• Testicle-happy writer Jonathan Ames, Times Magazine editor John Hodgman, and Believer Book Award-winner Sam Lipsyte get together at Makor tonight for Rising Above the Din, a conversation about the state of the novel in our increasingly technology-driven society. We'd go, but we have yesterday's American Idol on TiVo. [Paper]
• Negroclash's DJ Lindsey opens for L.A. electro soul scenesters J*Davey at Canal Room. We'd go, but we have yesterday's American Idol on TiVo. [flavorpill]
• Dave Hill welcomes Moby and Martha Wainwright to his variety show, The Dave Hill Explosion, at UCB Theater tonight. All the vegan jokes and pretty songs you can stand for $5. [UCB]

• Red Light Winter, the latest play by Adam Rapp, follows "three young Americans caught in a bizarre love triangle of erotic fixation." That's theatre speak for "stupid college kids rolling on E in Amsterdam." [flavorpill]
• In an appearance with the New York Philharmonic, Garrison Keillor brings the News from Lake Wobegon to Avery Fisher Hall tonight. Go and see a real, live Midwesterner! [Upcoming]
• In honor of Purim, Scotty the Blue Bunny hosts the Kosher Cock Show at Mo Pitkins'. Because what Jewish holiday is complete without an inappropriately themed hipster event? [Paper]

• Jews + Karaoke = Typical Night in Manhattan. But add in some prizes and the boys from Stella as judges, and you get American Shmidol, tonight at Bowery Ballroom. [flavorpill]
• Having conquered the worlds of acting and teenage divorce, Macaulay Culkin tries his hand at a novel. Judge his efforts (and we know you will) tonight at Barnes & Noble on East 17th. [WUNY]
• Isobel Campbell of Belle & Sebastian fame takes the solo route tonight at Joe's Pub. Stay twee, you cuddly monkey. [Upcoming]

Flavorpill communications director Lynnel Herrera and Kendah El-Ali of Soma discuss the underlying philosophy behind new media.

We head into another weekend with the same mix of anticipation and dread we — and, we're sure, you — face each Friday afternoon. We're excited for 48 work-free hours; we're eager for copious sleep and even more copious alcohol; we're thirsting for all sorts of sensory excitement, whether culinary or theatrical or chemical or sexual. But then we're remember, as we always remember, the inevitable downside: The bridge-and-tunnellers are coming, too.

Friday:
• The art show to end all art shows, the behemoth Armory, takes over Piers 90 and 92 this weekend. Put on your bullshit goggles and bring a little culture to your life. [Upcoming]
• B-Side Art Fairs: riding on the Armory's back, ~Scope does the indie thing with a tilda, while PULSE makes the most of capslock and curatorial firepower. [flavorpill]
Saturday:
• The perfect anecdote to an art hangover? Fluffy, imported pop. Hot Chip, all the way from the UK, rocks out at the Bowery Ballroom. [flavorpill]
• Game6 features blasts from the past Michael Keaton and Robert Downey, Jr. in a drama centering on the infamous 1986 Mets-Red Sox World Series. It's warm out, so we condone baseball nostalgia. [TONY]
Sunday:
• Circle hits the US despite its "murky avant obscurity" here. Yeah, the Knitting Factory will do that to you. [flavorpill]

It may be suspiciously nice outside, but we're urging you to avoid sunlight at all costs. It's global warming, you fools — not time for rejoicing! Instead, stay chained to your desk and bask in the warm LCD glow of Blue States Lose, where we sort through the galleries of the handicapable hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night s Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don t have to.

When you re invited to get drunk at Time magazine managing editor Jim Kelly s home, you really have no choice but to go. The crowd is sure to be good and, if one is lucky, the gossip will be stellar (at his last mega-fete, Katie Couric was overhead loudly bitching about the CBS rumors). If you can handle it, we fully endorse trekking to the Upper West Side as we did last night for Kelly s party in honor of Time.com s latest acquisition, heterodox blogstar Andrew Sullivan.

• Kelley Polar takes you back to Studio 54 tonight with Morgan Geist and Dan Selzer. Nothing says "disco" like the Knitting Factory and a little viola music, right? [flavorpill]
• Say Hi To Your Mom plays at Rothko. We will. She loves it when we come around for dinner. [Upcoming]
• Architect Michael Graves gives a reading tonight at Parsons's Tish Auditorium. Bring your Legos for the follow-up playtime. [WUNY]

So after Bloomberg pushed through the huge cigarette tax a few years ago — this was before he pushed through the smoking-in-bars ban, that brief window when enjoying the delicious nicotine rush of lung destruction was merely expensive but not yet inconvenient — you thought you'd be clever and start ordering your smokes online. Hell with eight bucks at Duane Reade, you figured, you could save a fortune by getting your Camel Lights shipped in from out of state. Or so you thought. According to the News:

