In your rainy Monday media column: God tries to kill celebrity news using the weather, the New York Times is a totally great newspaper!, and USA Today arrives in Starbucks.

Here's a totally friendly memo from the New York Times that went out to all their freelancers, apropos of nothing in particular, reminding them to please not accept free stuff. Looks like someone is in trouble!

"We accept that Ms. Margolis is not and never has been 'a hooker'," The Independent self-corrects. It gets worse: Zoe Margolis is their writer, and the mistake was a headline that begins, "I Was a Hooker."

In a special new Sunday newspaper roundup, we discover that Jamaica has the best photo illustrations and a crime boss named "Dudus Coke." SF Chronicle's still talking about pill parties, NYT identifies a new recession carpetbagger, NYPost on Jihad Junior.

Close to 100 Times newsroom employees were laid off at the end of 2009. (Another 1,300 accepted a pay cut last May.) NYT CEO Janet Robinson did a lot better! She collected $6.2 million in total compensation in 2009.

On one side, a media outlet controversial for misleading readers, running sleazy ads and misappropriating private letters. On the other, a British tabloid. Facebook is in a big teen-sex-scandal feud with the Daily Mail — ironically, its old-media doppelgänger.

In your sober Thursday media column: another round of layoffs hits BusinessWeek, Sulzberger Jr. goes to court, a cop fired for helping a drunk newsman, and Adam Nagourney may be headed to LA.

In your wicked Wednesday media column: Dan Rather apologizes for not understanding the Twitter, looming BusinessWeek layoffs, the Ellies go to the usual suspects, and Jason Mulgrew's book is here.

In your tribute-laden Tuesday media column: John Roberts in follicle change caper, the Supreme Court hates reporters and death row inmates equally, Rupert Murdoch's birthday, and MSNBC is made of air.

In your magical Monday media column: Masshole-on-Wellesley media violence, the internet finally beats print forever, going deep into Glenn Beck, and people find jobs, miraculously.

In your substitute Friday media column: Christiane Amanpour eyes George Stephanopoulos' old chair, the Los Angeles Times wraps itself in Johnny Depp's handsome mug, the New York Times does teevee, and a Star is unborn.

In your indecent Thursday media column: golf writers assaulted by Twitter, Pinch Sulzberger has a theory, Barack Obama look suspicious, and the headline of the day.

In your exclusive Wednesday media column: another event related to the White House Correspondents' Association dinner that you will be unable to attend, Details still exists, Tina Brown on Rupert Murdoch, and new Glenn Beck book.

Rupert Murdoch has announced that his lively banking newsletter The Wall Street Journal will by next month have a New York metro section. In full color! Every last urban rapscallion and common street urchin will soon have his own stipple headcut, just so Chairman Murdoch can get in on some of that local-print-media money that's all the rage lately. Harrrrumph.

In your tragic Tuesday media column: NYC's Oscar viewing is endangered, Daily Beast nilla listicles protested, Carlos Slim is a looming threat, and Norm!

New York Times Co. shares are up more than 8% today on heavy trading. The reason: a rumor going around that Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim might want to take the company private. Wowza. If you know more, email us. UPDATE:

In your ethical Monday media column: a movie review in need of some full disclosure, a trade magazine goes wacko, CBS is too good for Anderson Cooper, and Playboy looks grim(mer).

In your niveous Thursday media column: an Atlanta editor is a character, Dave Eggers pontificates, Jann Wenner is a joiner, ProPublica is unstoppable, and a sad poor end to a gay publishing empire.

And now comes the coup de grace to the woeful tale of Sally Quinn, the Washington Post's most execrable rich lady columnist: she is being stashed in the back closet of the "internet," lest she embarrass the paper further.

In your wearying Wednesday media column: the Washington Post is somewhat unpopular, the NYT is just coasting, Steve Coll's secret reading list, and a late freelancer payment tidbit.