In your soaking Monday media column: a religion writer does god's work against crappy press releases, a public Chicago media sobriety fight, McClatchy just misses being car bombed, and the first wearable magazine, allegedly.

The New York Times' announcement that it would start charging for its website in 2011 was more aspiration than business plan. Still, media folk have been debating it like the very existence of the NYT is at stake. It's not.

In your cool-person Thursday media column: Neel Shah's style secrets exposed, a job appears in the media(!), the NYT's web delay explained, and Donald Graham doesn't give a fuck about your hit pieces.

Good god. Remember that little outbreak of a mysterious intestinal illness at the New York Times that shut down the company cafeteria earlier this month? Well, they've run some tests, and...we don't know how to tell you this...it's... Norovirus. (*Checks Wikipedia.*) Dang that makes you throw up and poop!

• As rumored, the New York Times plans to begin charging readers to access stories on the NYT website. It will be a metered system (so only "frequent readers" will be affected), and it doesn't start until 2011. And faithful subscribers to the print edition won't be forced to pay anything extra. [NYT]
• What are the chances Conan lands at Fox? It could happen, but there are plenty of reasons why Fox might decide to back away from a deal. [WSJ]
• The news biz: Talks to bring Ted Koppel back to ABC News appear to have fallen through; Megyn Kelly is getting her own show on Fox News; and CNN has announced it's partnering with hipster mag Vice, oddly enough. [NYO]
• Condé Nast's Fairchild unit has a new chief. Gina Sanders, Lucky's publisher (and Si Newhouse's niece) will now be running the show. [WWD]
• The Sundance Film Festival kicks off in Park City, Utah tomorrow. And it's shaping up to be fest's "most important" year ever, supposedly. [NYT, WSJ]

In your progressive Wednesday media column: the typically effeminate French (whose asses we saved in WWII) think ladies can be in charge of things, the WaPo has never been to DC, Greg Mitchell's lament, and Vice meets CNN.

It's official: the New York Times is going to start charging for its website at the beginning of 2011. The press release just went out. Key details below.

• Negotiations between Conan O'Brien and NBC didn't wrap up today, as expected. Conan is holding out for more severance for the employees who will lose their jobs. Or "posturing" as part of a "PR ploy," to use NBC's words. [NYT]
• Related: Conan has a big lineup planned for the rest of the week, which will be his last. And NBC's Jeff Zucker played defense with Charlie Rose last night.
• Larry King's celebrity telethon for Haiti last night raised $9 million. [Us]
• Speaking of Haiti, do there really need to be hundreds upon hundreds of reporters on the ground covering the disaster from every angle and also gobbling up very precious resources in the process? Good question. [TNR]
• Rumor has it the Times is going to begin charging for online content soon. The plan comes with some pros and cons, as you might expect. [AdAge, PC]
• Apple will probably unveil its tablet computer on Jan. 27. [WP, ZDNet]
• Related: HarperCollins is in talks to put its books on the tablet. [WSJ]
• It's been a full year since Glenn Beck started spewing on Fox News. [HP]
• Obits: Mystery writer Robert Parker died yesterday. Kate McGarrigle, the Canadian folk singer and mother of Rufus Wainwright, has died, too.

In your beefy Tuesday media column: Jim VandeHei doesn't even read his old newspaper because it is so stupid, the NYT's most badass old dude passes away, Reuters now non-poisonous, and a smackdown of Michael Kinsley.

Gabriel Sherman has a long piece in TNR today about the Washington Post, the primary purpose of which is to allow Post staffers to vent—about 'Salongate,' inexperienced business executives, entrenched editorial leadership that stunted ambitions, and, most notably, the fact that two WaPo staffers left the paper to start Politico, which is now kicking the WaPo's ass regularly on...Drudgebait:

In your mawkish Monday media column: James Dobson coming to your sexxxy radio dial, a rumor of perfidy at McGraw-Hill, an editor passes away, and Larry King and Pete Wentz team up to save Haiti.

In your tricky Thursday media column: the NYT is now a cheap-ass school, media cafeterias rated, the PR industry thrives, another newspaper company goes bankrupt, and News Corp fully supports toadlike fascist Roger Ailes.

In your deathly Wednesday media column: magazines set to perish in 2013, Jon Landman defended, Ted Koppel treated like a common whore, and Variety for sale, cheap!

Former NYT managing editor Gerald Boyd lost his job after the Jayson Blair scandal, which could be interpreted either as just desserts for snoozing while Blair fucked up the paper, or as an unjustified bit of scapegoating—made worse by the fact that Boyd was black, and the NYT wasn't exactly swarming with minority execs at the time (or ever!).

It looks like working at a newspaper really is one of the worst jobs in America. It was bad enough when you had to worry you could be laid off at any minute. Now you might get frostbite, too:

Newspapers steal stories from each other all the the time, even staffers. But Village Voice Media just had its vans seized by an alt-weekly competitor in San Francisco. We knew the industry was getting desperate, but, damn.

In your smiley Tuesday media column: newspapers only sell online subscriptions to lone nuts, Dan Rather loses on appeal, a headline is debated, and Paste magazine lives.

In your provocative Monday media column: debates over the National Enquirer's respectability and women's ability to be funny, a journalist is killed, and a new Vultureperson is hired.

The LA Times is changing its front section deadline to 6 p.m. (from 11 p.m.)—because they agreed to sell the late-night print run to Murdoch's Wall Street Journal. [Via David Carr's Twitter]

In your thawing Thursday media column: Further evidence that Larry King is losing it (more so), Ted Koppel's still got that pizzazz, troubles at Print magazine, and everything remotely associated with the Redskins is corrupt.