Remind us not to get in a fight with E-Trade: The company is responding to a defamation suit from Lindsay Lohan with a hundred-page document "detailing Lohan's drug abuse, brawls and DWI busts," just to prove she lives in California.

Will Lindsay playing a porn star destroy her career (more?). Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz are no longer fighting, physically or emotionally. Mel Gibson may have had sex with a porn producer. Sunday's gossip roundup is strangely porn-y.

It's how she celebrated the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Charlie Sheen's wife owns a sex swing. Kristen Stewart says she's not sulky. Meet LiLo's new best friend: Her 300-lb bodyguard. TGIFriday gossip.

Grindhouse director Robert Rodriguez apparently put together an early trailer for star-studded Mexploitation film Machete as a "Cinco de Mayo message for Arizona," featuring the likes of Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, and Danny Trejo fighting violently to protect illegal immigrants from racist politicians.

You know like become. She's playing one in a movie. Also today: Jane Fonda will be playing herself, the zombie TV show casts another actor, Tony Danza is becoming a high school English teacher, and Twilight newz.

Wintour goes nuclear on the dancefloor. Halle Berry calls her soon-to-be ex a "loser." Charlie Sheen hands over custody. Ke$ha ruins a bat mitzvah. Tiger Woods' butt sweats. Wednesday's gossip roundup likes to party.

She knew they were related when he called himself P@t the R@t. Sienna and Jude are officially back together. Sandra's baby sells more magazines than Angelina's. Tuesday gossip is symbolic.

[Lindsay Lohan ambles down the street outside Café Habana on Elizabeth Street yesterday. Photo via Bauer Griffin]

Three days ago, a widely-reported story emerged that Michael Lohan had posted to Twitter that Lindsay was HIV-positive. Michael said it was a hacker. Lindsay said it was her dad. Nobody realized that the hack itself was a fake.

She violated her DUI probation, but her lawyer says she'll be fine. And check out these gory photos she took. Kardashian says she doesn't smell like a burrito. Clooney didn't know he was harboring an arsenal of explosives. TGIFriday gossip.

How do Hollywood producers know when stars are "bankable"? They rely on a celebrity's Q rating, which tracks how positively or negatively the American public feels about that person.

After her jihad against fish sticks, she waged war on photographers angling for a Kate Hudson upskirt. Paris Hilton has a dancefloor fun-off. Lady Gaga does not subsist on baby food. Is Julia Roberts jealous of Sandra? Thursday gossip ahoy!

She's divorcing Jesse and will raise the baby alone. Larry King is a swinger. Lindsay blames a tawdry lie on her dad, who blames Perez Hilton. Courtney Love says Gavin cheated on Gwen with her. Wednesday's gossip cometh.

Tonight, Michael Lohan and his lawyer came on The Joy Behar Show to discuss his daughter, Lindsay. As the interview wore on, Lohan's lawyer became more and more aggravated by Behar's questioning until she finally called out Behar. Video inside.

It involves a violent Samantha Ronson confrontation. Sandra Bullock gets a mistress apology. Marc Jacobs breaks up with his boytoy. Bret Michael remains in the ICU. Mariah isn't preggers. Monday's gossip roundup has all the answers.

Charlie Sheen was just like, "Screw it, I'm moving in with my hooker." Lindsay Lohan is no longer marketable. Britney Spears' nipples cause consternation. Jon Gosselin would like to sell you a car. Saturday's Gossip roundup is learning the ropes.

Cops visit Lindsay for two reasons in two days. Mariah Carey gains 57 lbs. Chace Crawford finds love in the time of volcanic eruption. Michelle Rodriguez's coming out party is saved. TGIFriday gossip roundup.

Michael Lohan says he took cops to Lindsay's house on Thursday to check on Ali. Dina Lohan says Michael didn't even recognize Ali. Lindsay Lohan says her father is "the devil's advocate," whatever that means. Who do we believe?

He was only using her for her fame. Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt have a flirt-off. Ashton and Demi party with New York's Foursquare fanatics. Sandra Bullock pulls a Tiger Woods. Tuesday's gossip roundup checks in and out.

If the befreckled freeway accident is, in fact, in such serious debt, we wonder what she possibly could have spent all the money on. Let's speculate, shall we?