As we’ve learned on our first few voyages into the Living Lohan household, where Dina Lohan knows best and familial ties do not exempt you from abiding by her all-knowing wrath, the multi-tasking Momager extraordinaire proved her managerial skills outstandingly in last night’s episode. The Other Lohan, the surfer-haired preteen brother whose dismal fate has been shoved to the side the more worried and concerned we become following rising rap star Ali’s increasingly deafening fits of rage, had his first shot at some real camera time during this episode. And despite Dina’s obvious disinterest in her son’s career prospects (that is, until he hits puberty and his marketing appeal among tweenybop girls increases exponentially), the queen of the house does find time to throw cash at the problem. Low-prioritized Cody-centric tasks include hiring a token age-equivalent friend, halfheartedly attempting to include him in yet another Ali photo spread, and feigning concern for all three moneymakers children during whiny, crocodile tear-filled cries for help aimed at Tough Love Lohan grandmatriarch, Ann Sullivan. Our picks for Dina’s three most inspiring parenting lessons from last evening’s half-hour are:

[Actress Lindsay Lohan on a film set today; image via Splash]

Naturally we couldn't ignore a blind item involving our favorite celebrity trend of the season, lesbian chic, that appeared in yesterday's NY Daily News. Especially when the item not only involves a starlet who dabbles in Lohan/Ronson-inspired games with the same sex, but also outs her bad boy boyfriend for helping her appear as straight as possible in the public eye. As the News asks today:

Just in from the set of her new film, the picture that could have launched a 1,000 rumors if its subject wasn't joined at the hip with another woman almost hourly: Lindsay Lohan is back at work — with a baby bump! OMG! Except, of course, well, no. "Lindsay Lohan wore a prosthetic baby bump Thursday while shooting her new comedy Labor Pains in Encino, California," report the killjoys at US Magazine. "She plays an assistant who pretends to be pregnant in a desperate attempt to keep her nasty boss from firing her." So meta, really, considering even her films' own broadcasters these days can't help but market their unwatchability; Starz should be ashamed of itself. Anyway, jump ahead for a closer look at what actually actually to be more "clump" than "bump" at this stage. All the more sympathetic, Linds — you know all our weaknesses. [US]

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

[Actress and lesbian superhero Lindsay Lohan on the set of a new film yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]

Love them or hate them, the magical millionaire pixies that are the Olsen Twins have at least one confirmed talent: perfecting their trademark pose for the paparazzi. And unlike Keira Knightley’s "Don’t Hate Me Because I’m So Rich, Thin And Beautiful" pout or Lindsay Lohan’s dilated tipsy face (often accompanied by props like neon bras and knives!), the Olsens allegedly use a tactic called The Prune. We highly doubt we’re the only ones who’ve noticed the duo’s matching facial contortion on red carpets in which their doll-sized lips purse and their cheekbones struggle to break free from nicotine-drenched skin. Their secret? As a source tells OK!, “Every time they pose and smile, they say the word ‘prune.’” Genius! Examples of the sometimes-flattering, sometimes-horrifying technique, presented in our favorite Tipsy Face Bingo format, after the jump.

There's no denying Lindsay Lohan's "thriller" I Know Who Killed Me was among the most critically and commercially reviled B-movies of last year — of any year, really. But now that IKWKM is approaching cable oblivion with its premiere June 14 on Starz, we doubt our inbox has ever seen a publicity campaign this wonderfully defensive or reactionary — almost Warholesque in its celebration of its own product's awfulness, proudly emphasizing its Razzie Award cred and critical pull quotes exhorting viewers to check out "a disaster that exerts a perverse fascination" (Variety) or "the monumental trashiness of this mess" (NY Daily News).

Oh, wow, so have you heard this crazy thing about how female bisexuality is kind of hot right now? And how apparently female celebrities are hooking up with other women to boost their cachet, and TV shows are depicting girls kissing other girls, and there's this cutting-edge idea of sexuality being a spectrum instead of an either-or thing? Yes? The media strapped on lesbian-curious themes years ago and has been ramming them down your throat despite muffled cries for mercy? Well, unfortunately, Harvard-trained medical anthropologist Brittany Blockman, 27, didn't hear about any of these exciting developments in the evolution of American sexuality until Mischa Barton kissed some other actress on The OC, and she's been busy appropriating girl-on-girl sexuality for a documentary called Bi The Way that just came out. Her co-director was another (self-described) naive 27-year-old, Josephine Decker, who told the Times Style section she is totally dying to have one of those lesbian flings that are so hot right now:

