
• You may have thought Azzedine Alaïa was having a lousy week what with the plot by Anna Wintour to snub him at the Costume Institute gala. But he appears to be rebounding nicely. Michelle Obama wore a lovely Alaïa number to the Time magazine party last night. [FWD]
• Speaking of the gala, it raised $2 million less than last year. [WWD]
• Derek Lam's first boutique opens tonight. [Style.com]

Rihanna probably doesn't care that her outfit made people wonder if she's lesbian and Kiefer Sutherand is unrepentant about attacking a designer at SubMercer. But Kirstie Alley is ashamed of her 83 new pounds.

• The drama surrounding fashion's most famous headbutt continues: Kiefer Sutherland says he was "defending the honor" of Brooke Shields by attacking Jack McCollough, since Jack had knocked Brooke over and then failed to apologize. Brooke and Jack, however, say the push never even happened, and Kiefer was running around drunk and "looking for something to smack." The police are now investigating the matter, since apparently there aren't more important crimes to be tackling right now. [TMZ, TMZ, NYDN, P6]
• Anna Wintour and Rihanna were acting like old pals at a Costume Institute afterparty on Monday night, which certainly bodes well for Rihanna's chances of landing a Vogue cover in the future. [NYDN]
• Lindsay Lohan was supposed to chaperone her little sister to a party at LA's Roosevelt Hotel on Monday night, but ended up "getting up close and personal" with ex-boyfriend Jared Leto instead. [E!, P6]
• Casey Johnson, meanwhile, showed up to the same party and was overheard telling a friend that she and Courtenay Semel have broken up, again. [P6]

If you woke up this morning with a hangover after last night's Costume Institute gala, keep in mind that it could have been worse. Proenza Schouler's Jack McCollough (left, with partner Lazaro Hernandez) reportedly spent the night in the hospital after getting headbutted by Kiefer Sutherland during an after-party at SubMercer. No word on exactly what started the fight, although it apparently had something to do with Brooke Shields. We always knew fashion was vicious, but this may be taking it to a whole new level. [GoaG]

Jon Stewart jogging across the street with his son ... Sienna Miller arriving at JFK ... Kiefer Sutherland walking in the West Village with his girlfriend ... Taylor Momsen going to church with her mother and sister ... Katie Lee Joel taking her dog for a walk in the Village ... Michelle Williams pushing daughter Matilda in a stroller ... Sarah Jessica Parker walking in the rain in the West Village with son James ... Hilary Duff and Mariska Hargitay hanging out on the set of Law & Order: SVU ... Sheryl Crow carrying her son Wyatt in a car seat ... and Sean Penn walking around on the set of his new movie Fair Game in Brooklyn.

Whitney Port and (ex-boyfriend!) Jay Lyon walking together in the West Village ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her townhouse with her mail in hand ... Julianne Moore walking along Sixth Avenue with husband Bart Freundlich and their kids ... Liev Schreiber carrying his son and a stroller in the East Village ... Paul McCartney getting out of an SUV on the set of Have You Heard About the Morgans? ... Sean Connery walking on the Upper East Side ... Jennifer Aniston carrying a script on the set of The Baster ... Ozzy Osbourne heading into an interview on Howard Stern's radio show ... and Kiefer Sutherland arriving for dinner at the Waverly Inn.

Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze taking a walk in Brooklyn ... Justin Timberlake playing basketball on a public court downtown ... Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky sitting courtside at a Knicks game at Madison Square Garden ... Julia Roberts leaving her hotel in Midtown ... Helena Christensen walking in the Village ... Beyonce shooting a video in Tribeca ... Meryl Streep reading the Times on the set of her new movie in Brooklyn ... Madonna and Jesus Luz leaving the Kabbalah Center ... Ru Paul walking in the meatpacking district ... Ice-T and Coco leaving a show at Caroline's in Times Square ... Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard arriving at the Classic Stage Company on East 13th Street ... Nelly leaving the Trump International Hotel ... Tim Robbins playing hockey in the Village ... Kiefer Sutherland leaving Kingswood in the West Village with his girlfriend, Siobhan Bonnouvrier ... Naomi Watts carrying her new baby in the meatpacking district ... and Tyra Banks leaving the Waverly Inn.

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] Feb. 4 @ 12:30pm Eating at Trattoria Dell'Arte and in walks Jack Bauer to save the day.