How desperate are New York Times employees? A tipster tells us that a thief recently stole 27(!) laptop computers from the NYT's headquarters—and some think it may have been an inside job. The sordid details:

It's official: the New York Times is going to start charging for its website at the beginning of 2011. The press release just went out. Key details below.

• Negotiations between Conan O'Brien and NBC didn't wrap up today, as expected. Conan is holding out for more severance for the employees who will lose their jobs. Or "posturing" as part of a "PR ploy," to use NBC's words. [NYT]
• Related: Conan has a big lineup planned for the rest of the week, which will be his last. And NBC's Jeff Zucker played defense with Charlie Rose last night.
• Larry King's celebrity telethon for Haiti last night raised $9 million. [Us]
• Speaking of Haiti, do there really need to be hundreds upon hundreds of reporters on the ground covering the disaster from every angle and also gobbling up very precious resources in the process? Good question. [TNR]
• Rumor has it the Times is going to begin charging for online content soon. The plan comes with some pros and cons, as you might expect. [AdAge, PC]
• Apple will probably unveil its tablet computer on Jan. 27. [WP, ZDNet]
• Related: HarperCollins is in talks to put its books on the tablet. [WSJ]
• It's been a full year since Glenn Beck started spewing on Fox News. [HP]
• Obits: Mystery writer Robert Parker died yesterday. Kate McGarrigle, the Canadian folk singer and mother of Rufus Wainwright, has died, too.

We've found at least two being mean to the actor, who wore a hat to last night's Golden Globes presumably to cover hair loss from treatment of his Hodgkin's lymphoma. Also, what did Bill Paxton have to say?

Daily Intel's Gabriel Sherman posted a report today with sources noting that the New York Times is "close to announcing" the return of an online content paywall. Questions, then: Is it true? Will it work? And will it matter?

Blogging will inevitably keep me isolated and alone from the rest of the world forever. But in this week's NYT Weddings & Celebrations, Weddings Expert Phyllis Nefler notes someone who blogged themselves to happy matrimony! *Cries in fetal position.*

In your tricky Thursday media column: the NYT is now a cheap-ass school, media cafeterias rated, the PR industry thrives, another newspaper company goes bankrupt, and News Corp fully supports toadlike fascist Roger Ailes.

New York Times Metro section editor Joe Sexton is "looking for a tiger," according to a job posting passed along by a tipster. No, not that kind of tiger. More like a Dalton Tiger!

In your deathly Wednesday media column: magazines set to perish in 2013, Jon Landman defended, Ted Koppel treated like a common whore, and Variety for sale, cheap!

Remember how the New York Times' uncomfortable interview with Caroline Kennedy pretty much sank her Senate campaign? Hello, Harold Ford, welcome to New York! First question: Jets or Giants?

Former NYT managing editor Gerald Boyd lost his job after the Jayson Blair scandal, which could be interpreted either as just desserts for snoozing while Blair fucked up the paper, or as an unjustified bit of scapegoating—made worse by the fact that Boyd was black, and the NYT wasn't exactly swarming with minority execs at the time (or ever!).

Perpetually put-upon man Michael Wolff says he was a key source for the NYT's Roger Ailes profile yesterday, but that the paper didn't credit him, because of his comical nonstop feud with David Carr. Free column topic, Michael! Win-win. [Newser]

Phyllis Nefler is back up in this! She's well rested from vacation and is in the shotgun position to take on this week's NYT's Weddings & Celebrations, filled with funny hats, Jews, iPods, and a serious lack of N.W.A. Typical.

• The epic mess at NBC continues: The last-place network is now thinking above moving Jay Leno to a 11:35pm-12:05am time slot and then having Conan O'Brien follow him for a full hour. But no deal has been reached, and there's still a possibility that Conan will abandon ship. [NYT, LAT, BN, NYT]
• Rudy Giuliani is under fire for idiotic comments he made on Good Morning America today. George Stephanopoulos: He isn't looking so hot either. [NYT]
• Changes at the Times: Star reporter Sewell Chan is headed to the paper's D.C. bureau; and the NYT's City Room blog has a new editor. [Politico, NYT]
• If you love Jersey Shore, maybe you'll be interested in Jersey Couture? [THR]
• Bad news for tweens, pervs: Hannah Montana is coming to an end. [MTV]
• Ben Silverman's studio/glorified ad agency is teaming up with Yahoo! [NYT]
• President Obama's State of the Union address will not—repeat not—conflict with Lost's season opener on February 2. So you can relax now. [WSJ]
• Did Reuters kill a story so as to not offend billionaire Steve Cohen? [Gawker]
• If you work at Condé Nast and you go get a boob job, you probably shouldn't show your new assets to your colleagues when your return to the office. (Even if you're behind closed doors and you keep your sports bra on.) [NYP]

Don't, under any circumstances, talk to a New York Times reporter about your personal life.

New York Times employees are being forced to forage for food outdoors today. The cafeteria is closed because—oh yes—the last 24 hours have brought gastrointestinal sickness to countless innocent NYT employees! Cuisine of DOOM? Scandalous internal memo below.

As if New York Times staffers didn't have enough on their minds what with all the recent layoffs and the gloominess that hangs over the newspaper industry, the paper now has a new enemy to concern itself with: foodborne bacteria. The Times is now looking into whether several employees came down with food poisoning after eating in the company cafeteria and has closed the kitchen as a precaution in the meantime. [NYO]

• Prepare to enter the third dimension. ESPN plans to launch a 3D channel in June. And Discovery, Imax and Sony are teaming up on a 3D channel, too.
• Has Kathy Griffin been banned from CNN following her risqué performance alongside Anderson Cooper on New Year's Eve? Maybe yes, maybe no.
• Newsday is cutting pay and vacations for 1,100 of its employees. [NYP]
• Apple's buzzed-about tablet device comes out in March. [WSJ]
• Google's buzzed-about mobile phone/iPhone ripoff debuted today. [BN]
• You'll be relieved to hear that the New York Times has no plans to follow in Kim Kardashian's footsteps and begin sticking ads in its tweets. [AdAge]
• Coming soon: Publicist Kelly Cutrone's TV show and self-help book. [WWD]
• Nielsen closed Kirkus Reviews last week, but it may now have a savior. [NYT]
• Conveyor of Love, the new reality show on ABC that combines dating and the latest in baggage handling technology, is off to a solid start. [Wrap]
• Will Avatar turn out to be the biggest movie ever? Maybe! [MTV]

This weekend, the New York Times tried to find redeeming value in MTV's Jersey Shore, the most important sociological artifact of our time. Sorry, but trying to find any good in this show is missing the point entirely.

The New York Times has travel writing issues; specifically, the accepting of junkets by their writers, and then having to fire them to the public in Clark Hoyt's ombudsman column. It's come to a peak. Special appearance by Mike Albo!