Two former members of the infamous Bimbo Summit were not late for very important dates this week. But one alum probably should’ve been. Worker bee Britney Spears was spotted having a one-on-one dinner last night at Havana Room, while pansexual couple of the moment Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson pretended to eat dinner with an unexpected new BFF at Il Sole on Monday. And while Britney’s knight in Hebrew-hating armor has proven himself to be quite the positive influence of late, we’re not so confident that Sam and Lindsay’s third wheel will strengthen Lohan’s so-far-successful ascent towards paycheck-earning, substance-free livelihood. The angel on Britney’s shoulder and devil on Lindsay’s revealed after the jump.

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

Yesterday marked Lindsay Lohan's first day on the set of Labor Pains, her first paying film role since the abominable "stripper with dueling personas" fiasco that was I Know Who Killed Me. And while we can’t imagine that the prospect of actually working (not to mention faking on-screen love with male co-stars) was leaving Lohan with anything other than a frowny face, somebody on the set had a really good idea as to how to motivate her. As these pictures show, it took only three things to cheer the seemingly sober-these-days star up to levels not previously seen since the Mean Girls days — too bad each of the vices things in question (including the delivery woman) aren’t exactly good for her health.

In our second edition of Living Lohan’s most valuable lessons as taught by Professor Dina, we couldn’t help being distracted by our studies in good parenting by upcoming rapper Ali’s sudden, unexpected and quite exciting new personality. Did the former zombie-ish little Lohan really just throw a fit? Yell at the almighty Dina? As captivated as we were by this week’s tips from Dina, lovingly crafted by Defamer Video Vixen Molly McAleer, we must note our newfound appreciation for this screaming version of little Ali. It’s like, we can’t put our finger on how exactly she’s changed but, oh wait! Yes, she’s showing her very first signs of Becoming Lindsay. Finally, the process begins. With that, we present three rules of manicured thumb we learned from the big D last night:

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

• Haven't seen Isaac Mizrahi around much lately? That's because he's been holed up making his own pomade, since the product he usually uses is no longer on the market. If all goes well, he might sell his new creation and call it I-Hair. [Page Six]

Exciting news indeed, as America's Little Career-Squandering sweetheart Lindsay Lohan has—we repeat has—secured an honest paycheck, and one that doesn't require her to climb onto a hotel diving board before a swarm of paparazzi, shouting, "Mom! Mom over here! Watch me suck some serious face with my best-friend-with-benefits, Samantha Ronson! Mooooom! You're not waaatching!!!" Fake-pregnancy comedy Labor Pains has managed to avoid the on-again, off-again fate of another Capitol Pictures-financed production, David O. Russell's Nailed, reports Variety:

[Photo Credit: X17]

While exiting a weekend showing of Sex and The City at the Arclight, A Prairie Home Companion star Lindsay Lohan began to question the state of her (alleged) relationship with emotional friend/DJ Samantha Ronson. Naturally, Lohan compared herself to Carrie and wondered if this relationship is something that's going to last or she should spread her wings and explore other options. Lohan then looked over her shoulder to see that Ronson kept her distance, to make it appear as if they're just friends to the media and Lohan's family; then Lohan quickly pulled out her BlackBerry and furiously typed out a message. Two seconds later, Ronson pulled out her BlackBerry and smiled as she read a message, then proceed to wink at Lohan.

Reports circulated yesterday claiming that OK! magazine was prepared to pay Lindsay Lohan the tidy sum of $1 million in exchange for the lesbian-starlet-romp world exclusive, "How A Tomboy DJ Named Samantha Ronson Opened Me Up to the Pleasures of Girl-On-Girl Eroticism and the Catchy Rhythms of LeTigre"— an offer the noted actress and furnapper was reported to have turned down. Now, an anonymous "source close to the [Lohan] family" suggests to The Scoop that Lohan may be second-guessing her decision:

• Party mom Dina Lohan better show up at her divorce court hearing this morning, or she'll be subject to "immediate arrest and imprisonment." Her ex, Michael Lohan, has reopened their contentious divorce case with new charges that she's drunk around their kids, and fails to show up to court-ordered visitations. Oh, and she wouldn't let him babysit his daughter's puppy. [Rush & Molloy]