Leonardo DiCaprio may have emerged mostly empty-handed from awards season, but it's difficult to feel sorry for the notorious supermodel collector, who's rarely spotted without some kind of trophy in his hand. Things have gotten off to a not-so-great start on a trip to Israel, the homeland of the actor's girlfriend, model Bar Refaeli. The trouble started when they realized their secret flight into town was packed with Israeli entertainment journalists; shockingly, word of their arrival soon got out, and the couple has since been besieged by what can only be referred to as LeoBarMania!:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in immediately: Today might be your last day on Earth, and you don't want to move on to the Next Life with lingering regrets! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw the Canter's cashier inspecting a taut-faced Tim Allen's possibly counterfeit currency:

· The Departed's freshly minted Oscar-winning duo of Martin Scorsese and William Monahan are already reteaming for another project, the "rock n' roll epic" The Long Play for Paramount. Of course, now that Scorsese's got his statue he can totally mail it in on this one. [Variety]
· More Departed reunions: William Monahan and Leo DiCaprio are getting back together for a remake of the Hong Kong thriller Confessions of Pain for Warner Bros. [THR]
· Paul Haggis' The Black Donnellys underwhelms with its premiere performance in Studio 60's former Monday night timeslot, a result the show's producers can easily blame on Aaron Sorkin's permanent tainting of the 10pm hour. [Variety]
· Pilot casting round-up: Carrie-Anne Moss in ABC drama Suspect; Marisa Janet Winokur in CBS comedy Fugly; William Baldwin in ABC drama Dirty Sexy Money; Christopher Titus in an untitled ABC Jon Feldman project; Swoosie Kurtz in ABC drama Pushing Daisies. [THR]
· Save the date! The Screen Actors Guild stakes out January 27th for next year's installment of its Saggie Awards. [Variety]

The Defamer Special Correspondent On Oscar Parties Which Began After We Were Already Passed Out And Didn't End By The Time We Regained Consciousness This Morning, after somehow surviving the horrors of a Foxx-Whitaker sandwich, has just filed this report from last night's after-orgy at Soho House's temporary outpost in the Hills, where virtually everyone in Hollywood put in an appearance (Scorsese! Leo! Sober Lohan!) at some time point during the night. The list of names far too numerous to render in boldface follows:

· Leonardo DiCaprio is looking to produce and star in a feature about the story of Enron's collapse for Warner Bros., based on the book Conspiracy of Fools. Think The Insider, but with a prettier lead and shady accounting practices instead of cigarettes. [Variety]
· China is getting a local version of Access Hollywood, which will reportedly contain a 70/30 ratio of Chinese to American entertainment news, a split that should be more than be sufficient to completely erode the indigenous culture within mere months. [THR]
· Chick flicks with the word "devil" in the title are totally hott! Jennifer Garner will produce and possibly star in the comedy Devil in the Junior League for Universal. [Variety]
· Sony Pictures TV Int'l. blows minds by acquiring the rights to sci-fi drama Afterworld on all platforms current and future, real and as-yet-imagined. [THR]
· As noted yesterday, Comedy Central picks up a second season of The Sarah Silverman Program, rewarding the show's high-rated celebration of vaginal flatulence. [Variety]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you witnessed Ryan O'Neal's last carefree moments at Mastro's before...the incident.

· Oscar rules might not be able to literally pit Leo vs. Leo like at the Globes, but that doesn't mean he can't face off against himself in the trades: Warner Bros. has been using a picture of the actor in their The Departed FYC ads extremely similar to the one they're using in their Blood Diamond Best Actor campaign. Will the confusion benefit everyone, or will Academy members, brainwashed by repetitive Leo conditioning, award DiCaprio every available Oscar, including Animated Short, Sound Design, and Best Picture? [The Carpetbagger]
· But how did it play in Leeds and Humberside? U.K.'s regional film journalists name Pan's Labyrinth their film of the year, with Helen Mirren and Forest Whitaker picking up the top acting awards, and Abigail Breslin being named "newcomer of the year." [Variety]
· Everyone involved in the Oscars telecast showed up for the annual production meeting powwow, including 16-year gag-writing vet Bruce Vilanch, who bragged that he can bang out an entire show's worth of one-liners in a night, simply by transcribing the top two drawers of his novelty T-shirt collection. [AP]

