Tuesday night, videographer Richard had the good fortune of attending a party for a phone. T Mobile! Y Apartment! W the fuck. No worries, here comes the Samsung Trace, which is a phone that lets you talk to people far away and take pictures of things very close. To celebrate, partygoers grooved to a pierced musical combo, swilled Veuve Clicquot, scarfed quesadilla rolls, and slurped down bowls of cereal. Yep, we got that last part on tape, just for you. Compare and contrast with T-Mobile's last launch, if you dare.

• The well-meaning, good-hearted, trust-funded kids at Good magazine take a break from saving the planet in order to pound a few PBRs. Grandmaster Flash hits the turntables and everyone proceeds to party like its 1982. [flavorpill]
• Sex! (Orson Welles has three baby mamas.) Murder! (Someone mysteriously dies on set.) Politics! (We're not sure, but it probably involves Rosebud.) It's all happening at the North American premiere of Fade to Black at the MoMa. [Paper]
• Anderson Cooper teams up with Doctors Without Borders to discuss humanitarian efforts in Darfur, Lebanon and other vacation hotspots. He proceeds to warm the hearts of middle class New Yorkers who couldn't locate Darfur on a map, but love those blue eyes. [Cooper]

Ever since the MisShapes party vamoosed, downtown hellmouth Luke & Leroy has been strugglin' a little. Its Saturday-night MisShapes party replacement, Rated X, goes straight for the gonads with enthusiastic amateur nudity. The hipsters are still drawn in droves, MisShapes or no; many probably haven't even noticed the change in party management. Except that they take their clothes off a lot. For money. Unfortunate Gawker videographer Richard Blakeley recorded the hoopla surrounding their most recent (and highly debatable) "Best Body" contest. Top prize went to a twee young male carrying neither body fat nor shame, while the gal Richard brought to the gala went to his roommate after one drink. Drama! Oh yes, did we mention the boobies? They're there. The clip's NSFW, if you haven't figured that out yet.

• Sex columnists such as Rachel Kramer Bussel, Laura Leu, and Jamye Waxman gather at Happy Ending to share dating mishaps that led to a not-so-happy ending. Comfort food is conveniently provided to make up for the lack of action. [Paper]
• Norwegian pop sensation Sondre Lerche performs a "genre-bending oeuvre" at the Maritime Hotel. Go for the music, stay because he's cute. [flavorpill]
• Mugshots of awkward social misfits are a lot like My Super Sweet Sixteen: slightly repulsive, but slightly reaffirming of your superiority. [NYM]

The makers of deceptively named new energy drink Cocaine insist that their product has been made 350 percent stronger than now-pussified jitter-beverage Red Bull by 280 milligrams of street-legal caffeine, not, as you might hope, by a secret, powdery ingredient imported by tied-off condom in the digestive tract of Colombian mules. Still, we assume that the company will do everything they can to fully leverage the power of their adorably controversial brand, from handing out free cans from crowded stalls of Hollywood clubs to paying millions of dollars to officially sponsor the next five years of Lindsay Lohan's life. Really, the marketing campaign writes itself.

• Nouvelle Vague is a lovely little French group that performs creative, interpretative covers of classic post-punk and new wave hits. Go and hear the Buzzcocks like never before. [flavorpill]
• The Who performs their greatest hits from the 60s and 70s for their loyal army of overzealous fans, plus that one kid that likes that song they used in Girl Next Door. [MSG]
• Aerosmith performs their greatest hits from the 70s and 80s for their loyal army of overzealous fans, plus that one kid who still thinks Alicia Silverstone hot. [NYM]

THR, Esq. reports that photographer Jodi Cobb is suing Geisha House, the Hollywood eatery owned by Big Brother All Stars winner/Jack Shack proprietor Mike "Boogie" Malin and B-list restaurateurs Ashton Kutcher and Wilmer Valderrama, for the establishment's alleged liberal, unpaid use of her geisha photography in their decor and marketing materials. Geisha House's management counters that they're not so much "stealing" her images as "knocking them off so they don't have to pay":

• Henri Bendel hosts a one-month sweater sale; fashion editors proceed to spend .05% of their annual salary on items that will be used as presents for their very unstylish relatives. [WUNYC]
• Shrinking wages! Reduced pensions! Say it aint so! For only $25, a few upper middle class people, including former senator John Edwards, Wall Street Journal editor Stephen Moore and author Barbara Ehrenreich remind you of your place in the caste system. [NYM]
• Once again, we're amazed at flavorpill's never-ending fragments. Brazilian vocalist Otto dabbles in "hip-hop, post-psychedelic Brit-hop and traditional Afro-Brazilian maracatu with ambient techno rhythms and funky bossa nova samples." There's also some mangue percussion in there somewhere. [flavorpill]

Friday
• The woman who survived being licked by Andy Dick at the roast of William Shatner describes the feeling of his tongue on her flesh. You know you want to know. [Paper]
• Greek blogging mogulette Arianna Huffington reads from her new book, On Becoming Fearless. Suck up to her and maybe she'll fly you home on her private jet. [NYM]

As Fashion Week draws to a close, leaving cigarette butts and dead models in its wake, it's time to take a moment to honor the stupid hipsters, whose whimsical eye makeup and playful bandannas endlessly inspire fashion's best designers. So sit back and enjoy Blue States Lose, wherein we look at the ridiculous pictures on The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Alex Blagg writes love letters to Princess Coldstare.

