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• Early this morning, Melania Knauss crapped out Donald Trump's baby. A reader earlier told us the baby boy will be named Barron William Trump, though we've no confirmation on that. What we do know, however, is that if Barron weren't Donald Trump's son, the Donald would probably be dating him. [Gothamist]
• Any man who calls himself a "cougar" deserves to be shot. [NYP]
• There seems to be a blog for everything, so why not one dedicated to the ugly couches for sale on Craigslist? [Revolting Sofas]
• All those people waiting in line for Trader Joe's, and they're not even selling booze yet. Fools. [Consumerist]
• Whether you feel it or not, spring has sprung. Or so sayeth Shake Shack, which reopened today. [Eater]
• David Brooks, revisionist of his own history. [Radosh]
• It's a particularly choice day for Drudge: At the time of this writing, he's got Buddha Boy, freak weather, baby monkeys, and a deformed lamb up on his site. It's like he's revealing his soul. [Drudge]