Twenty-five-year-old Jorge Peña rose to internet infamy this week after video of him slapping a woman on the F train last weekend was uploaded to YouTube. He was cleared of misdemeanor assault and disorderly conduct charges, but in a new interview with the New York Post, Peña defends...his jacket.

Bill de Blasio, a large and unpunctual man, bumbled through a fog both literal and figurative on his way to a scheduled appearance this morning, to which he was 20 minutes late.

The NYPD is investigating a fight that broke out this past weekend between passengers on a Washington Square station-bound F train. The video, uploaded to YouTube on Saturday, is appropriately titled, "Man smacks the soul out of girl on the NY Subway."

Between 2000 and 2010, New York City's black middle class declined significantly, while the high income white population grew significantly. Also: the city's single largest population cluster is "low-income Hispanic."

A five-year-old boy who returned from Guinea Saturday night is being tested for Ebola at Bellevue Hospital in Manhattan, according to the New York Post.

At least three people who came into contact with Craig Spencer—the doctor who tested positive for Ebola Thursday night after returning from Guinea—have been placed into isolation. The New York City health department said in a statement yesterday that disease detectives are currently working to retrace Spencer's every step in the days leading up to his diagnosis.

It's not even Wednesday and the surprises keep coming: New York City rats, when tested by pathogen hunters at Columbia University, were discovered to be replete with dozens of disgusting pathogens, some of which were new to science entirely.

Two people who recently travelled to West Africa have been quarantined in Manhattan's Bellevue Hospital, according to the New York Daily News.

I walked into the main atrium of Best Buy Theater like Queen of the Dirtbags, a half-chewed slice of pizza in my waving hand and a vodka soda in my left, dangling down by my hip. Everything smelled like Clinique Happy perfume and ball sweat. For half a second, before crossing the threshold into the venue, I thought, Can I bring pizza in here?

At about 6 p.m. Friday night, a mysterious figure emerged—Whac-A-Mole-style—from sidewalk grate on Sixth Avenue and threw two road flares into chic Village eatery Da Silvano. The burning flares immediately filled the restaurant's outdoor seating area with smoke, surprising diners that included Rose McGowan.

New York City's John F. Kennedy International Airport is the first in the U.S. to start screening passengers for Ebola symptoms. The AP reports starting today, travelers coming from three West African countries will have their temperatures checked as part of an enhanced Ebola screening program.

Here are two stories from today's New York Times about law-enforcement priorities and matters of public outrage in New York City. The first is a front-page news story, describing the prosecution of a 22-year-man in Brooklyn who violently kicked a cat and posted a video of the kicking to Facebook:

According to sources who spoke with the New York Post, former Pennsylvania governor Ed Rendell is not fucking around when it comes to winning a bid for the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia. Instead of making a convincing argument for his city, he's allegedly dragging New York City, his loud upstairs neighbor, through the mud.

Turnstile jumping is on the rise in New York City subways. Today, the New York Daily News published an analysis of data that detailed the increase in arrests for fare-beating busts made by officers. In the last five years, turnstile jumping apprehensions have ballooned by 69 percent—24,747 arrests were made last year as opposed to 14,681 in 2008 —and will likely increase in 2014.

The New York City Health Department announced that the man admitted to Mount Sinai Hospital with Ebola-like symptoms "is unlikely to have Ebola" and that "specimens are being tested for common causes of illness and to definitively exclude Ebola." The department's determination was made in consultation with the CDC and Mount Sinai doctors.

Most kids would freak out if they were separated from their parents in a busy city like New York—but not Chris Villavicencio.

If you're going steal a Citibike, do remember to paint over the entire thing before taking it out for a spin.

Next time someone tries to tell you New York City isn't Real America, you remind them: 1 World Trade Center is 1,776 feet tall, man. Ain't that America? We love our country so much, in fact, that a new skyscraper — Earth's tallest residential building! — will top out one foot lower in patriotic deference.

At around 1:15 a.m. today, Triborough Bridge and Tunnel Authority police officers opened fire on a Hummer driving on the Verrazano Bridge. There were no injuries, and the driver fled on foot.

Staffers at New York City weekly The Village Voice are currently staging a walk-out at their Lower Manhattan offices over wage and benefits cuts, alleged anti-union intimidation, and something every human can relate to: shitty coffee.