Yesterday, we were told that Rob the Bouncer (author of the Clublife blog) was getting rapid fire questions about the bouncing industry; today, the media focuses on what the murder of Imette St. Guillen means for women on the town:

• Measure for Pleasure, the newest farce by David Grimm, opens tonight at the Public Theater. Go and show off how you didn't fail your freshman Shakespeare lecture — everyone will be sooo impressed. [flavorpill]
• Sarah Vowell reads from her dead-presidents book Assasination Vacation tonight at the Borders on Columbus Circle. Be sure to tell her what you think of her Op-Ed columns. [Paper]
• The Bowery Poetry Club, a contradiction in terms, presents an evening with musical trio the Blur Division. Because it's not like they were going to appeal to anyone down there with actual poetry. [Upcoming]

In light of The Falls' bouncer Darryl Littlejohn emerging as a suspect in the murder case of Imette St. Guillen, the media has naturally turned to wondering about the nature of the "bouncing industry." Littlejohn had a criminal record and yet he was working the door; hadn't management conducted a background check? Or do venues just not care?

We're hesitant to write about the murder of Imette St. Guillen, partly because it sincerely scares the shit out of us (that counts as our vocabulary for genuine human misfortune, right?), partly because we're content to let Gothamist ride the beat up to that big Dateline spot in the sky. But as the story develops, it's becoming clear that the bouncer from The Falls, the last bar where St. Guillen, may be more than an innocent bystander in her stomach-twisting death.

• BAM kicks off its Some Kind of Horror Show festival with Four Flies on Grey Velvet. Tonight's opening also features an after-party sponsored by the Onion, which promises to be a whole other kind of horror show, full of midwesterners and cocktails. [flavorpill]
• The Amateur Happy Hour Scrabble Club for Bad Spellers meets at the 11th Street Bar. Alcohol totally improves your skills, trust us. [Upcoming]
• Serena Maneesh is 6'11". She also plays music. If that won't get you to the Bowery Ballroom, why, nothing will. [Paper]

David Edelstein, New York's new film critic, and his Park Slope neighbor, NPR's Brooke Gladstone. It was that kind of night.

Friday:
• The afterparty for Belle & Sebastian is almost the same thing as the concert, except that the Belles will be spinning other people's music rather than their own. Get your twee-fan on at the Royal Oak, starting at 10:30.
• Have a side of despair along with your usual pornography tonight as the Film Forum celebrates the twentieth anniversary of Blue Velvet. [flavorpill]
Saturday:
• The Knitting Factory hosts a line-up of bands who bang on things. No, seriously: Bring your own pot or pan to jam with Whitehouse, Wolf Eyes, and Pig Destroyer. [flavorpill]
• The Times called the Whitney Biennial "short on pretty, long on collaboration." The Grey Lady's got the informed-distaste-makes-you-cool thing down pretty good, but head on over to the Whitney and see what you can come up with yourself. [Whitney]
Sunday:
It's Oscar time — finally, Hollywood collectively blows its wad, and you get to wipe up the mess.
• For the truly insane, coverage begins at noon on E!, with red-carpet awkwardness commencing at 5:30. Head over to the TV Guide channel at the same time if you want to watch Joan Rivers rip apart everyone's couture.
• Come 8 PM, it's the big show, with poor Jon Stewart demonstrating that nothing can ever be truly funny if its on network television.
• Bonus for the freaks: If you want to watch and play online, our starfucking brother at Defamer will be liveblogging the whole ass and pony show. We just hope he doesn't spill Mad Dog on his keyboard.

Gather 'round, darlings, and come get your midday snack: apple juice, a cookie, and a hearty spoonful of Blue States Lose. It's time for our weekly foray into the inane, where we sort through the galleries of the insane and inane hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night s Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don t have to. After the jump, Joey Arak makes you smell his vintage cowboy boots.

• Void Magazine hosts Our Happiest Hour Yet, a reading with free drinks to merit the name. Some writers might read some stuff, too. [Void]
• The NYC Regional of the US Air Guitar Championships rocks the Knitting Factory tonight. Think of it like the Olympics with hair bands and uppers. [KF]
• Hop on the meta-train for some art about art: La Legende d'Er documents the multimedia performance given by composer/architect Iannis Xenakis at the opening of the centre Georges-Pomipidou in Paris. You might want to bring a flask for this one. [flavorpill]

• It took a long time to recover from "Movin' Out," but it's finally time to try a little more dance. Tonight, the Dance Theatre Workship features Ivy Baldwin's Gone Missing and Kate Weare's Wet Road. [flavorpill]
• Philip Glass brings Laurie Anderson, Antony, Sufjan Stevens, Damien Rice, and Allen Toussaint along to Carnegie Hall for the Tibet House Freedom Concert. No, it's still not free. [Paper]
• Egg-tapping robots aside, you can almost take the dorkbot-nyc kids seriously until they tell you to "bring snacks to share!" You can take the geek out of the lonely lunch table, but you can't take the lonely lunch table out of the geek. [Upcoming]