[Mayor Bloomberg gives his best "shut the hell up" face as David Patterson prattles on about some crazy thing at the opening of Brooklyn Bridge Park in Brooklyn today. Image via Getty]

For the Inner Circle gala—that bizarro NYC event where Giuliani dressed in drag—Bloomberg booked the cast of Hair for a skit entitled Mair. He'd better be wearing a bra. Bonus: He could even burn it at the end!

New York Republicans want a US Senate seat, and they would like help buying it from Michael Bloomberg, mayor-for-life and richest man in town. But they have no candidates. So, looks like they're asking Mike's girlfriend to run.

New York Mayor-for-life Mike Bloomberg's top aide, Deputy Mayor Kevin Sheekey, is leaving City Hall for a much better-paying gig with—try to look surprised—Bloomberg LP. Do you know what this means? Deputy Mayor Howard Wolfson.

King Bloomberg has declared a snow day! Long live the king! It's too snowy for New York kids to go to school today. City employees, however, are still expected to work. Who will care for their children? [ABCLocal]

Police Commissioner Ray Kelly is the most popular man in town, according to a recent poll. Kelly's approval rating is an impressive 70%—which is hilarious, because there's more news of the NYPD's corruption every day.

Who exactly does Mayor-for-life Mike Bloomberg want to be our next Senator? First we're told that his influential friends convinced a bank-loving conservative Democrat from Tennessee named Harold Ford to run. Now, suddenly, he wants million-year-old hack publisher Mort Zuckerman?

Mort Zuckerman's futile effort to keep up with Mike Bloomberg continues! The real estate developer and Daily News owner—who considered making a bid for BusinessWeek last fall when he heard Bloomberg L.P. was in the running before dropping out of the running—is now thinking about following in his frenemy's footsteps and getting into politics. According to the Times, Zuckerman is considering a run against Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand this fall, and just like Bloomberg he's prepared to run as a Republican so he can avoid an expensive and messy Democratic primary. Another egocentric, diminutive billionaire media mogul determined to create a lasting legacy for himself with a second career in politics? Just what New York needs! [NYT]

Style icon Pat Field turns 68 today. Film director Darren Aronofsky is turning 41. Christina Ricci is 30. Senator Arlen Specter is turning 80. Children's author Judy Blume is 72. Josh Brolin, the actor and son of James Brolin, is turning 42. Locanda Verde chef Andrew Carmellini is 39. Tech visionary Raymond Kurzweil turns 61. Celebrity nutritionist Oz Garcia is 59. Fonzworth Bentley, Diddy's former assistant and now the host of his own show on MTV, is 36. Chynna Phillips is turning 42. And Arsenio Hall turns 55 today. A few people celebrating birthdays this weekend—including Mayor Bloomberg—are below.

Today at Gawker.TV, Bill Murray dines with Anthony Bourdain, How I Met Your Mother's harem of hotties, Jon Stewart may have ripped off another comedian last night, the best commercials from the 1980s, and Mayor Bloomberg prepares us for the worst.

New Yorkers are bracing themselves for their very own Snowpocalypse tomorrow. And after ruining the kids' snow day tomorrow, Mayor Bloomberg gave some sage advice for all the snow shovelers: Don't have a heart attack. Duly noted, sir.

Due to the ominous forecast for tomorrow, New York City has already ordered a preemptive snow day for public schools. Great way to rob these children of one of the greatest feelings that they'll ever have, Bloomberg.

It looks like Mayor Bloomberg wasn't too happy that reporters noticed he was wearing hearing aids the other day. They've since vanished! [NYDN]

Mayor Bloomberg was spotted wearing hearing aids for the first time yesterday. [NYDN]

Rich Uncle Bloomberg does not want terrorist Khalid Shaikh Mohammed tried in Federal court in lower Manhattan. And so now it will probably not happen. Not because of fear of terror, but because of fear of real estate prices dropping.

Amid Budget Worries, Mayor Finds Jobs for Campaign Staff [NYT]
Bloomberg Unveils a Grim Budget [NYT]

When the news broke last night that Mayor Bloomberg had tapped Howard Wolfson to join his administration, some people wondered if it was a sign the mayor was thinking (once again) about running for president. So is he? "I have no plans to run for president of the United States in 2012 or 2016 or 20-anything," Bloomberg told reporters earlier today. So now you can go back to just worrying about Scott Brown and Sarah Palin's chances in 2012. [NYDN, AP]

After Clinton flack Howard Wolfson helped sink Hillary's presidential campaign, he was rewarded with a Fox News gig, a New Republic blog, and a high-paying job with Mike Bloomberg's reelection campaign. Now Mike's taking him on full time!

Mayor Bloomberg's war on smoking, transfat, sugary drinks, and salt must be paying off! The city's Department of Health reports the life expectancy for babies born in NYC stands at 79.4 years, which is up five months from 2006 and 19 months from 2001. [NYDN, NYP]

Williamsburg's hipsters broke bread with local Hasidim Monday at a community meeting where they discussed their disputed bike lane. "The debate didn't really get anyone anywhere," reports a local hipster. Uh oh, is that the sound of youthful idealism crashing?