• Legions of nerdfans flock to Mormony Jeopardy! champ Ken Jennings, who shares from his memoir, Brainiac: Adventures in the Curious, Competitive, Compulsive World of Trivia Buffs. Single females ages 21 to 34 are encouraged to attend. Please. [Ken Jennings]
• The Brooklyn Adult Recorder Choir devotes three hours to the grade-school instrument of yesteryear. Wow. Brooklyn really IS awesome. [NYM]
• For the Conflux Festival, urbanites embark on a smelling tour of Williamsburg under the guise of "psychogeography. " Wow. Brooklyn really IS awesome. [flavorpill]

• Hipster Handbook scribe Robert Lanham cautions against mullet-sporting conservatives as he reads from his latest satire, The Sinner's Guide to the Evangelical Right. Appropriately, the reading is at a church. The afterparty, also appropriately, is at a bar. [FreeWilliamsburg]
• Indie band Rogue Wave play at indie venue Warsaw in non-indie neighborhood Greenpoint. Chaos ensues. [flavorpill]
• Add a couple of Jewish geniuses to trivia spectacular the Big Quiz Thing and you get the Big Jewish Quiz Thing. The Semitic smackdown features guest appearances by former Gawkette Jesse Oxfeld and Gawker's co-pilot, God. [14Y]

On her way out, Winona Ryder stuffed two or three pieces from Marc Jacobs' new line into her purse.

Pardon this Andy Rooneyesque digression, but what the fuck is it with the wheatgrass in New York clubs? If you want that stuff in your Jamba Juice, then fine, enjoy the cleansing nutrients in the privacy of your own bowels. But wheatgrass has begun to creep out from the end tables to larger centerpiece platters and even to this huge planter, photographed in colonial cocktail den Pegu Club's bathroom and submitted by a puzzled reader. Near as we can tell, it serves no function besides the questionably and superficially aesthetic. Of an evening, we've run into wheatgrass lurking in three of four downtown venues, all in different neighborhoods. Is wheatgrass now required for cabaret license renewal? Are we supposed to graze upon the wheatgrass while awaiting the next round? Or is wheatgrass the new nightlife equivalent of decorating's ever-present bowl of green apples? Regardless, we're dumping a shot of bar-brand vodka on every one of these we see from now on. Please join us.

• The New York Public Library celebrates fashion week by having the fashion elite discuss fashion. Speakers include Vogue queen Andre Leon Talley, People queen Martha Nelson, and Project Runway queen Tim Gunn. Only those carrying "4 pounds" of Vogue are guaranteed admittance. [Paper]
• The Starbucks Salon hosts 12 continuous hours of "organic electronica." We don't know what that is either, but isn't adorable how the 'Bucks is all "indie" and "community" now? Bah. [flavorpill]
• The Apple SoHo store once again proves its supreme awesomeness by hosting the cowbell connoisseurs from The Rapture as they perform songs from their new album. [WUNYC]

"They told me I needed to get on the scale," said one of the women, Kristen McRedmond, about her humiliating experience in a manager's office at Sutton Place Bar and Restaurant in July.

If you're a jet-setting hipster or Greg Lindsay, you know Parisian boutique Colette as the cooler-than-thou temple of highly selective merchandise. But Colette is more than a place to spend your Euros — its alter ego runs an occasional dance class for the heavily eyelinered elite. In honor of Fashion Week, last night the boutique brought its talent to the East Village's Culture Club for some organized instruction — but, because these are French hipsters, the dance was that from Michel Gondry's music video for Around the World. That's right. People donned their best club attire to learn the robot. After the jump, Gawker shutterbug Nikola Tamindzic and staff slave Stephanie try not to bump into MIA.

• Dunno if you heard, but it's 9/11. Tonight, important folks discuss the 9/11 Commission Report and at an event appropriately titled, "September 11, 2001: Five Years Later." Don't expect an open bar at this one. [flavorpill]
• Writers Dan Bakkedahl of the Daily Show and John Lutz of SNL perform their four-person improv routine with two people. Even with the cast shortage, it's guaranteed to be funnier than actually watching SNL. [UCB]
• Every awards show has a catchy acronym these days. Tonight the JMAs - Jewish Music Awards - feature Hassidic rapper Y-Love among others. Save your Hora moves for the after-party. [Oyhoo]

^{Sinead is the one with the bottle, clearly.}

Friday: