Billy Ray Cyrus says "there's no doubt" his family is under attack from Satan. LiLo spent Valentine's Day with SamRo. January Jones only feels safe when photographers are near. Tuesday gossip sins.

The All the Real Girls goddess has signed on to a pretty bland- and regular-sounding Fox sitcom, which is too bad. Also today: Tom Cruise is about to get musical, Gerard Butler continues to annoy and confuse, and Miley Cyrus destroys SNL.

Justin Bieber, a Furbie toy given the ability to sing, held the LA premiere for his 3D concert movie Never Say Never last night. The red carpet was even uglier than usual. Let's take a look at all the atrocities unleashed by The Biebz.

Eva Longoria rebounds with a pierced pop star. Lindsay Lohan still on the hook for grand theft. Holly Madison gets $30,000 to sit next to a rich guy. Bieber's secret alias is Chandler Bing. Tuesday gossip blows everyone's covers.

[Miley Cyrus today in Beverly Hills. Image via Splash]

Rihanna celebrates looking sexy in a leaked sexting picture. Lindsay Lohan wears a shoplifted necklace. Mariah Carey is expecting twins. Wednesday's gossip roundup is comfortable with its body.

How much would you pay for the picture Courtney Love tweeted of her ladyparts? Or Katy Perry sans makeup? Soon, magazines and blogs will probably pay thousands of dollars. A paparazzi photo agency is taking over celebrities' Twitter pictures.

In 2008, a guy named Josh 'Trainreq' Holly hacked Miley Cyrus' email and leaked some racy pictures of the then-underaged actress. 21-year-old Holly has never been charged for the Cyrus hack—but he was just arrested for financial fraud.

[Miley Cyrus with her fictional sorority sisters on the set of "So Undercover." Image via Splash.]

Mila Kunis faces an onslaught of obnoxious break-up rumors. David Arquette goes to rehab. Lindsay Lohan's court-ordered rehab ends. (And her freely chosen rehab begins.) Bieber and Selena make out on a yacht. Monday gossip abandons auld acquaintances.

Your feelings about Natalie Portman's Uterus Theme Week are a window to your soul. Taylor Swift and Gwyneth Paltrow are besties. Miley's salvia bong for sale. Lily Allen and LeAnn Rimes are engaged. (Separately.) Tuesday gossip is aglow.

Miley and Noah do a Christmas karaoke duet. Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig hold hands. Where did Selena Gomez's promise ring go? Prince sees The Nutcracker. Monday gossip is full of Christmas leftovers.

[Kelly Osbourne does a Miley Cyrus impression on the set of "So Undercover." Image via @misskellyo.]

Every act of celebrity self-destruction has an equal but opposite act of fameball creation. O.J. gave us Kato Kaelin; Tiger's sex addiction unleashed an army of porn stars. And now, meet Miley Cyrus's bong-ripping foil: self-proclaimed spotlight seeker Rachael Moran.

Miley's superfan vigilantes set their sights on a girl named Anna Oliver. Angelina Jolie laughs at her Golden Globe nomination. Hulk Hogan's beach wedding devolves into a brawl. Wednesday gossip fears for its life.

On tonight's Factor, Bill O'Reilly gave a "Reality Check" to bong-hitting Miley Cyrus regarding a video that surfaced last week showing the teen star smoking the hallucinogen salvia. O'Reilly's assessment of Cyrus' behavior? "Pathetic." Watch him chew her out, inside.

Miley Cyrus stays calm in the wake of her bong-ripping scandal. Jennifer Grey has yet to recover from the pain of dancing with Bristol Palin. Kim Kardashian's new lover crosses a threshold: First photo op. Monday gossip soldiers on.

Miley Cyrus may get salvia banned. Michael Jackson's autopsy is not something we'd want to see. Michael Lohan gets botox but forgets child payments. Nicole Richie's getting married. Saturday gossip roundup can't move its face.

All that was once private is now public. This morning, a video of Miley Cyrus taking bong rips with buddies appeared online. And now, Billy Ray Cyrus discovers the video and chides his teenage daughter—also online.

She's 18 and her own woman! TMZ reports that this bong rip is not pot, but salvia — the intense psychedelic drug (legal in California). Watch her lose her shit and speak in tongues.