Stop us if you've heard this one before: Lindsay Lohan, recent Promises Malibu graduate and voluntary wearer of apparently nonfunctioning transdermal alcohol-monitoring devices, has been arrested—and subsequently released on $25,000 bail—for DUI and coke possession (instead of a "usable amount of cocaine," this time we have the nearly as catchy "cocaine found in pants") in Santa Monica early this morning, after a report that her SUV was chasing another vehicle.

By 9:43 a.m., gossip site TMZ had put up seven Lindsay Lohan DUI arrest posts—the first six were published while she was still in jail, and the seventh was her release from jail. Please note that it's 6:30 in the morning out there. We're predicting 18 TMZ Lohan posts today—definitely a minimum of 15. Our hearts go out to the gossip laborers of the west coast in this time of crisis. Oh wait! In the time it took for us to write this brief paragraph, they've published an eighth item, questioning the utility of her alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet. Next up from TMZ, we think: a post predicting how much jail time she'll be getting. OMG, no, wait! Now there's a ninth item, about how she's not going to do the "Tonight" show tonight, clearly. We raise our prediction to a full 21 posts today—one for each year that Lindsay Lohan will be alive! Oh, look, the LA Times and the NY Times finally got an AP story up!

• Lindsay Lohan had coke on her in her DUI arrest this morning; she was arrested after cops got reports of her white Denali chasing another car. (Two other people were in her car, by the way,and they were released.) [TMZ, TMZ] [Photo: X17]
  

Lindsay Lohan was arrested in Santa Monica at 2:15 a.m. Pacific time today, and booked at 4:23 a.m. by the Santa Monica police department for drunken driving. Her second arrest for a DUI is a felony charge, and her bail was set at $25,000. Her previous DUI arrest was by the Beverly Hills Police Department, after a Memorial Day car crash; she was released on bail last week. Lohan turned 21 this month and is not really expected to see 22.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you finally saw Entourage's Lloyd ascend to rightful player status, holding court among throngs of adoring Gays.

While the world will soon be treated to Lindsay Lohan's sure-to-be acclaimed performance as a murdered stripper (remember, it's important that all evidence of acting talent be amplified so that her personal problems feel tinged with the tragedy of a squandered gift), we may never get to see the Oscar-caliber work she surely would've turned in as a con-lady who slaughters the homeless to collect on their insurance policies. According to today's Page Six, Poor Things, the project that believed in Lohan's ability so strongly that it was willing to alter its production schedule to accommodate her Promises hiatus, has been shut down, with at least one crew member blaming the star's post-rehab trip to Vegas for the crushing of their cinematic dreams:

• Lindsay Lohan gets booked, released on bail yesterday for her DUI. [TMZ]
  

Lindsay Lohan wingperson Samantha Ronson is suing Perez Hilton and CelebrityBabylon.com for $20 million over reports that the famously "usable amount" of blow cops found in Lohan's car was hers and that she was tipping off the paparazzi, accusations that could irreparably harm her DJ and hanging-out-with-famous-people careers. [ABC News]

To celebrate the occasion of Lindsay Lohan's second graduation from a luxurious local rehabilitation program since February (it's been a busy year, to be sure), soon-to-be exhausted publicist Leslie Sloane Zelnick released a statement indicating that her client would be voluntarily donning a SCRAM alcohol-monitoring bracelet as a symbol of her newfound commitment to never again passing out in the front seat of a friend's car while looking like a cadaver stolen from the Teddy's School of Forensic Medicine. ABC News today familiarizes Lohan's fans with the device that will soon be featured in numerous Us Weekly "Stars...They're Proud Of Their Tenuous Sobriety, Just Like Us!" spreads and quickly become the must-have accessory for Young, Troubled Hollywood, and which, according to an early adopter of the fashion trend, has an undeniable retro-cool vibe:

DJ Samantha Ronson was accused of planting drugs in Lindsay Lohan's car, thereby setting her up for a sting by the paparazzi. (Please, like she would do her girl Lindsay like that!) Ronson's pissed, and suing paparazzi agency Sunset Photo, photo agency owner Jill Ishkanian (whose agency is currently under investigation by the FBI for hacking into US Weekly's computer system), and our highly trafficked friend Perez Hilton. Here's the info; more details as they come in.

Having already dispensed with two trips to rehab before her 21st birthday, it seemed like only a matter of time before precocious trainwreck Lindsay Lohan would find herself in either a sex tape or naked-photo scandal (apparently, those "chilling," vaguely bicurious knifeplay pics were just a sign of less-clothed images to come), the always-reliable, low-impact way to keep one's name in tabloid headlines for days at a time. Today's Page Six reports that Lohan may be the victim of a shakedown by a blog taunting her via IM (the preferred extortion tool of the MySpace generation) with the possibility it has nudie pics snapped by boyfriend-for-a-minute Callum Best:

• If we have to see naked pictures of Lindsay Lohan in the course of our job duties, we will sue someone. Maybe it'll be this person, who claims that Lindsay confirmed the naked pictures via Gchat. We imagine this is just what Larry Page and Sergey Brin invented Gmail for. Oddest statement ever from publicist Leslie Sloane Zelnik: "Anything is possible." Isn't it though? [Page 6]
  

• Lady Di's probably-son-with-what's-his-face Harry's girlfriend's nickname for him is "Big Ginger." Good to know when royalty is well-hung! [Page Six]
  

One of these days, the Lindsay Lohans of the world are going to figure out that MySpace pages aren't the supersecure form of communication they believe them to be. [Gatecrasher]

Just in time to shake your afternoon blahs, take a guided YouTube tour through recent highlights of Lindsay Lohan's life. If she stays sober, we may have already experienced the best crazy she has to offer. [Uber.com]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Bradford Family patriarch Dick Van Patten killing some time at a Starbucks in the Valley.

We knew someone would make Lindsay Lohan macros eventually, but what we didn't know was how funny they would be. Way to go, internets!

I HAS AN NABLEHR [LOLhan]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you ogled Brian Grazer's rippling physique at a Greek restaurant in Malibu.

• The serial-marrying Revlon honcho has been compensating ever since he was dissed by a popular girl named Ellen Friedman in ninth grade. [Page Six]
  

· Rehab is easy; developing the upper body strength necessary to accurately portray a murdered stripper is hard.
· John Travolta would like you to know that there was nothing gay whatsoever about his dressing in drag for Hairspray, and even if it was a little gay, his incredibly tolerant religion would be OK with it.
· "Criss Angel's wife says the magic has gone from their marriage and she now wants to make him vanish from her life." Also, she is unhappy with her estranged husband's "repeated attempts to saw rumored new girlfriend Cameron Diaz in half with his penis."
· Hey, unicorns! On the JesusPhone!