Some people feel very, very passionately about very, very weird things. A fan of Lindsay Lohan put together this little video of the top twenty reasons to follow Lindsay Lohan's twitter account. Did "public emotional breakdowns" make the cut?

Even though you had the week between Christmas and New Year's off doesn't mean celebs stopped living their lives and the world stopped reporting on it. Here is a catch-up for all you missed while away from the Internet.

• Is Tiger Woods in New York right now? Did he settle with his estranged wife by handing her a check for $300 million? In two pretty dubious stories now making the rounds, a friend of Elin Nordegren says Woods' scorned wife—who spent the holiday weekend at a French ski resort—has been telling pals she got a $300 million gift for Christmas from her estranged husband. Meanwhile, rumors also surfaced that Woods was spending the weekend holed up at New York's Trump International Hotel, where he ordered huge amounts of Red Bull and vodka and was accompanied by a "leggy blond." Alas, the paparazzi camped out outside the hotel never caught a glimpse of him and the hotel staff denied Woods was ever there. [NYDN, NYP]
• Down in St. Barts, Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich made it rain by hosting a $5 million New Year's Eve party at his $90 million estate. Beyoncé, Gwen Stefani and Prince all performed at the shindig, and the Russian mogul's party—along with fetes hosted by Larry Gagosian and Paul Allen—attracted a long list of boldface names to the island, including Jay-Z, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr, Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone, Rachel Zoe, Harvey Weinstein and Georgina Chapman, and Russell Simmons. For her part, Lindsay Lohan spent much of the weekend aboard Abramovich's boat, where she was seen jet-skiing and shopping in a teeny bikini and ginormous wedge heels. She also sent out a rather ominous tweet on New Year's Eve: "Everyone get ready for more (but positive—LOHAN MAYHEM!!!" Sigh. [NYP, People, DM]
• According to Peter Biskind's new biography of Warren Beatty—and some "simple arithmetic" on the part of Biskind—the actor has bedded 12,775 women during his lifetime. Annette Bening must be so proud. [NYP]

A 72-year-old man decries his last chance to be baller. An update on Paris Hilton's sex life involves swine. Another posthumous Jacko release, and it's terrible. Tiger gives Elin $300M, and she laughs in his face. Monday gossip cometh.

Rachel Sklar, Mediaite's executive editor and resident Lady Gaga Penis Conspiracy-debunker, might've found her Watergate. She's making unconfirmed, shaky, but fascinating arguments for Beyonce playing a New Year's Eve show for Lindsay Lohan AND Libyan leader Muammar al-Gaddafi's kid.

Uber-rich playplace Saint Barthélemy suffers from the unbearable lightness of too much fabulous; Gloria Allred aims at Shaq; Mike Tyson won't be charged for beating a paparazzo; Michelle beats Barack at tennis. New year, new gossip.

• You heard that Charlie Sheen was arrested on Christmas Day for threatening to kill his wife Brooke Mueller with a knife, right? Forget all about it, please. Really. According to Mueller, it was just "one bad night," she and Sheen really "love each other," and they're going to work out all their issues on their own, so she's asked a judge to drop the order of protection that she'd requested last week. Why the sudden turnaround? Rumor has it Sheen's willingness to renegotiate the couple's pre-nup may have encouraged Mueller to change her tune. [NYDN, NYP]
• Sorry, ladies: Rosie O'Donnell is officially off the market: The comedian has confirmed she's dating Tracy Kachtick-Anders, a Texas-based artist and "inventor." And it seems the couple met thanks to Rosie's blog, since Tracy is a regular commenter on the site. Cute! [People, Gawker]
• Susan Sarandon hasn't confirmed that she's dating Jonathan Bricklin, the three-decades-younger ping-pong aficionado who she was first linked to last week. But they were spotted sharing a late-night meal earlier this week. [P6]
• Right-wing blowhard (and longtime prescription drug user) Rush Limbaugh was rushed to a hospital yesterday after complaining of chest pains. [NYP]

Lindsay Lohan shopping at Intermix on Prince Street yesterday afternoon with her sister Ali (and causing a bit of a scene in the process) ... Angelina Jolie talking on her cell phone during a break from filming Salt ... Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz walking in Midtown with son Bronx ... former NFL player/coach Tony Dungy walking in Central Park on Sunday ... Scarlett Johansson signing autographs after a performance of A View From The Bridge at the Cort Theatre ... Jonah Hill walking up Broadway ... Tim Robbins watching a Rangers game with his son last week ... and Eva Longoria cheering on her husband at the Knicks-Spurs game at Madison Square Garden on Sunday night.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt picking up a few things for the kids from a street vendor on Park Avenue ... Lindsay Lohan leaving Century 21 with an armful of bags last week, and sitting in the stands at a Rangers game at Madison Square Garden on Saturday ... Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick carrying their twin daughters in the West Village ... Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz shopping at the Union Square Greenmarket on Thursday and leaving their apartment on Saturday ... Liam Neeson walking his dog in Millbrook, New York ...and Natalie Portman going into a building late last week with her dog, Charlie.

• Robert "Joe" Halderman, David Letterman's alleged extortionist, may be close to taking a plea deal. Halderman has reportedly offered to accept a one-year prison sentence in exchange for pleading guilty, although his lawyer is denying it, and any deal probably won't be finalized until incoming Manhattan DA Cyrus Vance Jr. takes office in January. [NYP]
• Charlie Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller say they're heading to counseling following Friday's arrest of Sheen on domestic violence charges. (He allegedly threatened Mueller with a knife and told her he was going to kill her.) Sheen, who was released on bond on Christmas night, also says he plans to enroll in "anger management counseling," since he's hoping to keep the marriage together. Rest assured, though, that somewhere Denise Richards is screaming, "I told you so!" [TMZ, NYDN]
• Ivana Trump was booted off a flight from Palm Beach to New York over the weekend after she cursed out a group of rowdy kids on the plane and then lashed out at several flight attendants. [P6, MSNBC]

Sometimes, a good paparazzi shot makes us stop thinking about rumors and start thinking about whether big eyeglasses are passé, yet. Lindsay has a new beau, her dad has a new excuse, Gosselin's ex thinks someone is framing her. Gossip!

