Miley Cyrus gave a 44-year-old gay director a lap dance. Isaac Mizrahi grabbed Scarlett Johansson's boob. Gay men and straight girls: Keep stray hands, butts, and body parts to yourselves. Just because there's no sexual tension doesn't mean it's OK.

She's 16 in the video; the guy is 44. Lil' Wayne gets caught with prison contraband. Tyra picks a fight with Palin. Leonardo DiCaprio is mistaken for a normal person. Ian McKellen is mistaken for a beggar. Wednesday gossip arrives.

Wintour goes nuclear on the dancefloor. Halle Berry calls her soon-to-be ex a "loser." Charlie Sheen hands over custody. Ke$ha ruins a bat mitzvah. Tiger Woods' butt sweats. Wednesday's gossip roundup likes to party.

Does Miley Cyrus want to be a sex symbol? If the video for her new single, "Can't Be Tamed," is the litmus test by which to judge, then, well... yes. Problem? She's 17. The video, and initial web reaction, inside.

"Is Miley Cyrus the Next Leftist Trojan Horse Into Country Music?" Yes, says Brian Cherry, freelance writer and contributor to World Poker Tour Magazine, at BigHollywood.com.

And by that we mean children murdering people, not the other way around. Also this week: you guys love your dragons, some of you lovey our Miley Cyrus, and others love your gay midget funeral movies.

Or maybe just her director is? Also this weekend, the kraken marches farther and farther away, Tyler Perry continues to investigate his (non-existent) marriage, and Jay Baruchel might soon become enormous.

There's a gay wedding on the set of Muppets Take Manhattan. Samantha is wearing the costumes from Mad Max: The Musical. Liza! Miley! Penelope! Aiden! Menopause! Carrie fights for her marriage! Man, this is... well, it's gonna be something.

This movie-going weekend, lots of people wanted to see the gods killing each other. And others wanted to see married couples trying to kill each other. And of course there were the Miley Cyrus lookie loos, who are creepy.

God help us. Tiger Woods wants to be alone with his cartoon porn. Miley Cyrus wants Kurt Cobain to be her boyfriend. Kim Kardashian wants everyone to look at her cleavage. Sunday gossip can't always get what it wants.

Falling on that prickly pear last week set of a chain reaction ruining LiLo's life. Jimi Hendrix has a sex tape. George Michael's internet sex life reveled. Miley says good-bye to her music career. Here's your Saturday gossip.

Today at Gawker.TV, Paula Deen lets loose on The View, Kenneth the Page's shirtless 30 Rock scenes, Kirstie Alley swears Conan was fired because of bad karma, and Miley Cyrus and Jay Leno bond over being widely-hated.

Last night 17-year-old Miley Cyrus talked about her new movie and just how much people dislike the two of them. How do they deal with it? Leno's folksy head, and Miley's bad auditions: like two peas in a pod.

[Liam Hensworth, Miley Cyrus, and an unknown woman regard each other at the premiere of their new movie, an adaptation of "Woyzeck"; image via Splash]

Last night's American Idol contained some of the worst performances in the show's history. And with "mentors" like Miley Cyrus—who just butchered her performance of "When I Look At You"—it's not hard to see why. Video inside.

Last night we saw our Top 11 sing various songs from the catalog of Billboard Number One hits. A pretty vast array to choose from, and yet we heard, basically, all the standard karaoke numbers we've grown grimly accustomed to.

Some people are just born with good taste. When this dad puts on Miley Cyrus, his little girl begins shrieking. But when he puts on Bon Jovi—the shrieking stops. But what are her feelings on Hootie?

Two weeks ago, Ryan Seacrest finally grew some balls and confronted Simon Cowell on American Idol for his harsh judgments of contestants. Yesterday, it happened again (and it was awkward/full of sexual tension). Tonight, Cowell fought back. Video inside.

We're just torturing starlets at this point, right? Heidi Montag gets a role in an Adam Sandler film. Corey Haim is tied to a "massive" drug ring. Padma debuts her miracle baby. Saturday gossip tickles and coos.

• Lots of celebs turned out for the Super Bowl in Miami. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were there (and were spotted "kissing, hugging and laughing," so if you were worried that they'd broken up, you can rest easy). Also on hand was Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher (who were chased by photographers), Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, and John Travolta, who couldn't even be bothered to stay for the entire game. [DM, The Sun, Popeater]

• Is the cast of Jersey Shore getting a little overexposed? Just a little! MTV is now looking to clamp down on their efforts to "pimp themselves" at bars and colleges around the country and has informed them that they're each limited to two appearances a week and need permission from the network before accepting any gigs. [P6, NYDN]

• In other Jersey Shore news, Jenni "JWoww" Farley is planning to "enhance" her ginormous fake boobs "as soon as possible to be ready for the new season," you'll be pleased to hear. [P6]