While last year's Newsweek Oscar director roundtable featured George Clooney's shocking reminder about the heavy-handed skeleton lurking in his sitcom-acting closet, this year's thespian-centric discussion contains the equally surprising admission that fans of Babel's Brad Pitt have the exotic dancing profession to thank (or to blame) for his career:

With no Golden Globes story line as compelling as last year's tension over whether or not the Hollywood Foreign Press Association would pit Heath Ledger's mumble-mouthed rancher against Jake Gyllenhaal's dreamy-eyed-yet-mercurial cowpoke (or, more accurately, "sheep-poke") bottom, we suppose we'll have to settle for the one you're going to be reading about all day: the double nominations of Clint Eastwood in the directing category (for both of his World War II movies) and Leonardo DiCaprio's dual Best Actor nods for The Departed and Blood Diamond. For those so inclined, squeezing one's eyes shut and imagining the steamy Leo-on-Leo action of DiCaprio's Boston cop and South African smuggler wrestling over the gilded Globe statue while grunting in passable Southie and Afrikaner accents might fill the erotic void left by the celebrated gay cowboys. In other multiple nominations news, Helen Mirren was recognized for playing both Elizabeth I in a TV miniseries and Elizabeth II in The Queen, an achievement that we genuinely hope you won't use to concoct transgressive, cross-generational fantasies that sully the monarchy. Leave the queens alone, sicky.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let the world know about the time you couldn't help but notice Derek Jeter appreciating the aesthetically pleasing contours of Jessica Biel's ass during a visit to the Getty.

While many people probably assume that Hollywood is a magical, environmentally friendly Utopia where actors pull up to the fully biodegradable green carpets at their movie premieres in vehicles specially retrofitted to produce all-rainbow emissions, a UCLA study has found that the entertainment industry trails only petroleum manufacturing in terms of disgorging unfiltered, New Ice Age-beckoning, Al-Gore-sterilizing evil into the air of Los Angeles:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, which we try to post several times per week—so be sure to send them in as often as possible. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let the everyone know about the time you spotted Dustin "Dirty Sanchez" Diamond putting Prius-riding pussies to shame by lugging his bicycle onto the LA Metro.

Unfortunately, not every visit to Africa by the entertainment industry's goodwill ambassadors results in a Hollywood-quality happy ending like the one still being written about Madonna's selfless semi-orphan acquisition (much more on that shortly). Today's Page Six reports on Warner Bros.' promise to provide the 27 teenage and child amputees they used for atrocity-verisimilitude purposes during the filming of Blood Diamond with prosthetic limbs, a pledge that the studio apparently still hasn't fulfilled since shooting ended back in June:

• Behold the glory of over 1.5 pounds of marijuana and 3+ ounces of shrooms, courtesy of Willie Nelson, America's beloved, fucked-up grandpa. [Blooming Ideas]
• Desperate Housewives creator puts a ban on cast pregnancies, threatening mandatory hysterectomies for anyone suspected of procreating. [Us Weekly]
• Lloyd Grove thinks Cindy Crawford's five-year-old daughter is smoking. [Lowdown]
• Remarkably, Nicole Richie lives to see the age of 25. [TMZ]
• Leonardo DiCaprio's looking to buy his brmother a condo larger than 1,400-square feet. Growing up in someone's shadow has its perks. [Page Six]
• Spencer Tracy and Katherin Hepburn swung both ways, and this concludes your 1943 gossip roundup. [R&M]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so start sending them in more often! Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time Tony Danza demonstrated the classy way to be a shitfaced celebrity at a Malibu bar.

