Showtime aired the male-stripper documentary La Bare this weekend, and it was so douchey that I felt utterly cleansed inside after watching it. Actor Joe Manganiello came upon the Dallas strip club the film profiles and is named after while researching for his role of Big Dick Richie in Magic Mike. He was so inspired to document the happenings at the club—La Bare was initially intended to be a reality show, and boy does it feel like it. It is endearingly trashy. The only thing bigger than the personalities on screen are the packages.

Sarah Silverman kicked off the short comedy series Rubberhead yesterday with a bit called "Cops Cum Dicks and Flying," co-starring Seth Rogen. The title doesn't immediately make sense, but then it suddenly arrives and it's all over you and ugh you're going to need a shower after this because there's so much of it.

Looks like Paper mag's big "break the internet" plan was simple: full-frontal Kim Kardashian. (Sadly her naked photos failed to break the internet on previous attempts, but maybe this time will be different.) Anyway, the very NSFW shots are certainly befitting of a Vogue cover model and Kanye is probably very proud.

Nick Jonas, the littlest Jonas brother, has officially completed his transition from young, purity-ring-wearing, boy-band boy to grown-up, Marky-Mark-lite, faking-orgasms-with-topless-ladies cable-television man.

Chelsea Handler's bare breasts were on Instagram for roughly half an hour Thursday night after she shared a topless photo of herself riding a horse.

A Macedonian man sliced off his own dick and and threw it away after his girlfriend broke up with him, citing dissatisfying sex. The man believed his small penis was to blame for the failed relationship, reports every site in the tabloidosphere.

The South Sydney Rabbitohs, a rugby team partially owned by Russell Crowe, won the Australian National Rugby League championship yesterday, its first victory in 43 years. "It's all about the bunnies down here," said a Channel Nine reporter, live at the scene. Wrong. It was all about one fan's swinging dick.

Ben Affleck's is a decent dick, from what I could tell.

The social media manager in charge of @USATodayCollege, from USA Today's college vertical, appears to have gotten his or her wires crossed with their personal account. A tipster pointed out to us that the account's most recent fav is a tweet by self-proclaimed "Big ass British MILF & adult web model" Daniella English Ass, in which she is sucking some guy's dick. The graphic tweet below.

It's been a banner week for horny dudes rubbing one out in public. Today, we have yet another video courtesy of Gothamist. This one shows a man who appears to be furiously masturbating in the driver's seat of a van parked on a street corner in Williamsburg. The witness who took the video this morning tells Gothamist, "I didn't stick around to catch him finish, but when I left my apartment he was still in the car, digging into a bag of Popchips with the same hand." Nice.

A truly brave human being saw something while riding the M train through Brooklyn, and decided to say something to Gothamist (with NSFW video): A depraved man decided to whip his dick out and masturbate on the train. He didn't do a very good job of concealing himself, either. The aspiring exhibitionist, however, is a little shy: he brings the show to a halt when the train reaches a stop. Gothamist has turned the video over to the NYPD.

"I got into doing gang bangs in 2008," says Shirley, 78, in the NSFW clip above. "I've done 14 of 'em since then. Each one is better than the last one." She then opens her shirt to reveal a tattoo on her breast (that's the real NSFW part of the video). I'm not going to tell you what it says because I want you to experience the joy of discovery.

Three days ago, an extended video popped up on Youtube of five mariners being shot to death in the open ocean on the wreckage of their boat, as their killers guffaw and chatter from the decks of their larger crafts. Where was the footage shot? Who were the victims and their killers? So far, no one knows for certain.

The Swiss parliament has suspended a secretary whose nude selfies and amateur porn photos, sometimes posted from inside the Federal House in Berne, made her a national sensation. The anonymous woman, referred to in the Swiss media as A., had more than 11,700 Twitter followers before she deleted her account this week.

A Spanish resort town's sex-for-drinks game, "mamading," is out in the open now after a video of a British girl performing oral sex on 24 men in a bar went viral. Allegedly, the girl was promised one drink for the stunt.

With the impending return of his Comedy Central awkwardfest Nathan For You and a recent profile in the New York Times Magazine, comedian Nathan Fielder has never been more visible. And neither has the porn he's been somewhat subtly sneaking onto Instagram.

Rihanna, known for inspiring at least one person to copy her innovative outfits, was honored as 2014's fashion icon at the Council of Fashion Designers of America's fashion awards Monday night. Her very revealing outfit for the night highlighted one of the biggest fashion trends of the year: nudity.

Person who's here, Scout Willis, floated through the Lower East Side like a topless ghost Tuesday afternoon, scouting locations where nipples are welcome. So far the list consists of: New York City; not Instagram.

Catherine Middlebum, Duchess of Dayumbridge, future Queen of Assland, may have dressed a little formally for the beach during last month's royal tour of Australia, but a new photo published over the weekend in the German tabloid newspaper Bild suggests that anything goes on the helicopter pad.

Three generations of a German family were reportedly struck down by a single lightning bolt on Tuesday when the electrical charge shot down a tree and across their lawn as they were heading inside to avoid the rain.