If you thought teen millionaire Kylie Jenner voiced her unabashed support for the Black Lives Matter movement on Instagram today, you thought wrong, my friend. “Btw.. This is fake,” Kylie clarified on Twitter this afternoon. Also:
Earlier this week, TMZ reported on the strange case of a 17-year-old girl who claimed that the youngest and most popular Kardashian, Kylie Jenner, had been stalking and harassing her, and even staged a car accident in an attempt to kill her. The teen went as far as filing a temporary restraining order against Kylie and signing to affirm her allegations are true.
“Where’s Kylie?” asked the sundrunk and just drunkdrunk shirtless man wandering around the inside of the open-air club. “I wanna ram her ass!”
This is going to be really upsetting to read, but: Kylie Jenner, the 17-year-old sister of Kim Kardashian, has been banned from a club. Why? Because she was trying to enter said club without legal identification proving that she is 21 years or older. Somebody get this girl a fake ID! Let Kylie party, jesus!!!
A nice lesson for teenage Kardashian daughters Kendall and Kylie Jenner might be that it's fun to explore your passions without consideration for subsequent monetary gain. Perhaps that's the takeaway from the news that the teens' dystopian sci-fi novel, Rebels: City of Indra, sold approximately 0 copies.
Keeping Up With the Kardashians: Deep Space Nine stars Kendall and Kylie Jenner have been making talk show appearances all week to promote their new dystopian science fiction novel, Rebels: City of Indra. Wait a minute, Kendall "The Worst Reader, You Guys" Jenner wrote a dystopian science fiction novel?
Teens. Always rolling their eyes and making magical pyramids out of fiberglass resin, crystals, and metal shavings in an effort to protect themselves from the negative energies emitted by cell towers. A tale as old as time (itself a construct invented by humans unable to comprehend the concept of eternity).
Children: scaled-down versions of adults with shriller voices and less expensive jewelry. Their bodies are going through a lot of strange changes and they're starting to feel all different types of ways about friends..and enemies. Sometimes the boys trip over their too-big feet and land square in the arms of a girl who is a little bit taller than them (but won't be for long). When this happens, a love connection is made.
Hark! Ye harbingers of consumer doom, the Kardashians, have released their 2011 Christmas card. Whereas last year's yuletide feat of airbrushed uncanny put viewers in a trance state, this year's card will make you go, "A-woooo-gah!" while pumping 3-D glasses back and forth in the airspace in front of your face. (Like so.) This year's KardashiKard comes three dimensions, you see. [Image via Kourtney Kardashian]
Royal horror: Pippa Middle got into an upskirt photo situation at London Fashion Week. Now, the simplest way to avoid an upskirt photograph is to wear longer skirts or pants. (Or live in a world with civility. Hah! Right.) Unfortunately, starlets live in a world where the skirts are short, the cars are fancy and difficult to climb out of, and cameras are everywhere. Consequently, starlets' vaginas are in perpetual peril. How do they deal with this? Now presenting the Seven Highly Effective Habits of Starlets With Cameras Pointed Up Their Skirts.
Because nobody should be forced to endure an entire 30 minutes of America's most overexposed family every Sunday night, I'll be watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians for you and reporting back with a clip of each episode's most cringeworthy 15 or so seconds.
Britney and Jamie Lynn give thanks for french fries. "Kim Kardashian is dead," but it's only a publicity stunt. Portia de Rossi walks all over Ricky Martin. Monday gossip is sick of leftover turkey.
