In your value-added Tuesday media column: The Onion shuts down a section, SmartMoney may be taken over by Dow Jones, an n+1 guy gets a book deal, and Magic Johnson's still not a media mogul.

In your fill-in Monday media column, journalistic panhandling fails, dick jokes meet the holy land and Anna Wintour gets the recognition she's been waiting so long for.

In your flippant Friday media column: Americans don't know who to trust, a money man gives up on the NYT, Conde Nast is spying on you, and Chris Dovi really got screwed.

Sally Quinn has a Washington Post column because she's married to former WaPo editor Ben Bradlee. Today: she apologetically explains, at length, the circumstances that led to two of her family members scheduling weddings the same day. REAL JOURNALISM, RECOGNIZE.

In your thawing Thursday media column: the PR industry blows a chance to look good, a Nick Kristof documentary, a wedding fight, and NBC declares war on the Lo Lifes.

In your completely literal Wednesday media column: unsurprising insight into consumer preferences, ABC executives support ABC employee, Charlie Gasparino gets a new job, and Reader's Digest and Playboy have problems.

Zachery Kouwe—the New York Times business reporter caught plagiarizing portions of stories from other news outlets and press releases—resigned yesterday. Nobody was more surprised that Zachery Kouwe plagiarized (at least) a half-dozen times than Zachery Kouwe himself.

So, this is it? This is THE New York Times David Paterson 'bombshell'? The whole thing? There's not a second part that's good? Jesus, New York Times, why didn't you say it was going to be so boring. Wed. Update:

In your tenuous Tuesday media column: people get fired for crazy reasons, reporters doubling as models, a talking head maybe getting a new job, and journalistic kayak fail.

The gripping tale of espionage contained in NBC Newsman Irving R. Levine's FBI file, which we found last month, featured an unnamed Charlotte Observer correspondent suspected of spying for the KGB in the 1950s. The Observer has found their man.

How many discredited former Bush White House officials can one newspaper publish? Fred Hiatt is collecting them like Pokemon. Marc Thiessen, Bush speechwriter and torture enthusiast, will be writing a weekly column for The World's Worst Opinion Section.

In your explosive Thursday media column: Iceland's bad bet, the wienermobile is the future of journalism, more hard times at USA Today, Conde Nast would like to be the new Wonkette, and a scary scene at Fashion Week.

In your blizzardy Wednesday media column: Luke Russert does it the Luke Russert way, the NYT has no iPad comment, a new journalism moneymaking scheme, and David Remnick acts so haughty you'd think he runs America's best magazine or something.

The New York Times Co. made money last year! A $20 million profit for 2009. Revenue fell more than 11% in the fourth quarter—but it's declining less than last year. Silver linings! Celebratory year-in-review internal memo below.

In your brainstorming Tuesday media column: better journalism through crack, a Bob Schieffer vacation, Hugh Hefner gets sued, a star-studded media kid bar mitzvah, and newspapers discover a rich new source of advertising.

The New York Times' David Kirkpatrick delivers the shocking and troubling news that Wall Street bankers are so disappointed in Barack Obama that they've started giving money to Republicans. Bankers! To Republicans!

In your Byzantine Monday media column: searching for a rich media savior, a recipe duplication scandal, the future of robot media is $1 per hour, and STEPHEN A. SMITH is back in your area code.

The Observer's John Koblin heard the New York Times is supposedly working on a major story on our wacky governor. The guy's admitted to drugs and adultery, what else could there be? (We're all ears!) Update: More sex, looks like.

• Lawmakers on Capitol Hill grilled Brian Roberts and Jeff Zucker today about Comcast's proposed takeover of NBC Universal. Meantime, Zucker's chances of keeping his job as NBC's CEO? Dimmer by the day. [Reuters, WSJ, LAT]
• Observer owner Jared Kushner is expanding: He's decided to partner with another company to launch a free newspaper in Vegas for some reason. [NYT]
• More on the deep job cuts at CBS News this week. [NYT, LAT]
• Howard Stern's contract with Sirius XM expires this year. Whether he ends up staying put—or finds a new home on radio or TV—is up in the air. [THR]
• EMI announced a massive annual loss and now needs more cash. [BBC]
• Another installment of Fast and Furious is on the way. Finally! [Variety]
• Does the National Enquirer deserve a Pulitzer Prize? Probably! [Gawker]

The National Enquirer has thrown its hat in the ring for a 2010 Pulitzer Prize, seeking official recognition from the media Brahmins for its ownership of the John Edwards sex scandal. Said Brahmins are harrumphing, and here's why they're wrong.