Lindsay Lohan eating dinner last night at Cipriani Downtown with a group of friends (one of whom was hotelier Jason Pomeranc, left) ... Reese Witherspoon taking in "a business lunch with friends" at Cookshop on Tenth Avenue ... Jessica Simpson shopping with her mom ... American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi carrying gifts in Midtown ... Alexa Ray Joel posing for a pic outside The American Hotel in Sag Harbor alongside her mom, Christie Brinkley, and grandmother ... Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard wearing hard hats for Tuesday's dedication ceremony for the Signature Theatre Company's new Signature Center ... Catherine Zeta-Jones arriving at the Walter Kerr Theater on West 48th Street ... and Sarah Jessica Parker walking with Matthew Broderick in the West Village yesterday.

• Brittany Murphy's funeral has been scheduled for tomorrow, Christmas Eve. In other Brittany news, her super-sketchy husband Simon Monjack, who indicated initially that he didn't want an autopsy to be performed on Murphy, now says he wants to know exactly what caused her death, although he also says he's sure it didn't have anything to do with her having a drug problem or eating disorder of any kind; the coroner in LA is completely baffled how information about Murphy's giant cache of prescription drugs made its way to TMZ and says he's planning a full investigation; and in what may be the most twisted development of the day, it seems Murphy's LA home has already been added to a "Haunted Hollywood" tour.
• Poor Mischa Barton. She showed up at the Whole Foods in Soho with her Shih-Pom, Ziggy, and was then informed that the store doesn't permit dogs inside, even those that happen to belong to semi-famous people. [NYDN]
• Steven Tyler of Aerosmith says he's been addicted to painkillers for years and is now heading to rehab. [People]

Martha Stewart prepared for a shocking quantity of egg nog; Lindsay Lohan got into a race thing; and Sara Gilbert reveled in old media. The Twitterati overindulged on tradition.

Before blossoming into the captivating pseudo-lesbian we know today, Lindsay Lohan co-starred with Tyra Banks in the ABC original movie Life-Size, in which she animates a doll (Tyra), with witchcraft to ease the hardship of her parents' divorce. Plus: sing-alongs!

It's been two months since Emanuel Ungaro CEO Mounir Moufarrige made the worst decision of his career and hired a young woman by the name of Lindsay Lohan as the struggling fashion house's "artistic adviser." And now he's out the door. Moufarrige stepped down as CEO today, and while Lohan still has a job for the time being, that may very well change in the near future. Then again, that would only leave her more time to save the universe, so things should work out okay either way. [AP]

• A "bone-thin" Elin Nordegren moved a big bunch of belongings out of the Florida mansion she shares (shared?) with Tiger Woods yesterday; she's supposedly headed "somewhere warm" for Christmas. As for Tiger, it seems he's going to spend Christmas with "the boys." Maybe Rachel Uchitel will stop by for a visit? According to tabloid reports, Tiger is still in contact with Mistress No. 1, and is hoping to squeeze a little time to get together. [NYP, NYDN, People, Us]
• Lindsay Lohan may have to put off any more trips to rescue exploited children living in Third World countries. A judge has ordered her to start attending her alcohol education program classes "every single week" because, well, "it's been long enough." [Us]
• Why did Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson break up? According to a highly dubious story that one of the slugger's pals has been telling the tabloids, it was because Hudson wanted to be on camera when she sat in the stands at Yankee Stadium, whereas A-Rod really wanted someone "more interested in building a long-term relationship than just building their profile." [Us]
• As for Hudson, she's dealing with the split from A-Rod by spending some quality time with her movie star parents, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Goldie turned up as Kate's date to the Nine premiere last night. [HL, DM]

• Remember last week when Lindsay Lohan announced that she'd "saved" a bunch of kids in India from becoming victims of child trafficking? Yea, well, it seems she wasn't even in the country yet when that happened, at least according to according to a leading social activist in New Delhi, who has since filed a complaint with the BBC, which was filming Lohan's efforts for a documentary. In any event, LiLo must be totally, like, spent from saving the world: She returned to the U.S over the weekend after spending less than a week there. [Telegraph, People]
• In other LiLo news, the Lohan family website is now selling some of her secondhand clothes. If you'd like to buy Lindsay's hideous wardrobe from back in her Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen days, you're in luck. [P6]
• The New York Post has added an esteemed new columnist to its roster! Ashley Dupre is the paper's new love, sex, and relationship columnist. In her first column, Dupre answers questions about a rebellious teen, how to tell if one's husband is unhappy, whether or not to share your "number," and also offers up some Christmas gift ideas. There's even a video to go with it in which Dupre is dressed up like a naughty schoolgirl. [NYP]

LiLo lied about saving those kids in India, almost as embarrassing as Dina Lohan truly out-leeching herself. Tiger Woods and Rachel Uchitel are in Palm Beach, separately. Michelle Rodriguez talks vaginas and lesbian sex tapes. Monday gossip, locked and loaded.

BigLips Lohan's claim of rescuing Indian children? Notsomuch. A Christmas tree at Hotel Griffou takes one for the team. Kardashians: God hates you. Halle Berry's still hot. And #servicey! Patti Smith: hotness. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup.