Despite his ophidiphobic nephew's insistence that his uncle had merely accidentally tapped some underage boob at a promotional appearance in Colorado, a preliminary hearing has ruled that Vincent 'Don Vito' Margera will be going to trial:

Our insider's analysis of the situation at MTV yesterday drew an immediate and contrary response. We reprint it here in order to give both sides of the story. Also, because it gives us another excuse to run that picture of MTV's Mika Salmi.

The recent staffing changes over at MTV Networks made us curious: What exactly is going on at everyone's favorite former home of music videos? A former Viacom staffer is on hand to answer our questions. After the jump, analysis and what's probably a little axe-grinding. Either way, it's not a pretty picture. Much like that shot of MTV Global Digital Media Whatever Mika Salmi.

See, sometimes we get it right.

Continuing our long tradition of posting first and then asking questions later (or, you know, in the post), we're going to put this one up there:

If you're in any of the parts of Manhattan that are reportedly currently smelling like a gas leak, we want to know about it. Can you smell it from inside your office building? Does it worry you that Con Edison is like, "no [immediate] comment" ? Let us know, please.

Var's Peter Bart attempts to explain the paradox of CBS Corp CEO Les Moonves: He's part ruthless Old Hollywood, power-crazed mogul, part new media and corporate player. We can't think of a candidate who's better qualified to one day enslave us all. [Variety]
MTV Films picks up the Bob Odenkirk/Rainn Wilson comedy Kanan Rhodes: Unkillable Servant of Justice, about "a man who serves subpoenas with the suaveness, intensity and conviction of James Bond." Odenkirk explains that the project languished for seven years "because we couldn't find anyone who could pull it off. Until we got Rainn in our brain! A lot of actors would come off as dicks, but when he does it, it's sweet and kind of sad." We'd never really been able to put our finger on it, but Wilson really does have that sweet/sad/dicky thing going on. [THR]
After a two-and-a-half month lockout while 20th Century Fox TV and series creator Seth McFarlane worked on a new deal, Family Guy's writers have finally been allowed to get back to the important work of brainstorming non-sequitur gags to randomly insert into the show's sixth season stories. [Variety]
· CSI's Marg Helgenberger's husband announces that he'll seek a second two-year term as head of SAG. [THR]
In other SAG news, the Guild awaits Monday's arrival of new national executive director Doug Allen, the former NFL linebacker they hope will soon lead them to a collective bargaining championship over the studios. [Variety]

With all the correction space we're allotted for a single post already devoted to admitting our amnesia about the FCC's jurisdiction for levelling indecency fines in our earlier item about comely, sailor-mouthed MTV microphone holder Vanessa Minnillo's New Year's Eve f-bomb, we're making room here to share a helpful publicist's clarification about our mistaken assumption that the unbleeped expletive was a result of the show's lack of a time-delay:

They may be pinching pennies when it comes to paper and pens, but MTV Networks isn't afraid to toss around the big bucks for the things that matter. The company just announced the newest recipients of its Labs Seed Money - "tax-free grants awarded to MTV Networks employees to further their private creative work" - and one of the lucky winners happens to be Ryan Kitson of Nickelodeon Creative Resources, who was given five grand to

Having opted out of the 7-second delay in order to give viewers at home the most accurate countdown possible was a programming decision that will ultimately come back to bite MTV corporate parent Viacom, when the FCC gods high on Mount Decency throw down multimillion dollar fines* like thunderbolts, followed by a series of executive meetings over the financial feasibility of keeping on a foul-mouthed Minnillo, versus shitcanning her for another disposable Jessica Alba-type talking head who can effectively drum up the requisite TRL excitement about Fall Out Boy's latest without relying on an arsenal of four-letter descriptors.

We once again do that thing where we throw out something totally unconfirmed and let knowledgeable sources deny it. Anyway, a correspondent corresponds:

Our solicitation for details on media holiday parties has produced some great responses, keep 'em coming. A particularly choice tip offers the scoop on MTV Networks' bash:

Santa Monica-based MTV staffers have been informed that God has expressed His displeasure at the unholy tearing asunder of the consecrated relationship of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline (really, we thought He'd send a celebratory hail of Care Bears, licorice drops, and red velvet cupcakes, but who can know the mind of the Creator?) by (once again) besetting the network's offices with a plague of bees. Says an e-mail forwarded by an operative:

Remember that New York Press cover story from four months ago? That we made fun of? Well, the AP sure doesn't. Yesterday, they broke the news that many New Yorkers get their weed, not from shifty-looking Rastas in Washington Square Park, but from "drug rings that operate with remarkable corporate-style attention to customer satisfaction." We'd ignore this article, or nominate it ourselves for GMiJ, but there was one standout detail that we just had to share:

It's Bitch About Work day, apparently. An employee of MTV (the company that Mika Salmi is not the head of) sends along the following gripe:

• Mika Salmi, the new head of MTV (Global Digital Media) will be an "enabler," helping MTV's various websites work better together. [NYP]
  

On October 27, Dealbreaker.com moved on the rumor that "the new head of MTV [Ed.—as in the channel] will be Mika Salmi, who is currently the CEO of Atom Entertainment (a recent MTV acquisition)." So confident were they that 'breaker-in-Chief Elizabeth Spiers promised, if the rumor proved false, to eat her blog. Well, the following memo just came over the transom:

DealBreaker mongers the rumor that the new head of MTV will be the Teutonically envisaged Mika Salmi, to be announced Monday. Salmi comes to MTV by way of his company AtomFilms, which was recently acquired by MTV. He has considerable music-industry experience as well, and is apparently a big Nine Inch Nails fan.

MTV is never short on idiotic ideas, and one of their newest offerings — a dating show where contestants are allowed to comb through each other's computers, so hott — looks typically harebrained. But they can't even get the viral video right. Sure, it has a promising start, with the potential for greasy laptop perv-sex, plus a little Videodrome thrown in. But the money shot isn't particularly funny, makes no sense in the context of the ad or the show, and frankly, proves that a large tongue can be plenty unsexy when improperly used.