Is this... it? The heralded jewelry store surveillance tape that either nails LiLo to the ground as a thief, or proves her innocence? Because all I see is proof that helicopter camera angles do wonders for LiLo's cleavage.

• The Venice Beach jewelry store at the center of Lindsay Lohan's necklace theft case has sold the surveillance tape that purportedly shows Lilo stealing the $2,500 necklace. This will likely screw up the trial, but Entertainment Tonight's going to play the video on Monday anyway. They've already released a few teaser stills, where Lindsay is seen trying on stuff at the jewelry store. According to the video's official website (yes, it exists) "The tapes speak for themselves." Are theft tapes the new sex tapes? [Radar]

Those who were fortunate enough to miss the muddled snoozefest that was Charlie Sheen's Ustream webcast tonight already have a better option: Duh! Winning!, aka SNL's version of a Sheen talk show. Look, it's Miley Cyrus as Lindsay Lohan!

• David Arquette was involved in a head-on collision in LA and suffered a minor injured. Thank god someone was there with a cellphone camera to capture him sprawled on the ground seconds after the crash, then immediately send the picture to TMZ. "David is lying on the ground right now—bleeding" wrote TMZ. You can always count on good samaritans. Anyway, Arquette later tweeted "I'm fine," so we don't have to have a national convulsion over the fact that millions of people gawked at his tragedy while eating their Chipotle on lunch break. (PS: WEAR YOUR SEATBELT.) [TMZ, TMZ]

Penelope Cruz is perhaps not a fan of her brother's new girlfriend. Charlie Sheen may be in contempt of court. Zac Efron might have caressed a gentleman caller's hand. Friday gossip lacks certainty, but makes up for it with dirt.

Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend got sloshed, then arrested, last night. An actress names her children "Ptolemy" and "Winter." Leonardo DiCaprio trades "tender" kisses with a man. Tuesday gossip spent the night in a drunk tank.

Charlie Sheen goes on a "private adult vacation" with a porn star, a stoner sex kitten, and his ex. Lindsay Lohan considers a plea deal requiring six months of jail time. Hugh Hefner sets a date for his wedding to a 24-year-old. Thursday gossip harshes the mellow.

In a cleavage-baring top and chunky jewelry, Lindsay Lohan reported to court today court for the grand theft of a $2000 necklace. Per usual, the appearance was livestreamed on TMZ. The judge announced that if Lindsay Lohan accepts a plea bargain—as her lawyer has said she'd like to do—it will have to include jail time. "If you plead in front of me, you are going to jail, period. If the case settles here, you will go to jail," Judge Keith Schwartz said. Worrying about whether the ruined starlet would become a "repeat offender," he asked for "additional psychological information" and made his lack of interest in LiLo's celebrity clear:

"Terrified" Dianna Agron flees ex-boyfriend and co-star Alex Pettyfer. Lindsay Lohan heads back to court. Eva Mendes naked pictures stolen! Charlie Sheen parties with porn stars on a yacht. Come and get your Wednesday gossip.

The brainiac renegade from Southern royalty is back in a big(ish) leading role. Also today: lots of TV pilot casting news, as it is the season for that, plus a rumor about the upcoming Superman movie that will have you banging a tin cup on the table in excitement.

The royal wedding invitation is here! Kim Kardashian licks her boyfriend's tongue in public. Lindsay Lohan's parents battle for her in the tabloids. Old pictures of JWoww making out with a girl. Sunday Gossip Roundup is here.

Lindsay Lohan was turned away from a party. A Matt Damon impostor. Lady Gaga's "drunk diet." Welcome to Saturday Gossip Roundup.

A man says he stole Paris Hilton's fancy birthday cake, and offers photographic proof. Lindsay Lohan goes clubbing, then home with Samantha Ronson. Ashlee Simpson parties until sunrise with sk8er bois. TGIFriday gossip.

Dave took time to address the announcement that Lindsay would read the show's Top 10 List this week, saying "It turns out we were duped, and I have no one to blame but myself and boy my face is red."

Paris Hilton's birthday gift cost more than your house. Charlie Sheen lectures Lindsay Lohan on "impulse control." Jessica Alba is pregnant again. Thursday gossip likes the cars that go boom.

Producers at Late Night with David Letterman got a call from a "friend" of Lindsay Lohan and booked her to appear on the show on Thursday through this intermediary. Too bad the "friend" was a fake and LiLo won't be on after all.

Billy Ray Cyrus says "there's no doubt" his family is under attack from Satan. LiLo spent Valentine's Day with SamRo. January Jones only feels safe when photographers are near. Tuesday gossip sins.

Kim Kardashian deploys a team of tailors to sew her butt into her dress. Eva Longoria's new boyfriend has an "Eva" tattoo. Charlie Sheen passes two drug tests. Prince Harry will be Prince William's best man. Monday gossip busts out.

Ke$ha's glitter-squirting vagina has crossover porn appeal. LiLo seeks no-jail plea deal. John Travolta gets a male waiter's phone number. Prince snubs Diddy. Britney Spears dreams of "running with lions." TGIFriday gossip.

The white "Glavis" dress that Lindsay Lohan wore for her latest court date yesterday (yes, the one that looked like a doily that shrunk in the crotch) was so popular that it is completely sold out, according to designer Kimberly Ovitz. Let's see if she'll have the same effect on orange jump suits in a month.