• If there were a lesbian tryst that no one in the world would ever want to imagine, it'd involve the ladies of The View. Nevertheless, they'll push the issue while they can, as once Rosie O'Donnell shows up as resident bulldyke, the lesbo jokes will have to stop. God forbid O'Donnell took them seriously on the matter. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• But if Rosie wants a shot at Oprah, why not? The lady doth protest too much on the matter of Gayle King, after all. [TMZ]
• Leonardo DiCaprio helps the cripples see Madonna. As your heart melts, allow us to salute his publicist Ken Sunshine for this impeccable placement. Flawless execution! Bravo! [Page Six]
• If you look like crap, rest assured that Kirsten Dunst will let you know. Even if you're a complete stranger. [R&M (bottom of page)]
• Miss Puerto Rico Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza faints 40 minutes after being crowned Miss Universe. Doctors blame her tight dress and heavy, calcified breasts. [Us Weekly]
• So Linda Evangelista may have been artificially inseminated — honestly, who the hell cares? It's 2006, find us a pregnancy that didn't involve a petri dish. [Page Six]
• In its own review of Tabloid Wars, the News just can't resist poking at former-stringer Hud Morgan. [NYDN]

ABCNews.com delivers on the serious, journalistic excellence their name implies with a fascinating slideshow, entitled "Bloated Stars: Vince, Luke & Leo." The gallery provides an array of pre- and post-bloat portraiture of some of Hollywood's biggest male stars (with a couple lower-rung Baldwins thrown in for filler). And while we're almost certain there's an undiscovered scientific principal to be deduced here directly relating the size of an actor's head to his asking price, we're too convinced that Stephen Baldwin's creepy "after" picture just gave us the born-again evil-eye to really do anything beyond shiver under our desks at the moment.

· Because Warner Bros. knows that a new generation of moviegoers should get the chance to hear a newer, hipper marble-mouthed muscleman declare the purpose of his life is "to crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and to hear the lamentation of the women," they've charged Boaz Yakin with writing and directing a remake of Conan the Barbarian. We get the feeling Vin Diesel's phone is going ring any minute now. [Variety]
· Nielsen Media Research has pledged to start tracking programming viewership on cell phones, iPods, or whatever future platform people might use for their Deal or No Deal fix. [THR]
· Paramount and Steven Spielberg are developing a sci-fi movie for Spielberg to direct, concerning" a group of explorers who travel through a worm hole and into another dimension," a plot idea apparently not adequately addressed by scores of Star Trek episodes spanning several different series and four decades. [Variety]
· Pretty boy shingle fight! Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt's respective production entities leg-wrestle for the rights to the Max Brooks zombie book World War Z, but in the end, Pitt's team's superior lower-body strength triumphs. [THR]
· Comedy Central will finally air the "Lost Episodes" of Chappelle's Show as part of a new block of original programming on Sunday nights, perhaps signalling that they've finally given up all hope of getting Dave Chappelle to honor his contract. [Variety]

· Forget about that Jesus guy, He-Man and She-Ra are the central characters in the greatest Christmas story ever told. [via cityrag]
· Perhaps the worst thing about not having an indispensable mass transit system is missing out on all the wildcat strike sex.
· Garish neckbrace model Brooke Burns is now an outspoken advocate of the buddy system.
· Elton John was genuinely enjoying his "joint stag party" with partner David Furnish, but no matter how much he tried to think about their upcoming civil union ceremony, his thoughts were filled with Bruno.
· If you were worried that Leo DiCaprio was going to have a hard time rebounding from Gisele, you can put your mind at ease. He seems to be doing just fine.

· The LAT gives some front-page Calendar section love to "Peggy Archer," the pseudonymous set-dwelling. lighting-tech troublemaker behind the Totally Unauthorized blog, one of our favorites.
· "Listen here, Mr. Dreamy Eyes, I don't care if Heath didn't brush his teeth this morning. Plug your nose and kiss that cowboy like your life depends on it! I'm gonna get that Oscar nomination even if it makes your damn lips fall off."
· "'I went through some very lonely times,' the King Kong star said while promoting the movie. 'I spent a lot of time in my car crying my eyes out. One night, I drove along thinking, maybe I’ll take a left here, over the cliff, because I can’t take it any more.'” Then Naomi Watts remembered that was just a scene from Mulholland Drive, not her real life, and everything was fine again.
· Kirsten Dunst turned out for Saturday's USC-UCLA massacre.
· Leonardo DiCaprio produces a film about global warming, finally attains the coveted media honorific "actor-activist."