• Golf Digest has decided to "suspend" Tiger Woods' monthly column. Will Condé Nast continue to pay him his $3 million-a-year salary? Unclear. [NYP]
• The Balloon Boy parents were sentenced to 90 days (him) and 20 days (her) today. For what it's worth, Richard Heene says he's "very, very sorry." [AP]
• Alexis Glick, one of Fox Business's first employees, resigned today. [LAT]
• Fox will go ahead with Idol with or without Simon Cowell. Obviously. [THR]
• Another humorless group is whining about MTV's Jersey Shore. [AP]
• The feud between Time Warner/Fox over cable fees is getting nasty. [DF]
• Jennifer Aniston, Julia Roberts and Mickey Rourke have signed on to present at next month's Golden Globes alongside host Ricky Gervais. [LAT]
• A look back at the wars Rupert Murdoch has waged over the years. [NYM]
• The trailer for Sex and the City 2 was released today. Yes, already. [EW]

Pesky condoms making you lose sensation? Hard to remember to take your birth control pill every morning? No worries, just watch an episode of Teen Mom and you will never forget to strap on that rubber again.

"Have you ever stopped for a moment to consider that the cast of Jersey Shore are all secretly a bunch of classically trained actors playing roles created for them and that we, those of us who love to mock and ridicule Snooki, J-Woww, Pauly-D and The Situation, are being played HARD?" [Animal NY]

In what's inevitably a bid for another TV show, Tila Tequila announced on Twitter that she'll be carrying the child of her brother and his wife as a "present" for them. I can't wait for the show. I have ideas.

The ultimate goal for all male and female guidos at the Jersey Shore is to hook up and "not fall in love." You would think this would be simple, but you would be very, very wrong.

• Jake Gyllenhaal just split up with Reese Witherspoon. Has he already moved on with Anne Hathaway? That's what the National Enquirer is suggesting. So it could be true, but it could also be totally made up. [ShowbizSpy]
• In other Anne Hathaway news, it turns out the guy who crashed his bike into the car she was sitting in earlier this week was a paparazzo. [AP]
• Demi Moore posted a pic of herself to Twitter—it was an outtake from a recent Harper's Bazaar photo shoot—and fellow Twitter users unleashed their wrath, suggesting the photos had been Photoshopped and telling her she looked old. "I'm 47. How am I supposed to look?" she responded. This actually makes us feel a bit bad for Demi, which isn't something that happens very often. [Us]
• "Snooki" (Nicole Polizzi) from MTV's Jersey Shore has been fired from her receptionist job for taking time off to go to LA to promote the show. (She's not too broken up about it. She got to hang out with Kristin Cavallari while she was there, so it was totally worth it.) In other Snooki news, the guy who punched her in the face on the show, a scene MTV censored, says he's sorry. [NYDN, Us]

On Sunday, we told you that MTV had decided not to air the footage of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi being punched in the face on tonight's episode of Jersey Shore, and speculated as to its motives. Here's what MTV did show.

We were promised an attack, people. And what happens? MTV is too chicken to air it. Oh well, we can still salvage this night by having a blast talking about the trashiest show filmed outside of a landfill.

On tonight's episode of The Jay Leno Show, Snooki, The Situation and Pauly D continued their week-long domination of American television by facing off in a "Battle of the Jersey Shore All Stars" segment. And, yes—they were horrible.

MTV's creatively titled Teen Mom follows around, well, teen moms. It's basically a gigantic PSA to show how awful it is to be a teenager with a baby.

Just moments ago, Jersey Shore stars Snooki and The Situation visited Conan O'Brien on The Tonight Show, and it was magical. Nicknames, hair tips, Snooki's desire for a steroid user, The Situation's rap offer and more, after the jump!

• Remember last week when Lindsay Lohan announced that she'd "saved" a bunch of kids in India from becoming victims of child trafficking? Yea, well, it seems she wasn't even in the country yet when that happened, at least according to according to a leading social activist in New Delhi, who has since filed a complaint with the BBC, which was filming Lohan's efforts for a documentary. In any event, LiLo must be totally, like, spent from saving the world: She returned to the U.S over the weekend after spending less than a week there. [Telegraph, People]
• In other LiLo news, the Lohan family website is now selling some of her secondhand clothes. If you'd like to buy Lindsay's hideous wardrobe from back in her Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen days, you're in luck. [P6]
• The New York Post has added an esteemed new columnist to its roster! Ashley Dupre is the paper's new love, sex, and relationship columnist. In her first column, Dupre answers questions about a rebellious teen, how to tell if one's husband is unhappy, whether or not to share your "number," and also offers up some Christmas gift ideas. There's even a video to go with it in which Dupre is dressed up like a naughty schoolgirl. [NYP]

MTV drummed up publicity for Jersey Shore by promising controversial footage of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi being punched. Now that it has everyone's attention, MTV is backing out, pulling the footage and trying to erase it from the Internet. Good luck!

Hey guys, we did it! The ratings for Jersey Shore's second episode went up 50% to 2.1 million. That's on par with this season's The Hills premiere. When do we get our season two renewal? Pretty, pretty please!

• The New York Times is gearing up to cut another two dozen positions at the newspaper, but that's fewer than NYT execs were anticipating. [NYP]
• Cancellations: MTV has pulled the plug on Alexa Chung's daytime show; and HBO's Flight of the Conchords is finished after two seasons. [THR, Variety]
• Diane Sawyer and Chris Cuomo bid goodbye to GMA this morning. [ABC]
• NBC Universal chief Jeff Zucker, who will remain in charge of NBC after Comcast takes control, has been signed up to a new three-year contract. [THR]
• Ex-Daily News editor Debby Krenek is Newsday's new editor-in-chief. [E&P]
• Stodgy Harvard Business Review is getting a sexy makeover! [NYT]
• Grim stat du jour: 367 magazines were shuttered in 2009. [Crain's]
• More on Dave Zinczenko, the laziest magazine editor alive. [Gawker, DF]

More than hair gel, fake tans, being "classy," or clothes with holes ripped in them, the most important thing to the young men and women of Seaside Heights, New Jersey, is hooking up. Here is how it all goes down.

Snooki is taking a different route than most to achieve fame. Go on MTV reality show, drink 'til you puke, get punched in the face, look like a midget next to Wendy Williams, capture America's heart. Well done, Snickers.

Some people really hate MTV's new reality show masterpiece theater of eight crazy kids sharing a beach house. We like it so much, we want you to watch it with us. Come on in. We made ham!

The lovely gentleman punching Jersey Shore guidette Snooki in the viral video clip has been ID'd: he's a gym teacher in Queens. This could end no other way.

• Nielsen has concluded a deal to sell handful of trade titles like The Hollywood Reporter and Billboard to a consortium of investors that includes Jimmy Finkelstein and Guggenheim Partners. Rupert Murdoch's son Lachlan was once part of the investor group, but ended up dropping out. [AdWeek, NYP, LAT]
• Nielsen also said today that it's shuttering two titles: Editor & Publisher, which dates back to 1884, and book pub Kirkus Reviews. [E&P, NYT]
• AOL and Time Warner are officially separate companies now. [WSJ, AP]
• George Stephanopoulos starts his new job of GMA anchor on Monday. [LAT]
• The controversy over MTV's latest series, Jersey Shore, rages on. [THR]
• Hollywood PR powerhouse PMK/HBH has pretty much imploded. [Wrap]
• The 30 worst women's magazine covers of the aughts. [Buzzfeed]
• The city's laziest magazine editor: Dave Zinczenko of Men's Health. [Gawker]