The former first lady of both California and Arnold Schwarzenegger is reportedly withholding her approval due to troubling concerns over the blessed union between her son and known penis aficionado Miley Ray Cyrus.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver aren't officially divorced yet, but that didn't stop the former California governor from crudely smudging her face out of his official portrait.

Former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is in the middle of his "I Got the Maid Pregnant and Wrote a Book About It" press tour, during which he's been candid with interviewers about his inner turmoil. (Yes, when your wife starts asking about your illegitimate son, things get rocky.)

On top of the indignity of a 25-year marriage to Arnold Schwarzenegger, Maria Shriver now has to deal with the publicity tour for his new tell-all memoir.

Amy Winehouse might have died while trying to get her life in order. Arnold and Maria have an awkward run-in. Miley Cyrus is just "explor[ing] sexuality," and Justin Bieber wants to settle down. Saturday gossip would probably eat bananas dipped in ketchup.

The Schwarzenegger-Shriver divorce just crossed the threshold from "slightly tense" to "blatantly bellicose." (Playfully bellicose?) Arnold went biking in an "I SURVIVED MARIA" t-shirt on Sunday, TMZ reports.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a very awkward birthday with Maria Shriver. Al Pacino's got family trouble. Ashton Kutcher stole Will Smith's trailer, we think. Yes! It's Sunday gossip.

Jennifer Aniston and her still quite new man go house-hunting. Arnold Schwarzenegger just signs whatever papers are in front of him. Lindsay Lohan partied with the Muscle Milk people at a beach. Today's Gossip Roundup is acting irresponsibly.

Lindsay Lohan pleads poverty in Louboutin heels. Arnold and Maria fight over child support. Jason Bateman gets upstaged by a puppy. Charlie Sheen likes sex twice a day, but his ex-girlfriend insisted on 19 lays per day. TGIFriday gossip.

Rihanna's concert in Dallas burst into flames! David Letterman's set was broken in to by a vandal! Some women didn't recognize Kellan Lutz! The Royals met Jack Black! Sunday gossip is filled with stories of doom and disaster!

Will and Kate are exploring Los Angeles. Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart are adding another person to their threesome. Octomom gets in a fight with Wilma Flintstone. Saturday gossip is bringing all of its kids on the plane!

Everyone's getting a divorce! Literally, everyone, except for Kate Moss, who just got married. And Salma Hayek's not getting a divorce yet, but finding out her husband fathered Linda Evangelista's kid isn't going to make her marriage stronger. Yes! It's Saturday gossip.

Maria Shriver served Arnold Schwarzenegger with divorce papers today. Shriver's requesting spousal support and joint custody of the couple's two younger kids. And because the two apparently never signed a prenup, she stands to walk away with nine figures, too.

Spiderman costars Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone might be banging. Cory Monteith was a teen junkie. Heidi Klum gets naked. LiLo plans her first post-imprisonment par-tay. TGIFriday gossip.

After a month of silence following the revelation that her son is half Schwarzenegger, housekeeper Mildred Patricia Baena gave her first interview to deep-pocketed British tabloid Hello!.

Suri Cruise suffers for fashion. Lindsay Lohan shills electronic cigarettes. Angelina Jolie gets horny while talking about Brad Pitt. Tuesday gossip creates heel-shaped holes in the sand.

Maria Shriver may have leaked her husband's affair to the media. Two newspapers published photos of Arnold's tween love child—and in one pic he's holding a can of beer. Christina Hendricks describes her "obviously real" breasts. Lindsay Lohan shows off her right breast for the cameras. Tuesday gossip gets sleazy.

Arnold's son discovers the truth. Maria looks for a bachelorette pad. William and Kate get home okay. And Pink gets on a high horse about horses. Saturday gossip is rapture-ready.

Arnold's former underage fling describes several other affairs, one of which Maria supposedly knew about. The Brangelina brood makes a "giant mess" in Cannes. Lea Michele throws a tantrum over a dress. It's TGIFriday gossip.

This just in: The Marriagenator has just issued a statement, soberly delivered by Wolf Blitzer. Shh! This is important. It's about his career!